My sisters moved in with my mother after my father passed away.


My father was ill for 4 years with Altzheimers and they never came around, even though my mom begged them for help.I was my dads sole caretaker 4 years, none from them, zero. After he passed they moved right in and now take my mom shopping everyday, her garage is looking like a store. They dont work, just shop. Well today I went to my moms and my sisters took our fathers remains off the fireplace mantel and put them away on a back book shelve, so they could put up fall decorations on the mantel! I flipped out! My dad does not belong put away. He belongs in the room, with his family. My mom know thinks its all ok for my sisters to keep disrespecting my father, like they did when he was alive. Its NOT ok with me to have my dads ashes put away until the holidays are over. Its not ok with me at all. I put my father back where he was, in the family room, watching over us. I will defend my father in death, as I did in his life until his last breath. My mom will no longer talk about anything in front of me, my sisters whisper when im around, and my mom lies for them. I dont like this, not at all. They did nothing for my parents at all, nothing, zero. My mom would beg my sisters to vome and heolp with my dad, she would cry. he kept telling them it was not right to let me do everything alone, in which I did, Diaper changes and all. Now im an outcast and the leaches have taken over, and my poor old mother is gong along with them. My mom, me and my dad use to travel, go places, see things, up until a week before he died. We went everywhere together. Now I cant get my mom out of the house without my sisters who dont have jobs, so she pays for everything, which is so wrong. Now my mom sits at home or shops, nothing else. My mom talks about traveling together, but I wont go without them, i wont go and watch my mom pay for them. it disgust me. What do I do?

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I'm guessing the whole bunch of them are shopaholics and father kept them on a short leash. Personally I would pack up the urn and take it home with me. I'd put it on my own mantle, pour a drink for both of us and enjoy the peace.

You sound great, but maybe your sisters are coming around now for financial reasons. Perhaps if your parents have a will leaving you more money, (since you took care of your father for four years), your sisters may be up to something fishy. Siblings that are out of the picture for years, sometimes come out of hibernation when money is involved. It seems as if the siblings that help the least, are the most interested in the inheritance. I guess it's because of their low character.

my mom wont go anywhere without them, she feel bad if they are home alone. Little info about one of my sisters. She only came to live with my mom because her husband was caught selling meth and went to prison (5 time felon) one of many men she has lived with have sold meth. she is a bad girl who does bad stuff. This is a major concern for me. My mom sees no bad in her, but i know the truth about her lifestyle she will bring bad people into the house.

First of all, be very grateful that you had four years of closeness with your father and mother. It was your choice, it was a good one, and you should be proud of it.

Next, realize that for reasons that may not be apparent to you, your sisters had a very different relationship with your father than you did. You cannot change that. You had yours; they had something different. Let it go.

Also, accept that your mother can make her own decisions now. Your sisters did not move in without her consent. I assume they are not forcing her to buy stuff. If she is mentally competent she gets to live her life as she sees fit. I agree with you that it doesn't seem fair, and it seems so wrong that she supports your sisters. But then, I don't know the entire picture. In any case, it is up to your mother. If you think they are seriously exploiting her and she is vulnerable, ask APS to investigate.

Consider that the people in the house get to decide how to decorate and where to place things. Your mother is in charge, not you. If she wants the urn off the mantel for now, respect that. Or, offer to take it to your house. It is not your father in that container. His spirit can be present with or without his ashes. (My husband's ashes are not only on a bookshelf, they are behind some books! No disrespect at all. Really -- if one of our children came in and tried to tell me where I had to keep the ashes, I would be hurt and mad. I certainly would feel disrespected, and I would not put up with it.)

Have you tried, "Mom, I'd like to spend some time with just you and me. Let's go to xxxx tomorrow"? What is preventing your mom from going out sometimes without your sisters?

I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry things are not working out the way you had expected them to. Perhaps talking to a a counselor would help you come to terms with the situation.

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