Sigh--- sick.


I am fairly new to the forum- but I appreciate you all so for all the encouragement you give each and every day.
I am an only child, dad with MS, mom with PSP. Dad can barely walk, mom is in a wheel chair. They live 2 hours away and for over 3 years, I have been going almost every weekend to help care for them. I did round trip dr appointments ( go 2 hrs up, get one, bring 2 hrs down to appt, take 2 hrs back to their home, drive 2 hr crack to my home) many times. They refuse to move closer, and even after hearing that from many providers, etc. they have a few good neighbors, and I am so thankful for them- but I am afraid they are wearing them out. :( it makes me feel horrible. I finally got dad to concede to doing a social services assessment to help them get some aid.
I thought it went well, and we are waiting and doing more paperwork. The social workers were very kind- feel definite that mom is eligible. Dad fibbed some , then they watched him walk, and he almost fell in front of them. They saw things for what they are.
I pray they can get some help.
I work a full time job with overtime, raising a son.... I love them and want to do all I can. I am running ragged.
I know I do not have the right to share when so many of you do it every day 24/7- but the stress of it all is weakening my health. Migraines, had a stomach virus last week, and today went to the dr with a kidney infection.
I will feel like a horrible daughter if I do not go up this weekend to do the shopping and other needs. Sorry to complain.... I just needed to vent....😔

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing


I agree with FF! Your parents are making your life very difficult because of their decisions. If they both have normal cognitive skills, then they have made their decisions and you should let them feel the consequences of those decisions. If you quit helping them so much, they might decide to move nearer you.

Your first priority should be your son and your own health and happiness. So start setting some limits around what you can reasonably do for your folks. Do they understand how tired and drained you are? If you haven't told them, you need to. If you've told them and they're ignoring the effect they're having on you, then you need to step back and let them deal with their own problems for a while. You do NOT have to put your son and yourself behind your folks in terms of priority. You are first! Hugs...and keep us posted.

You need to take care of yourself, especially with a kidney infection -- they can be deadly. Just want to encourage you strongly on that one in particular.

Shoregal, I know what you mean, my parents can exhaust me and here they live 3 minutes away from me. How you do 4 hours round trip is amazing, driving one way would zone me out, I would fall asleep at the wheel. I am also an only child so I can't pass the baton onto anyone else, plus no children, and it sounds like your son is too young to help out since you are still raising him. Does he come with you on the weekends?

Your parents have a choice to move closer but they refuse.... my parents have a choice and the means to move into a retirement community but they refuse. My therapist said to me that my parents need to take ownership of their choice.

One thing I did was set my parents up with new doctor that are much closer to their home. And they now use the same doctors, thus I try to get back-to-back appointments. One afternoon off... one waiting room :)

I now order their groceries with an on-line grocery service that will do home delivery. Wow, what a god-send that was. But I am still hearing from Mom that some items "taste funny" even though its the same identical things I would buy if I went into the grocery store :P

I had been enabling my parents these past 6 years, thus my parents thought everything was ok, that there wasn't any problem with them living where they were... of course not, because I was there to help out. It wasn't easy to cut back, but I had to, it was taking a major toll on my health.

Shoregal, of course you have the right to share. You are an only child with two needy parents - that's a heavy load for anyone, especially someone with a job and a child. You're on the right track seeking services for your parents because you can't do it alone, not indefinitely. Even doing only one trip a week, it takes a toll on you never being able to stay home and relax, never being able to make any other plans for the weekend, having to get up and make that long tedious drive even if you're coming down with a cold, or haven't slept well because your child was sick, etc. I make a 3 hour round trip drive each weekend (and sometimes during the week if Mom has an excess of medical appointments) and it gets very wearing. And I have only one parent, and have a sister who takes some of the shopping trips and some of the doctors appointments. Feel free to complain, vent, whatever. You're more than welcome here.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.