I am sick of my mom putting the guilt trip on me.

Susan, I just read through your post on your profile page and now I understand your situation better. My first thought is.....Would it be possible for you to visit your mother every other day, rather than every day? I think that would go a long way toward giving you some much needed space to kind of "recover" and refresh yourself. You could call her on the telephone on the off days. In my opinion, that should be enough, but this is my opinion. I know there are a variety of opinions on this. I feel you should take optimal care of yourself ( and this is not a selfish thing to do) in order to have the energy and emotional health to properly care for your mother.

I also had another thought for you....You might be helped by some medication of some kind to improve your energy level and mental health. I take anti-depressant medication and it is a huge help to me. You could talk to your doctor and discuss this. You mention therapy and that's good too. But I guess the biggest thing I feel when I read your post is that you are a good, good-hearted person, and you deserve to be treated well, and to treat yourself well. Please don't feel guilty about carving out time to refresh your own spirit. If I offered to visit my father every day, I'm sure he wouldn't argue against it, but I feel it is better for him and for me if I don't. You are a sweet gal.....take care of Susan. (-:

SUSAN:

I've said it before in this forum and I'll say it again: we shouldn't bring children to the world and then charge them for it! When they are small, sometimes we can't wait for them to grow up and be gone; when they do, we send them on guilt trips for having left the nest. When they come back because we need them, we don't admit we've been flipping the script on them with all that "you owe me this," "if it hand't been for me ...," blah, blah, blah. Then we want them to pay rent, help with the expenses, cater to our every whim, and take them to Judge Judy when they don't want to be caregiving slaves anymore.

To all those saintly parents and martyrs still putting their children through a rollercoaster of emotions with the constant guilt trips I have only one thing to say: grow up, and GET OF THE F____G CROSS!!! ... SOMEONE ELSE NEEDS THE WOOD.

How's my andropause coming along?

-- ED

Susan, I think with your support of your husband you will be just fine. I guess we (you and I and many others) have to take care of our parents and we will continue to do so. Just remember to take care of Susan in all of this I too have a great husband and I do not know what I would do without him. I also gather all the advice I can get from you all and use it that keeps a lot of us going and not giving up you have a great day also and do something fun this weekend. Nita

Thanks Nita, I dont take anymore help from her NOW, even though she tries to push it on me! My husband stopped that a long time ago, but she certainly has gone over the call of duty, and u are right, the least I can do is be there for her, we do have alot of laughs, and I know she appreciates me, even though sometimes has a weird way of showing it! When I was younger I felt that helping me financially was the least she could do, now I wish I had never exepted a thing, as it puts things in a bad position.....But even if she hadnt done that, I would still be there for her as I am all she has, she looks so forward to seeing me daily, and bringing her my home cooked meals!!! she called about 14 times yesterday to thank me for dinner last night, and to let me know how good it was!!! So today I will be spending another day cooking a good meal for my family and of course mom, who appreciates it I think more than my husband, who has come to be used to it, and always appreiciates it, even if I didnt do it, he never tries to force me to do a thing I dont feel like doing!!! THank god I have him! He is my rock, and mom isnt always a mean, nasty person, she does have a bit of a sense of humor at times, and is starting to respect me, as I will not have it any other way!!!! Its either she respect me, and not treat ME mean, or I take away some of her visit time, she hates that!!! we have nail parties, painting parties, every kind of party exept pity parties!!! lol, thanks for your advice, appreciate all the advice I get as everyone has something I can put in my pocket for future reference!!! Have a lovely day, thanks again

I am sorry your mom does that to you with the guilt trip. You know you have always had the choice not to take her help. Now at this time in her life you have the chance to pay her back by being there for her. That in its self will help your self-esteem. I know how hard it is with our parents when they start getting mean. It does not happen witha all the elderly but it does with many. I think as some of us age our brain cells start to die and they have no choice as to how they act. Not something they have control over. If your relationship with her has always been strained it will be hard but with the help of her doctor and your family you can make it. Just remember the humor in it all and that will help. Just do not take the abuse and hatefull things to heart that she says to you even if she has always been that way. Keep up with the therapy and remember to take care of you too. Good Luck. Nita