So hard to see.
My dad is my best friend. He's now in nursing care. It used to be where I could visit him and we'd talk for hours.
Now when I visit, I'm lucky if he's awake. Even when he IS awake, he doesn't like to talk much anymore.
We used to go out to eat together often and he doesn't even like to do that anymore. Sometimes we'd go out and visit with Mom out in the cemetary but he doesn't want to do that anymore either.
Somedays he's great company, but not many. Most of the time he'd just rather go back to sleep.
It's tough, Dad being my best friend. After Mom passed away we'd talk three-four times a day on the phone. Sometimes during the day I feel so lonely that I think about picking up the phone but then remember I can't.
I'm his main caretaker aside from the Nursing Facility he's in so I have to pay his bills, etc. I don't mind at all as he thinks he's such a burden..which he's not at all. He took care of me all these years and was always..ALWAYS there for me from a child all the way up to a grown up.
I just can't even remember a day when he WASN'T there for me my entire life.
And now it's me he needs. I used to visit him more often, but now he sleeps so much, I spend some time there and then go as he just tells me most of the time that he's going back to sleep. He does have his good days though where we'll sit and talk for hours and hours sharing memories of days gone by.
I feel really lucky that I had such a great family life growing up and as Mom passed away from cancer 10 years ago..it's been Dad and I. He's been my best friend since them and I'm thankful for God giving me such a great Dad!!
Funny, sometimes when we talk, he'll tell me that no matter what, he'll always love me and that I should remember that one day when he's "on the other side of the grass" as he puts it. He thinks of age as a number as he's 87 going on 88 but somehow thinks he's 88 going on 100 sometimes..lol..
I remember when my husband and I were engaged. My dad told my future husband that he'd walk me down the aisle, but he wasn't giving me away, as I'd always be his "little girl".
And I AM a Daddy's Girl..even at 53 years old. My dad is my best friend in the world. Again..I can't remember a time he wasn't there for me and now that he's elderly..there has never been a time that I haven't been there for him.
There have been times when he was afraid when he was sick, and looked for his daughter..and I was right there by his side. I slept on a crappy couch in his hospital room and wouldn't have left if someone paid me.
When he went down for tests, I was right there with him. When he had a stroke..I was there for him also...keeping him going and giving him reasons to live.
When he had to give up his home, I fouid the best Assisted Living place and he loved his apartment!! Everything was there for him so that he could do his own laundry, make new friends, etc.
Then when he couldn't live on his own anymore, I found him the BEST nursing facility with the biggest room in the place..making sure that his bill was paid and helping him the best I could so that he wouldn't have to share a room.
His quiet "Thank You's" are all I need when I wheel him in his wheelchair to his doctor that is right across the street..the times I take him out to see Mom out in the cemetary, etc.
I'd do absolutely anything for my Dad..as he's done everything for me throughout my life. Again..I can't remember a time he wasn't there for me, no matter WHAT it was.
He was there for boyfriend breakups and he dried my tears. He fixed my cars when they broke down and froze his fingers in the process. He maintained my cars and put new tires on them when needed.
When my dog had glaucoma, Dad was the one that went with me to his appts at the eye clinic. He was there for me through his glaucoma surgeries, etc. Dad was the one that drove an hour there..and an hour back with me, giving me all the support I needed..and was even there when I lost my baby and helped me dig a hole in the backyard for him while I cried my eyes out.
Best Dad ever!! It's so tough to see him age and I miss the dad he used to be like crazy. Every now and then he "shows" up..and those are the days I thrive on!!
One day, when he's no longer here with me..I'll miss him to pieces, but will take so many memories with me. Thank you God for such a great Dad..I am truely blessed and will somehow have to let go when he goes.
It will be the hardest day of my life, as I can't even imagine life without him.
However, if and when he goes..he'll go with wings as he's definately earned his here on earth!!
I can only hope to live life like he and my mom did and they were so very happy together. He misses her so much and tells me he dreams of her every single night. He tells me often that he'll never find another more beautiful woman to be the love of his life and the mother of his children and grandchildren.
I'll live with that thought forever as I've been truely blessed!!