Follow
Share

I can't say it enough... this site has been a Godsend since I had the task of care giving dropped in my lap.

After fighting outside battles with my Narcissistic father who's been nothing but a bully all his life, fighting with family that doesn't help but only criticizes and dealing with my own inner battle about NOT wanting to be a caregiver (after all...the bible does say honor thy father and mother... HAH!!!), I've reached a breaking point and started to make subtle changes towards doing something for myself.

Between the tough love I've received here and the director of dad's Adult Day Center looking at my face one day and advising me to take care of me, I get it. SO... I've decided to take Daddy back to the Independent Living facility (whether he kicks and screams or not) and limit his Adult Day Care outings to the FREE days offered by the VA.

I realized that no amount of extra that I do will ever be appreciated, and he doesn't NEED a facility, overnight care and adult day care, but I NEED peace of mind, so this is going to be a compromise for the both of us.

I'm still struggling with the decision somewhat, because I promised not to "put him away", and part of me still feels like I'm doing that, but as you all have stated...

I don't want to reach a point where, if he should live another 5 - 10 years, we can attest to what a FULL life he's lived and I will be 45-50 years old with a pile of sacrifices for someone who just bled me dry.

...counting the days until October when I can move him back and slowly start to live my own life.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing

7 Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First
Good for you! I wish you much success in reclaiming your life. Please keep us posted, you can serve as an inspiration to others!
(1)
Report
T7ny, YES! GOOD FOR YOU, for taking your life back, and Yes, while still caring and honoring your Father. You deserve ever good thing to come for everything you have already done, and he will still be cared for, and will also be able to create his own life amongst peers. Much more than many people get, and it's time for you to finally enjoy yourself! I so wish that we had done things differently, but now 11 years into Caregiving in our home, my FIL'S decline will keep him with us until we will have to make different plans for him in the future, whenever that might be. Good luck to you and your Dad!
(2)
Report
Tiny, good for you. I believe with all my heart that we honor our parents by getting them what they NEED, which is not always the same as what they want.
(3)
Report
I'm glad to see that you've been able to move forward and make this decision.
(4)
Report
Good for you. There are people who make it a joy to care for them. Maybe they aren't that easy to care for now, but they were So Good to us when they were themselves. Others haven't earned the ultimate sacrifice of our entire life.

As ye sow, so shall ye reap. That's in the Bible, too. You are taking good care of him, better than he deserves. Take care of yourself. There are others in the world who will appreciate you. Keep well and alive for them.
(3)
Report
I took Dad out of Independent Living the first time because he was getting Independent Living, Adult Day Care and an Overnight nurse in his apartment in the facility. It was WAY too expensive!

When he goes back this time, he's going to be reduced to two days a week of Adult Day Care (the VA covers that) and no overnight nurse. He's safe in the building, and if he gets lonely, he can socialize with others in the building.

No more spoiling
(5)
Report
Tinyblu, so many times we promise our parents we won't put them into Assisted Living or a nursing home, but that promise usually was made when one's parent(s) were still active, still driving, still taking care of their own health and their own home. We never envisioned our parent(s) to become elderly down the line with so many limitations.

You have to do what you think is best for your Dad, and what is best for you. You'd think he would want to be around people of his own generation where they have a lot in common. I know I would.

I can't remember, why did you take your Dad out of Independent living to begin with? Was it your idea or his?
(1)
Report
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter