My sister claims to be the Daughter of the Year, but does nothing. Help!

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She does not work (I work full time). She does not have any childen ( I have 2 young children). I do my mother's bills/finances and take her to appts, call almost every day and visit once a week. This has caused strain in the relationship. She does not return phone calls very well and always claims that she is very ill. Help!


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I guess she could be very ill. Maybe it's just an excuse. At any rate, there's very little you can do to "make" her help. If you can detach from the emotional issues, it will help you. You are carrying a lot - many of us have been sandwich generation caregivers. I have and I know how hard it is. I wish there were a magic pill to change your sister into a helping person, but there isn't. You are facing reality, and you'll have to make your choices. Will this tear you apart or can you detach from it and maybe hire help when the time comes?

A loving letter to your sister hoping she feels better soon, and then some distance may be worth a try. If she feels you want her to get well and you won't "bother" her with requests to help your mother, she may come around on her own. I say "may" guardedly. It's worth a try.
Don't hold your breath, once a deadbeat always a deadbeat. You just keep on doing what you're doing and do it well. Don't worry about sis if she doesn't WANT to do anything she won't. I've been through this and it will do nothing but make you sick if you keep worrying about it.

Maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't. Just don't you worry about it.

Make sure to take care of yourself though. Maybe there's someone else that can help you perhaps you could employ someone for a day or so in order for you to have some releif.

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