I'm signing off as caregiver to my grandma.

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My husband and I just decided last night that my grandma can no longer live with us. She is not fit to live with family. She has become extremely defiant- intentionally smearing her food on the walls to make me mad, threatening to tell people that we mistreat her, telling my kids they are going to be sorry, telling my uncle (her mentally retarded son) that he is going to die, saying that she's glad my mom (her daughter) died, sticking her filthy fingers in cookies my kids just baked to piss everyone off, and the list goes on. I cared for her in the best way I could and I did what I felt would have made my mom happy. Now I feel confident that my mother wouldn't want me and my family to endure this. Grandma is one twisted, self-absorbed, heartless woman. I'm done. My kids are so happy that she's leaving. We are all so happy and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I removed my uncles meds from her room because I wouldn't put it past her to overdose her son. I told my kids last night to lock their door when they went to sleep because I can't predict what Grandma is capable of. I can't wait to see this horrible woman leave my house!


Good for you! Hard but needed decision!

What are the logistics of this change? Where will Grandma go? Do you have help with this transition, from a social worker for example?
My husband spent the day calling different residential board and care homes. We are hoping to get her out as soon as we can next week. My dad is going to supplement what she gets from SSI to cover her living expenses. We are just trying to find the cheapest board and care we can find, not the best.
Aisha, HALLELUJAH!! That's what I'm talkin' about. Smartest decision ever. Would that more people dealing with these types would do the same and grab their precious lives back. Life's too damn short to deal with nasty customers like that and I don't care if they are family. DNA be damned. Who needs it? Big congrats on one hell of an awesome decision! I wish you and your family all the joy and peace you deserve! :D
I'm so glad that you and your husband made this decision. It's terrible when they get to that stage. And that it might escalate to violence. Best to do what is needed to get her out and into another place that can better handle her 24/7. She's not going to improve but continue to get worse and will eventually be needing 24/7 care. I'm also so glad that your father is stepping up to help with the cost. Most relatives tend to look the other way and think the caregivers are "exaggerating" the situation. You all take care.
Jeannegibbs and StandingAlone- thank you both so much for your support. It feels good to have made a decision and to feel so certain that what I am doing is the right thing. I felt a lot of guilt before because she is my grandmother and she has dementia, but my husband told me to never make decisions based on guilt and my best friend told me that Grandma lived her life and now I need to live mine. I feel a lot of support from my family, friends, and this community. That really helped me to go through with this.

I just want everyone here to know that YOU are worth caring for. Don't let the people you are caring for take your vitality and happiness away. Don't endure abuse just because it's family. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.
Thank you bookluvr! I feel so blessed that my family understands and supports me. They know this is very hard on my family. They know my grandma is awful and it didn't just start with her dementia. She has always been this way but it's getting so much worse. As you mentioned, this will only progress to get worse and possibly violence. I'm not taking that chance.
Aishamama~I am so happy for you to be able to make this decision with family support. My mother has always been very difficult too, that is why we placed her in a memory care unit. She is only combative and difficult with family. You deserve to have your life with your family and visit grandma, advocate for her while you have a life of your own. Blessings to you!!
Sharynmarie- Is it awful that I feel like I never want to visit her again after she moves? The kids don't care to see her, nobody besides her son will want to see her again.
First get your grandmother re-homed in a place where she can't wreck your and your family's life any more, and where she can get the care she needs. Best for everyone. Then, later, once the dust has settled, see how you feel about her and whether you can forgive the havoc. Just… don't forget that she's a victim, too. Hard to remember when she's right in your face, I know. Hope you find a good place for her very soon. Big hug.
Thanks Countrymouse. I don't feel I'm going to get past the fact that my grandma is glad that my mom died. I have a hard time giving her the victim excuse because of how many people she victimized. We'll see how things are when the dust settles. Hoping to have her moved to a home this week. I feel a mixture of elation and anxiety. I'm so excited that she will be leaving but am getting heart palpitations and am really on edge with her in my house for now. Every time I hear her walk around I follow her out to see what she is going to do. I can't wait for this to be over.

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