My sister is taking advantage of mom.

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For the past 30 years my sister has lived with my mom and dad and has never helped with expenses. She's been in and out of jail and in trouble for a good part of that time. Surprisingly, she has held a job in the last 8 years at a halfway house counseling addicts. The problem is when my dad died a few months ago from ahlzeimers, I found out my sister, who had been appointed POA when my dad got sick, had been taking anywhere from $1000 to $2500 per month from their checking account using an ATM card she had acquired for herself. She had also manipulated my mom into signing credit card convenience checks totaling over $20,000 made out to my sister, her daughter and her husband. I found this out when my dad died and my mom said she was missing money. My mom has since changed her will and I am now the DPOA, thank goodness. Then, about 2 years before my dad died, my sister temporarily moved out of my mom's house and into her daughter and son-in-law's home, claiming her daughter needed help with her child. However, a week after my dad was buried, my sister, her daughter and husband and child moved back into my mom's house. I didn't know why, but suspected they had lost their home. I was right. My problem is they have lived with my mom for over 8 months now, do not help my mom or contribute to any of the household expenses. The 3 of them together make over $100,000 a year. My mom is now in the early stages of dementia and is afraid to ask them to help with anything. I have told my mom they should be paying rent and helping with household expenses. They also just bought new cars, all 3 of them. Then today I found out the husband is addicted to drugs and got fired from his job. I feel this is elder abuse in the worst way, but don't know what to do. I have contacted APS, but they have done nothing. Help!


There is a great link on this site regarding elder abuse
You might want to contact an attorney that specializes in elder law.
Good luck!
Call the police and have them get the leeching family out of the house. Since you are DPOA, you can do questions asked! Tell police you want them OUT of the house now.
What a tough situation, well we know the money has gone and will go to more drugs. If you are the DPOA I assume you also made out a health care proxy? If you are in charge of your moms finances now as DPOA and money is missing you are responsible. As Health Care Proxy if them living there affects your moms health you have a right to kick them to the curb. Get a free lawyer consultation now! Maybe your mom is afraid but she put you in charge and you need to do this for her, that money is for her and them living there , even free, is costing her in utilities, etc. Good luck!
Get them out now! It is bad for your mother's health as well as her finances.
I have had a similar problem with a sibling, a "recovering" heroin addict. He manipulated Mom (and Dad too, before he passed) out of $150K. After Dad died, brother stepped up his game. As DPOA I needed guidance so I met with an Elder Care lawyer. He told me exactly what to do and what my rights were. But in your case I do agree with posts above, that the police should be called immediately. As the person in charge of your mom's welfare you do need to take action. Also, your mom isn't in her right frame of mind right now, so please don't let her tell you what to do. I learned that the hard way. Be strong!
Get a lawyer immediately. They need to be evicted and a restraining warrant placed on them. If your mother is not of sound mind and you are now the POA you have a right and obligation to do this. I take it your sister has been removed as POA, because it is possible for two people to have that. What she is doing is illegal if she doesn't have legal rights to 'manage' her money.
It sound from what you are saying that there is a very long history of your parents enabling her. What she is doing is what she has always done and her family is 'in' on it.
My husband's only brother is a type 1 diabetic who lives in the same town with her. Forever (30 years or so) both he and my husband have had POA but he is the one who is there; we are 2400 miles away. Her house is sold and right after my FIL passed away he wasted no time in getting her 'liquidated' so the house (all four were on the deed, then 3 after FIL died) proceeds and everything in it were divided up 3 ways. We urged her not to sell it, because it would have been a protected asset. In selling it, we ended up owing capital gains as he did too, but greed drove him on anyway. Now she is in a really - in our opinion - depressing, awful nursing home. She has repeatedly refused to re-do the POA to just one person (even if it is the brother, my husband is so frustrated seeing her allow him to use her that if she won't see the light he'd rather just be out of the whole thing). She has a hard head but not dementia - she thinks because she has a will everything will be 'divided equally' and that the brothers will be 'fair'. He has already told my husband that he counts on her money for his retirement and he has covertly badmouthed us to the whole family to discredit our motives, saying "I am the one who is here, taking care of her". We can't do anything to fix this situation, so even when she complains about the home or about him, we repeat that she could come to live close to us and we would be glad to handle everything. She won't hear of it, so we have curtailed what we will listen to. However, she is of sound mind. Your mother isn't. Act now, while she still has anything left to protect.
My point about my BIL being diabetic is that he was 14 when he was diagnosed. His mother has made excuses for him all of his life (he's 64). Two sets of expectations were placed on the brothers. My husband rose to the occasion and has been successful in work and in saving for retirement. The one who had excuses made for him all his life 'lived up' to his expectations as well.
I have empathy for parents who worry about their kids. I have a son who also was diagnosed at 22 with type 1 (very unusual, as my husband is my 2nd and not related in any way, so his brother's diabetes has nothing to do with my son's- and only 1-2% of all diabetics are type 1!). My husband also has a son who made bad choices and has done hard prison time. Those things were his CHOICES, not something that happened to him. So often, when a person is enabled all their life, they have a sense of entitlement that willingly bulldozes all over everyone else. Wringing ones hands about this does no good.
take your POA documents to the bank, and have them cancel the existing ATM cards, change the bank account number, and whatever else they can do to keep the leech from draining that account. Then call the cops. They need to leave, immediately. Have a locksmith ready to change locks the moment they leave. Also, i wonder of those new cars were paid for outright, or if mom is on the hook for financing?
Hi, I am sorry about how your sister and other members are being. Your Mom is a easy target or victim. It is important to help her find a lawyer. I agree with what someone earlier said change her bank accounts to you and your Mom only....change banks completely.....
I would put all your Mom's papers in a safety box or firesafe. I would take inventory or pictures of your Mom's posessions.
Can you sell your Mom's house and move her with you or near you?
Is there anyone else who can help you legally to protect your Mom?
It is sad that some adult children are so selfish and use their parents.
I would close out any credit cards she has to stop your sister from using them.
Since we do my motherinlaws finances I don't know who you would need to take care of your Mom's finances if you can't or need help.
Can you put your Mom's money in accounts where your sister can not get to them or have any rights to them?
Can you rent out your Mom's house and force your sister and her brood to move out?
Do you need to go to the police or judge to evict them and press charges against your sister and whoever else has stolen from your Mom?
Your Mom isn't safe with a drug user in the house.
Do you live in the same town? Are you able to check on your Mom often?
I hope you find the help and answers you need to advocate for your Mom.....
Take care.
All comments are good and we all agree....kick them to the DPOA you have the right and more importantly the obligation to protect your mom.. Get an elder abuse lawyer to assist you with the legalities, a pity APS hasn't helped, get police involved and get a restraining order against all three of them so they cannot return to mom's house when you aren't looking. Very best of luck to you, be strong!

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