Sister is out of hand.


Well here we go again. My sister contacted me by email today to quiz me on mom's Credit Card bill. she told me in her email that Mom could not afford this. the only thing on the credit card bill was her cigarettes, one grocery bill we split grocery's 4 ways so she pays one time a month, I purchased some Bra's for my mom and she bought a pizza. I stopped all communication about three weeks ago due to this type of behavior and now she has gone nuts, My mom currently has plenty of money but for some reason my sister thinks all this should be paid for by me and my husband or her solution is to leave mom at home, I'm just not going to do that, Mom likes to go on vacation and out to dinner but of course we can't always pay. She now has even gone as far as telling me that her company has sold and she has no vacation, that means she will not be able to come to my house at all so I can go on vacation. She has told me that mom can only come to her house if her caregiver comes, I told her that its almost impossible to get anyone to go for more than a week and she responds by laughing and saying I KNOW!!! I have never been so disappointed at people. I know I need to stop dwelling on all this and move on, I just don't understand how they can justify in their minds that its ok to treat someone like this. I told her off last week she had the nerve to tell me that she has decided not to help me anymore with Mom, all I could say is well that's fine exactly what do you do to help me except questioning me on money all the time. she was speechless. Has anyone else had experience with family that just does not seem to care? How do you move on and have no feelings. Mom tells me all the time that my sister must be awful mad because she stays with me all the time and I have to actually sit there and make excuses for her. I would never want mom to know the truth about the situation it would hurt her so bad.

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Possibly your sister doesn't want your mother's money spent, so it will be more inheritance for your sister at some point. In addition, it sounds as if your sister could have some type of type of personality disorder, such as narcissism. There are many people that have undiagnosed personality disorders, and appear "normal" until you really get to know them. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to stop thinking about a difficult sibling. Speaking for myself, I do not plan to be in contact with my siblings at some point down the road, after both of my parents are gone.

I agree with Maggie.. Change everything to your name.. If Mom doesn't want to do it then tell her your sister wants her to go in a NH and she'll do it...

Take your mom to your attorney and draw up a new financial power of attorney in your name. Have the attorney write a formal letter 'to whom it may concern' revoking your sister's. Go to the banks itch mom, show them the revocation letter and your new one. Ask them if they'd like mom to open a new c/a to keep it simple. Do do.

You start paying your mom's bills and give your sister a monthly accounting. This is called the nuclear option. Only you can decide if you want to continue haggling or solve the problem permanently.

Oh Aveeno, I feel for you. Such a tough spot. You well know that your sister isn't going to change, well except to get worse, as she has shown you this time.

I'm not sure you CAN move on and not have bad feelings - her behavior towards you would make a saint have bad feelings towards her, and we're all just human. You will probably just have to try to continue to be civil in your interactions.

It might be good to document your conversations (or even record them) to have for later. I imagine that her current behavior is only a glimpse of what may come when your mom passes on. And you may be called on to defend everything you did while mom was in your care.

At any rate, hopefully venting here to others who are caregiving and completely understand what you are going through helps you in some way. We are on your side, and you are doing a good job with your mom - she's lucky to have you!

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