AAAAAAAH! Soo much love and resenting!

Started by

First of all I love my mom more than anything! BUT Im tired and angry! All I do is take care of everyone! As I said before, my lil girl has kidney problems, & now I have to homeschool her, my lil boy
y is has Autism Spectrum, & life with him is rough enough. My husband recently has been diagnosed with high BP & heart issues. I AM GOING CRAZY! I HAVE NOBODY TO HELP ME! MY HUSBAND IS ANGRY THAT I GET NO HELP WITH MOM! SHE has dementia, diabetes, overweight, thyroid, disabled, heart issues & KEEPS FALLING, she is a beautiful 72 yr old lady but I AM TIRED! & Feel GUILTY FOR RESENTING HER! I took care of my 6mths NOW CANCER FREE SISTER for almost a yr. Im dead tired just want my LIFE BACK! I CANT GO OUT WITH MY KIDS W/O WORRYING ABOUT MY MOM. MY sister cant just SIT with mom for a day too give me a break! Mom is my best friend but she doesnt understand things she has dementia do yall know how crazy & sad it is to live daily 24/7 with her saying my name, yelling at me, not understanding me at times!!! My KIDS NEED ME TOO. I LOVE MOM BUT can ANYONE simply acknowledge me/or understand my feelings!!! I have NO FRIENDS, NO FAMILY THAT LISTENS TO ME NOR HELPS me take care of her PHYSICALLY TO GIVE ME A BREAK, & MY LIFE IS LIKE AN ELDERLY PERSON. So stressed out! Im thinking of ASSISTED LIVING... BUT ITS BREAKING MY HEART..... IM DYING TO GET ANY ADVICE OR SIMILAR SITUATIONS?


You have every reason for feeling like you do. Stop thinking about assisted living and make it so. Move her there before you develop high blood pressure and heart issues or worse die from caregiving directly for your mother which 1/3 of caregivers do.

Moving her out will reduce your stress, make your children happier and probably lower your husband's blood pressure plus lessen his anger about all of this. What does he think needs to happen? I bet he is ready for her to move somewhere else where she can be cared for. Her dementia is only going to get worse which will only stress you out even more.

Although you are not saying this directly, it sounds to me like your mother has you emotionally blackmailed into keeping her right where she is. You need to do a site search here about emotional blackmail. It probably would not hurt to see a therapist to help you get past the irrational guilt.

Keep in touch and let us know how things are going.
cryssy02, I am just curious why your hubby cannot help you with this very busy household? Anyone with high blood pressure can get it down to a normal level quickly by taking high blood pressure pills.

Now get your Mom approved for Medicaid, if she isn't already. With her health issues she might be able to go into a nursing home which Medicaid would help pay for that cost. If Mom is only qualified for an assisted living, see if Medicaid could help pay for some of that cost, with Mom paying the remainder. If Medicaid says no to that, than ask if Medicaid could send someone out to help your Mom for a couple hours during the day.

Also contact your county agency on aging for programs, such as Case Management, Meals on Wheels, Adult Day Care, housing, care referrals, etc,... go to the website link below.... click on your State.... now click on the city/county.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support