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My husband and I just decided last night that my grandma can no longer live with us. She is not fit to live with family. She has become extremely defiant- intentionally smearing her food on the walls to make me mad, threatening to tell people that we mistreat her, telling my kids they are going to be sorry, telling my uncle (her mentally retarded son) that he is going to die, saying that she's glad my mom (her daughter) died, sticking her filthy fingers in cookies my kids just baked to piss everyone off, and the list goes on. I cared for her in the best way I could and I did what I felt would have made my mom happy. Now I feel confident that my mother wouldn't want me and my family to endure this. Grandma is one twisted, self-absorbed, heartless woman. I'm done. My kids are so happy that she's leaving. We are all so happy and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I removed my uncles meds from her room because I wouldn't put it past her to overdose her son. I told my kids last night to lock their door when they went to sleep because I can't predict what Grandma is capable of. I can't wait to see this horrible woman leave my house!

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I am really sorry things were so difficult for you and it sounds best that she leaves your home, however, since you stated your grandmother has dementia I really hope you continue to love and care for her (out of your home). This is not her fault and can happen to anyone. Teaching your children about love, compassion, understanding dementia and other disabilities is a great thing. You could have dementia one day and although you would not want your kids to endure daily stress taking care of you, you would not want them to cut you out of your life for things you can't control. If not for her sake, for your children's....love your grandmother. She has done nothing purposely or viscously wrong. Dementia is a horrible horrible disease.
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Aisha, that is absolutely wonderful, and I am hoping it keeps going in a positive direction.
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Thank you everyone! I just got back from visiting her and she looks fabulous! Wow, she never looked so good in my care. She is in the right place and it shows. No doubt in my mind whatsoever that this was the right decision for everyone involved. She even has a new friend there!
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Wonderful news, so happy it's working out well for you and your family. Is your uncle doing OK with his mom now living somewhere else?
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Great news! So glad it is working out and you and your family can be happy.
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Aaawww, shucks! That is such great news! Grandma hasn't changed her mind. Both her and the staff are getting along nicely.
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Long may it last! Very good news, Aishamama.
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So good to hear Grandma is doing good. What a relief for you!
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Grandma is doing as well as she can be at the new place. The staff are very nice to her and so far nobody is complaining that Grandma isn't a good fit for their home. Yay!
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way to go. peace peace, blessed peace..
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Woohoo!! She'll be well cared for..
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So, how was it? Did they say?
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My dad and husband drove Grandma away! Woohooo! This is one of the happiest days of my life!
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Blessings to you Aisha, praying it goes well and keep us posted in the long run as well. Hugs!!
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WOW, Aisha, that is wonderful. Hope all goes well tomorrow.
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Grandma had her assessment today and it went extremely well! I am so happy that it went way better than I expected it to. The couple that runs the boards and care came to my house to sit and talk with my grandma. They were both so sweet and seemed very caring. Grandma had made herself look very pleasant and presentable, it was so cute! She acted very good during the meeting and well mannered. I almost forgot how awful she can be. This move seems like a very positive step for everyone involved. Grandma was very honest with the couple about her bipolar disorder and that she was nervous she would act up. They assured her that they have a lot of experience with this and that they will be there to help her through her difficult days. She will be moving tomorrow afternoon. As soon as the couple left I started doing Grandma's laundry and packing her suitcase.
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Hatedme, what keeps you from walking away from your mother? I used to tell my sister to set boundaries, not go to Mother's every day, not to answer the phone 10 times in 12 hours, etc. Sis kept on beating herself up, until it killed her. (Mom is fine, though.) Why do you do it?
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Omg!!!! I've been going through this type of hell ever since my father passsed away in 1980. I had barely turned 15 and ever since I've been taking care of my mother by paying the bills making sure she does her taxrs, pays her property taxes taking blame for her not being able to keep a man being blamed for my father's death wich was caused by cancer and the loss of one of his kidneys. Like really how stupid do you (my mother) think I am? She's 75 years old now and like the rest of these parents she continues to run around like a crazy person telling everyone how evil and abusive me and my children are. She almost lost her property last year due to renting to tenants that broke every city ordinance and we (my children and I) had to fight HER to get them out. To top things off she's telling everyone that I'm ripping her off. ????? I hate her and wish I could just disappear but my children still need me especially my grandchildren that I love so much. WHEN WILL THIS END???? :""""(
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Aisha, it is god to hear that at least she seems to listen to you and has an understanding of what is occurring and why.
