Sister with airy promises!

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Hi my sister still owes money to my husband for working on her house 10 years ago when she was going through a divorce on top of it all, she always gives airy promises and never keeps them she promised to do some baking and preplanned meals for my my Mom never did I have been here a year gave up my job and moved from far away and I was here three winters in a row before that she and my brother are an hour away she promise to pay for a pedicure for me and do a sister fun get away for two days never happen the list goes on then she talks about me to my oldest daughter who also when mad at me they talk together I know this because when in a good mood my daughter tells me what she says so sick of it what to do and she is on my Facebook and I say like to a lot of her stuff and she never does on mine?? To add to this I once ask her if she could help me with coming over to help me vacuum my back was out she freaked out and said why can't our Step-Dad kids do it just went off on me I said it's okay I will take care of it has I was in major pain! On top of it all she just finished fostering a child and said she was glad to have more time I thought well this might be good she can come help on weekends then she sends me a video text message of a child and says look at our new addition to the family I almost fell right then and there she is only doing it for the money big time she likes money and fine wine a little too much but has run me down for years even to my own children when I got divorced from their father Please someone anyone I am feeling very mad and sad at the same time!

14 Comments

Is this about your sister not helping with your mother's care or a personality conflict you have with her?
Get a good counselor or therapist, because you need to unload with someone who can sort it all out and put things in order. There are some long-standing family dynamics here, three generations of bad feeling won't be solved overnight.
Well, I don't know how old you and your sister are, but you have known each other for all of the younger one's life. Surely by now you know what to expect from your sister and her promises. To have expectations that don't match reality is not healthy.

(A member of my family has never been on time to an event in the entire time I've known her. If I relied on her arriving at a certain time for something critical, everyone else in the family would think I'm the crazy one! I love this person, by the way, but I don't expect her to be anyone but who she is.)

That your sister does not live up to her promises and your expectations is clearly very upsetting to you. I agree with pstegman that seeing a therapist could be very helpful to you. It probably won't change your sister, but it could allow you to live with the situation with less distress.
Thank you all for your advice but I cannot afford to go to a therapist unfortunately that is why I vent to you guys.
Hello please don't get me wrong I love my sister dearly I have always been there for her when she was going through a divorce renovating her house moving garage sales fighting with her husband a shoulder to cry on but when I asked her to please help me out my back was in pain do to my Sciatica and fibro she just went on a angry roll about my Step-Dad's family can come help it was me who needed the help?
Yes it is an issue with my sister and now it has come down to I would like it if she help with our mother.
I would stop setting myself up for a fall. Time to distance yourself from her and settle your mind that she's not going to change. You don't need anymore stress in your life.

Start putting yourself first... You are #1 in your life...
I would not rely on a person who lives a life on empty promises. Your sister may very well mean what she says in the present, but she changes her mind down the line. Do not hold on to any hope that your sister will hold true to her convictions, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. Best to look for help outside the family if you can.
Thank you assandache and Debralee Should I remove her from my Facebook??
If reading your sister's Facebook entries distresses you, why would you want to continue to do it? You say you love her dearly, but maybe it is the kind of love that works better at a distance.

Are you in the US? Do you have/will you soon be getting health insurance? I think some counselling really would help you, and you deserve all the help you can get!

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