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Mom has been living with my sister for 4 years and is taking my moms narcotics, my Mom giving them to her, she is 90 years old, forgetful and hard of hearing but very frail, I just discovered this because my Mother was in pain but didn't have any pills, my sister admitted she took them, I told her not to again, then discover she has taken 33 pills in 18 days

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I am having a very hard time seeing a 90/yo taking narcotics, and in a frail state. Sounds like your sister took like 2 a day.

When I was on vicodin, (I was allowed 4 a day) When I had cancer I had much stronger medicine. (I was given 4 percocet a day also and I had to refuse the oxycontin)

I cannot believe 2 pills a day makes an addict. I am sure your mother was trying to help her daughter. No they will not refill certain drugs before a certain time, and I do blame your sister for this.

(She most likely could have got her own medicine if she was in pain)

However I do not believe your sister should have been taking your mothers medicine. (Above I was just giving examples of how I felt, and that 2 pills a day does not make a addict!)

If your sister has been caring for your mother 4 years 'she must be doing something right' Do you find other signs of abuse?

Just some questions, to help clear other questions.
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nah: caregiving is not a license to take the medication that belongs to a loved one who needs it; in fact it is elder abuse. caregiving is stressful and we are likely to all agree on that but thievery and the like are not acceptable under any circumstances...as you suggested to the poster, "go take care of your mom"...i thought the comment made "check back with us in four years" was cruel. If you are an insane caregiver you need to seek professional help. Many of us here might be tired and more but I would bet most are entirely sane and do not have to resort to taking medications that our loved ones need/depend on.
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I was rather lost on this one. What narcotic was it? Were both your mother and sister taking them? 33 in 18 days for most pain relievers is not so many, particularly if two people are using them. The addiction alarms wouldn't be going off for me, but I would get my mother away from there if your think there is a problem. If there is no addiction, calling the police would just create unproductive family hardship. I would make sure there was addiction before I would do anything extreme.
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Thank you Jeanne for realizing that it exactly all it was. :)
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Thank you for sharing your personal view, PamelaSue.
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i dont totally agree with everything said here. taking pills that someone gives you and swiping pills are somewhat different situations. both illegal but in todays for profit judicial system just about everything is illegal. so aside from the legal aspect id suggest providing personal care to your mother for about the next 4 years and get back with us. i know that sounds hatefull but ive been on the recieving end of jealous , resentful family standing back and hurling grenades. in the real world in real time the caregiver is barely sane by this point..
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As a recovered drug addict with 21 years clean, I get to be the expert here today. Or at least I will explain an addicts way of thinking. This is my expert advice,

as always you are free to take it or leave it.



Most people will not quit without hitting bottom. If she has not hit bottom yet, Provide it for her.

No cota4kids, this was not the pressure of caring for mother, an addict is an addict is an addict. If an addict has never dealt with their problem, they will act like an addict and it's not pretty. Yes, some may hold back, we all have lines we will not cross, but our drug of choice is like your favorite food to you. If there is some in the house, it's going to be ours. If there are drugs present we WILL STEAL THEM, or we WILL CON someone to get them. Our only thought is for ourselves. She is not caring about her mother AT ALL, she wants her high and she WILL hurt whoever is in her way to get it. Somehow we make this ok in our heads. She will convince herself that she needs it to do the job, or that she deserves it because she has worked so hard and is stressed and/or is in some type of pain. It's sick, but no, addiction is not a disease, it's a choice. I chose to do drugs, and I finally chose not to do drugs. It was very difficult, but now I can say it's worth it. I was tired of living in my own created hell.

Beanie, CALL THE POLICE and tell them exactly what you have told us. This will do a two things. Your mother will be able to be resupplied with her medication. Her doctor may not have been able to refill her medication before, because it would have been too soon, possibly making him look bad. Class C drugs are recorded.

This will be the false bottom your sister needs. Oh yes, she is definitely going to hate you for a while, but a narcotic addiction is not a nice ending and you don't want her to go there. Once sobered up, she may be able to reflect on what she has done and realize that she caused physical pain to her own mother. I'll be honest, it might take longer than that, she might have to hit bottom a few times. I only needed one. Steve needed multiple bottoms before he set a date a year hence, I wanted to strangle the man, all he did was exchange drugs. UGH. Anyways, hopefully the judge will force her into Rehab. He will at least force her into NA or AA meetings.

Meanwhile, pack your mom's stuff up and take her out, I was going the other way around when I realized it was your sister's place. I hope you can find a place for your mom, it's just not safe for her there.

If/when they let her out of jail and she tries to see you, PLEASE have family and/or friends with you. She will be angry, she might get violent. Or she might try another tactic, we addicts can be very manipulative and some are great actresses/actors. She will say you were right for what you did, she understands, she can't believe she hurt her own mother, she does need to quit, and she wants to thank you for what you did for her. She would say all this and act quite contrite if it got mom back in her house.

Like I said, this is just what "I" would do based on my knowledge. It's your family and you need to make your own decisions.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mother, and your sister. God Bless you all.
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Thanks everyone for ur feedback!
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i second the thought above; this is not warm and fuzzy and must be handled legally/professionally...and what your sister is doing is likely elder abuse since mom does not have her medications (withhholding medication is abuse) do the right thing and get mom another place to live/if not, at least, for now.
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Everyone is right on this situation! Your sister needs help and mom shouldn't be in pain. Who knows what else is going on. Your mom may not be telling you everything to protect your sister.
Definitely talk to mom's doctor and lawyer and make other arrangements for mom. Then take care of your sister and get her some help! Good luck!!
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The pressure of caregiving can cause caregivers to do and not to do lots of things that are not a part of who they are. I would never do something like the pill thing or drinking thing, but it is a tough job and only gets tougher. I agree, your Mom needs other living arrangements and the sister needs help for her addiction. Best of Luck to all.
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The pressure of caregiving may have gotten to your sister, so be kind to her but do as the others have said. POA needs to be changed immediately. Living arrangements need to be adjusted as well. In the interim can a visiting nurse come in and administer and oversee the meds? Once someone has gotten hooked on pills, you really can't trust or believe them again.
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You can also call elder abuse services and the police as that is a felony, make sure the poa is changed, will keep you in my prayers
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You sister is an addict and needs help for that but your Mother needs other living arrangements immediately! The attorney needs to be notified immediately as well and the POA given to someone (presumably you) who is capable of properly managing your Mother's well-being. There are no "warm and fuzzy" resolutions to this problem and anything your sister promises to you will be meaningless statements. Protect your Mother.
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