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our Aunt is being terrible and accusing us of wanting moms money and her death because we are looking at nurseing homes,mom has prmary progressive aphasia
and getting worst with forgetfulness using salad bowls on the stove to cook with etc.we have 2 partime caregivers 3hrs a day for meds, food etc. I sis have not 2days in a row off in 3yrs.because we see her weekends mom has a fiduciary we are in contact with everyweek,sis and I have POA.Aunt wants to take us to court because mom gave sis a loan for a home,30 people friends of mom know we are their for her ,what can aunt do besides upset mom?

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I don't see how the loan fits into all this ... is that going to be counted as an asset if you apply for Medicaid? Is your aunt making payments on it? Does she expect to ever pay it back? Anyway, what does that have to do with Mother's long-term care?

My suggestion is that your and your sister do what is best for your mother, as well as you can determine that. Let Aunt fuss. Let her go to court if that is what she wants to do. If she has no case, that won't go very far. "Sorry, Aunt, I'm sure you have Mother's best interest at heart, but we don't agree with you. As POA, we have the responsibility to make decisions and act on them. You go ahead and do whatever you feel you must. We are moving forward with planning for Mother's future."

If your mother is getting worse, either more in-home care is required, or long-term care placement is appropriate. Make that decision considering such factors as the kind of care Mom needs, what she wants, what you can reasonably handle, and financial considerations. That is really enough to juggle, without adding in Aunt's opinion.

Stand firm for your mother. Good luck!
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