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I told my sister because of my current back issues, I can't sit in hard chairs( can;t stay for the brunch) and I wanted one on one time with our mother on Easter Sunday from 11am-11:30am which 11:30 is when my sister said she would be there. Now she has changed her time to come at 11am. I want to see my mom without having to entertain my sister but she can't see or understand that. Our mom has Alzheimer's, sis it primary on the POA. I know the logical solution is to come at 10:30 but I also wanted to visiti with sis and my brother. So without getting all emo here...what more can I say to my sis that my time with our mom is private and important to me...She isn't getting it at all.

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Yes txcamper, she is ok. Not even a bruise this time. Thanks for asking. The pain is more manageable now. I still don't know when I go back to work.

Yes I did have a good visit with my mom for 30 minutes, then my sis and brother came. We all had a good visit together.

Littletonway~Sometimes you just want to have that little bit of personal time alone with your parent. Not to monopolize them...just to enjoy a little one on one time. I hope you were able to get some time as well.
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I understand completely. There were four of us and having time alone with Mom was next to impossible. As soon as one heard I was going to visit, within minutes all four were there. I began to believe they were afraid Mom and I might talk about something they felt they needed to hear. If I made a quick visit alone, then the questions started about our discussion. We had to really set boundaries for visiting when she lived in our home. So so childish. Hope the day went well.
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So how did it go? Is your mother ok after her fall? Since you didn't say, I hope so. Some falls are worse than others.

I hope you got a nice visit with your mother, and really, if I were you, I'd get a pillow. Anything you can do to ease your pain even a little bit, is worth it I think.
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Thanks txcamper. I don't blame my sis and I do want to visit with her too but only after I have had some personal time with our mom. It will all work out, I just got frustrated when sis said she would be there at 11 instead of 11:30.
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Sharon, I'm sorry about your back pain. If you know you need a donut cushion, get one. I'm pretty sure insurance would pay at least part of it if the doctor says you need one.

When you get to the facility to visit your mom, lie on her bed rather than trying to sit up the entire time. Maybe she'll lie down with you and you can hold her and talk.

POA (as mentioned in your initial question above) has nothing to do with how often you OR your sister visit with your mother. It is merely a legal document that allows someone to make decisions on your mother's behalf. So don't sweat the fact that she is primary on POA.

Hope you work this out to your satisfaction. Don't blame sister for wanting to see you too. Plus, I'm sure your mom enjoys the double attention and doesn't mind having you both there.
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I like to have some personal time with my mom because once my sister arrives the visit becomes about her not my mom. I will just go a little earlier so I can see my mom and focus on her until my sis arrives.
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You are fight jeannie..I guess I am too concerned with hurting my sis while I know sis is in nerd of serif.g me and our brother. Lets contuine this tomorrow.ad I wad just called that my mom fell again and I cant respond
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OK, you want to visit Mom alone. What is stopping you? Why not go on Saturday if you know Sis is going on Sunday? I still am not understanding this.

My three sisters and I all visit our mother in a nursing home. We try to keep each other informed of when we are going, in order the spread the visits out. We don't want three of us to visit on Monday and then no one the rest of the week. But if it happens two of us are there together, No Big Deal -- we'll be alone with Mother the next visit.

Can't you visit your mother alone anytime you want to? If Sis lives farther away and it is harder for her to schedule, can't you just plan your visits around hers? At least she is telling you when she will be there, and you can plan accordingly -- both to have some time with your Sister and Mother together, if you want that, and to plan another visit with Mother alone.

What am I missing? Why is your sister's visiting time a problem for you?
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My travel time is minimialn. Scheduling my time eazier since mom and I are in the city. I just want to know how j can get my sis to understand that my visit to my mom are not visits with sis.
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Jeannie-my mother oz in a memory care unit . I don't to mislead anyone ...this sharynmarie.
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Sharon, could you explain where your mother is, and how far you travel to see her and how far your sister does? I don't think I'm understanding the situation.
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txcamper~a seat cushion may help...a donut cushion but I don't have on. After 3 weeks out of work am only able to now sit at my computer. I have dengerative disc disease ( if you google that, it is not a disease...wear and tear on the spine and 50% of the population between ages 30-50 already have it), On the left sift side of my lower back...this degeneration is putting pressure on the sciatic nerve. Siting and standing for very long is painful but it is getting much better from chiropractotic manipulation. ironically...with no minimum pain on the right side...I was told I am going to need a hip replacement on the right side. I am not disputing this but not rushing into surgery either.

Right now the issue is pressure on the left sciatic nerve. I have not been able to visit my mom since 3-14.I can sit for short periods of time..mostly I have to lay down on my back to relieve the pain. I somewhat brought this on myself because I ignored the pain..slapped an ice pack on and after 30 minutes was good to go. I love my Chiro because I went to went against his orders last Friday (3-27 I clocked in at 9:00 am and clocked out again at 9:51)

It is just resting using ice packs, manipulation of my spine, muscle relaxers and anti inflammatories.

I don't want to hurt my sis...but I want her to understand that I what time with our mom that is personal
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freqflyer- this is hard because my sis wants whats our time for visitation with her. She is by herself...I don't want to hurt her but she wants the attention. I think I will go at 10:30 so I have 30 minutes of one on one time with my mom on Sunday. How to deal with this in the future? My visits to mom are not about my sis.
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Do you have a seat cushion you could carry with you and be able to sit in the hard chair at brunch? I don't understand family members who want to play games, either. Maybe she thinks you *want* her there when you are there and so she changed her time, especially since you said you want to visit with them too. Can you visit with Mother on Saturday or Monday? Your visit would be just as meaningful to her on any day, doesn't have to be a holiday. I guess if Sunday is the only day, you have the right idea, go at 10:30.

You know that Mother's Day is just around the corner. Have the schedule ready and written down if you want private time. Be sure to post it or email it or something so that the other family members can't say they forgot or didn't know.

Enjoy your visit and hopefully you can stay for the brunch. Sorry about your backache. Maybe a pain pill and a cushion can get you through the day comfortably.
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Sharon, could you take your Mother to another room which is private and talk to her there?
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