So I just laid down the law...

Started by

Well, I just informed everyone if they bring the old man home from the facility...im gone if they do not hire care. After speaking with my mother, i told them what she said..hospice is for family to provide care not my responsibility. Over the last 45 minutes, ive been called every name in the book, so i guess battle lines are drawn.

60 Comments

You go, girl! I don't know what they expected.
Which side of the line is boyfriend on?
He's in the denial that his dad cant wipe his own butt side. I'm making another report to aps after the meeting at 10 on wed where doctors and social workers here what i say, then my conscience is clear. Im not saying i wont take a shift but your father..your responsibility
Tell it!
So our meeting is at 10 am today and im getting a little nervous. I have informed everyone of my decision but they are in denial. Even though the man has mild dementia, doesnt know if its morning or night, what meal hes eating or how to properly take medication and cant remember things, the doctor at the facility signed papers yesterday stating hes competent to make decisions. So now i dont know what to expect. I told the old man several times of my decision but he doesnt grasp it. So essentially, i had myself prepared to stand up to the family now im trying to figure out how to get him to understand what hes in for since hes making his own decisions
Tacy, he won't comprehend. My dad also cannot look out the window and not tell if it's day or night. He looks at the clock, and he thinks it's always morning or lunch or dinner. But not any in betweens (like 11pm midnight, not 11am near lunch, etc...) I've tried reasoning with dad but I can tell it flies right over his head. You can explain to him in very simple and few words. But, don't count on it staying too long.

Remember this, once he comes home, everyone flees. And no matter how deteriorates, they will continue to Not See it. So, I wish you well in speaking up and holding firm. Don't let them guilt you or trick you. Have some back up plans if the worse case scenario happens. I'm hoping for you!
Bookluvr, thats exactly what is going on and why im suprised they declared him competent to make his own decisions. My plan was to leave town tomorrow and force family to take responsibility for their actions. Now im dealing with a person that doesnt understand consequences of decisions
Tacy, more power to your elbow. Good words to lean on heavily are "risk," "vulnerable," and however you want to describe the old man's best interests - if the family isn't thinking responsibly about a proper care plan, any professionals involved should catch on pretty quickly once you've drawn their attention to it. And that should concentrate their minds on what happens to their backsides if, God forbid, anything should go wrong and you've already warned them.

And if that doesn't work I'll carry a bowl over myself for you to wash your hands of it :)
Tacy, my dad is not yet at the stage which I would consider incompetent. I wish he can be declared incompetent and yet I don't. If he's incompetent, then I cannot just pack up and leave - because I will now be his caregiver in everyone's eyes except the letter of the law and the medical community. I have no POA, nor does he wants to give it to anyone. So, by default, I will be the next living relative to be responsible for him.

You have one thing good going for you - he's not your father. So, you can pack up and leave town so that the family learns to take care of him. You won't be accused of elderly neglect - as long as you leave someone with him when you do.
Tacy, how did the meeting go?

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support