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So my husband broke the news to Grandma this evening about her assessment tomorrow. We thought it's better for her to know beforehand and not be caught off guard. When she asked me what will happen if she refuses to go I told her she will then be turned over to the state and they will then send her to a facility that will most likely be awful. That is her biggest fear. I told her if she can behave then she can go to a good place that I researched for her. She seemed to understand this and then she asked questions about what the place is like. Understandably she is upset. She's been very emotional and crying all night and my uncle has been in her room with her for hours consoling her and trying to comfort her. She doesn't want to leave him but I assured her that he will be visiting her. I tried to make the move sound as positive as possible. I told her that she will be getting better care and help than what I am able to provide and I assured her that she will have everything she needs. I'm relieved that she knows someone is coming to meet her tomorrow and I think she'll do well. I encouraged her to ask the lady any questions she might have and to voice any concerns. I think she's going to do ok. My dad is going to take Thursday and Friday off work so he can be available to help transport her whenever they say she can come. So far so good :)
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I will update after the meeting. :)
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Aisha-
Good luck tomorrow. We will all be interested in hearing how it goes.
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Well done, Aisha, best to have the cards on the table. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you x
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I meant to say hallucinations instead of psychosis again :)
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I just spoke with the the lady who will be do the assessment tomorrow. I told her my grandma is bipolar with psychosis, delusional thinking, and psychosis. She said they do have some patients like that and have experience with very difficult people and she feels it's worth a try taking her to the home. I told her that Grandma responds better to men and needs someone to be very firm with her. She said they have male staff and they can appoint them to her if that's better. She still wants to do the assessment tomorrow and she said that if she refuses to get in the car and go, I can call 911 as soon as she makes a scene and have her transported to the ER then to the home from there. I'm really looking forward to the assessment!
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Another reason we want her in a residential area close to home is so I can take my Uncle to visit her often. He does want to see her and she'll want to see him.
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Veronica91- I appreciate your input and concern. I totally understand where you're coming from. We have been seeing a flair-up of the positive symptoms of this past week, but the vast majority of the time we're only seeing the negative symptoms (poor hygiene, withdrawal, anti-social). She spends most of her time in bed and wants to be left alone. We're going to capitalize on plan A for not and that will at least by us some time to find an alternative. After the assessment she will know that she is leaving and then we'll have a very clear picture of how she's going to do. When she moves my dad is going to come here to help my husband and brother. I'm going to stay inside and let the three guys deal with her.

I took it upon myself to do the research for my dad. He is working very long hours almost 7 days a week and just lost his own mother on Sunday (the only sweet grandmother I had). I'm going easy on him and I feel I have a better sense about how this stuff works than he does.
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OK, since she has always been this way, I wholeheartedly agree with Veronica91. Sounds much more like a psych problem and a "home" will not put their other residents in danger by having her there (as I'm sure you wouldn't want them to since you know how she is). If you can't get her to go to the ER voluntarily, you may have to have paramedics come and get her, but if they do, they may need to restrain her to get her to go, so be prepared for that. Normally they wouldn't take someone that refuses to go, but sometimes when it's because of a mental condition, they will. Hopefully you can find some kind of a medical reason, though, so she will go by her own free will. If she does have some funds, then they should be used for whatever care she needs and then when they are used up, she would qualify for Medicaid. After all, when most of us save for 'old age', the money was meant to help take care of us when we are old and need it, and she definitely needs it, so in this case, it would be money well spent. You are sure in a predicament, but I hope you're able to do something very soon for your family's sake. Prayers are with you.
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Aisha. your grandmother has schizophrenia which is a very severe and dangerous psychiatric illness and should not be passed off under the guise of dementia. Such patients can be a danger to themselves and others and many even with the best of treatment are not safe to live in the general community. My understanding of a group home is that residents have a great deal of autonomy and are able to come and go under supervision. This may be fine when a psychiatric patient has their illness well controled, which is clearly not the case with gm. She may be half blind, unsteady on her feet and have a poor aim but she could still burn the place down if some one looks at her the wrong way. I don't know how you do this but apart from removing her from your home she needs to go immediately to a secure facility. You are trying to make this move as hassle free as possible for your family and Gm which is very compassionate of you. But don't you think Gm is going to suspect something is up when they come to do the assessment? Your Dr has not been doing you any favors pussy footing around this. I think you said your Dad has POA so it really is his responsibility. I can't tell you what to do but you have to take charge and one way would be for your dad to take her to the nearest ER (at a hospital with a psychiatric dept if there is one) and once she is through the door refuse to take her home. There is no turning back. I realize this is harsh and others may strongly disagree but you would not be discussing it here if you did not have doubts. Your responsibility is to keep your family safe. It is your Dad.s responsibility to deal with Gm's next accomodation
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Mcskeech- She's getting Social Security but is not eligible for anything else because she does have some funds. She has always been this way. She made everyone miserable. Her husband died at 58 from liver cancer. He used to hide from Grandma and drink. My mom died at 57 from ovarian cancer after caring for her mom and not going to the doctor herself. My mom was extremely depressed and anxious with her mom here. My grandma used to make everyone feel like they're beneath her, was very controlling, and says the most hurtful things. The tables have turned and now she won't be able to control anyone anymore.
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