Sick of living in my narcissist Mom's misery every day.

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I really just need to vent. My mom had to move in with me ( and my husband and children 1300 miles from her home state ) after my dad died last year, mostly because of money.
( because NO ONE ELSE stepped up to help I have 4 more sisters ) My parents were alcoholics and VERY neglectful and abusive. I moved out at 16 and built myself a wonderful life. I didn't realize until last year that there was a word for her personality. Narcissist. I blamed my dead dad for EVERYTHING until he passed and THEN my eyes were opened. I lost a brother 30 years ago also. My mom is such a miserable negative person its making me physically ILL to be surrounded by her DRAMA and misery EVERY DANG DAY. I have to relive my brothers death almost every day because of her. Between her drs visits ( shes went full blown hypochondriac since shes moved here ) and the death of my dad and brother that's ALL she talks about. Nobody talks to her on the phone because of it but Im STUCK with it everyday. Her GOOD memories are my childhood NIGHTMARES and she makes me relive them almost daily as shes walking down memory lane. when she moved here it was agreed that she would spend time at all my sisters houses so I can have a break. Well that's not going to happen she so miserable NOBODY can be around her and shes MEAN and says NASTY things out loud to all her daughters and comes up with excuses not to go visit anybody. Shes on a waiting list for a place in her home state ( where she has 2 daughters and multiple grandkids ). One of my sisters told me last year that mom is my responsibility now ( HUH ?? ) that was the day I marched upstairs to tell my mom this wasnt working out and she needs to move back to her home state where she has more relatives and old friends . I had been wanting to say that to my mom after her living with us for just 1 month but didnt have the guts UNTILL that 1 sister told me she was MY responsibility now .I pray to god EVERY DAY to make this happen sooner than later( her getting her own place ). I am being drowned by her misery. I did not deserve this. Im not sure what our relationship is going to be like when she leaves to be honest if I never had to see her again I could live with that.....guilt free....I tried and I am TIRED and I just want my life back..........DONT MOVE YOUR ELDERLY NARCISSIST MOTHER IN WITH YOU.


How long is the wait list? Have you seen the facility or the paperwork reserving her spot? You are right, she needs to move and the sooner the better.
The wait list is 6 months ( its only been a month since they received application and put her on list ). Its for a senior apartment. My mom is both physically and mentally able to take care of herself. Shes just not financially well off, only social sec. Me and my husband had to pay for my dads funeral ALONE. But that's not my fault and she's lived on a lot less than she gets now so she'll be alright. I am pretty sure I would be diagnosed with PTSD right now but I don't have the funds for counseling. Some days I think shes just going to give me a heart attack. So that's when I found this website and read similar stories and bought myself some really good books and I am dealing with it the best I can. I just have nobody to vent too. Friends are gone. Sisters don't give a crap as long as they don't have to deal with her. My poor husband is so understanding and I can only complain so much to him because he is living it with me. Just have had a rough week with her and I am soooooooooo ready for this nightmare to be over. I just cant heal from my grief for my father because I am PISSED that he died and left ME in this mess. Just reading here most times helps me. It helps beyond belief to know there are more people out there like me.
Con, hugs and sympathies to you. If your mom can take care of herself, are you able to work? Go to the library after work? Volunteer someplace? Anything to stay away from her. Headphones work for at home. My thoughts are with you!
Do you have a seniors' center nearby where she could go for activities during the week? Most provide transportation and fees are nominal and include a meal. If she is able to stay alone for a few hours, get away for a couple of hours a day; go for a walk, visit friends, take up a hobby or volunteer. You have got to take care of yourself first.

I would seriously contact other relatives about sharing her care until she gets into the apartment. Good luck!
I'm so glad to hear that you've made a decision and Mom has to move. I don't want to wish for bad things for the residents of the apartment building, but maybe we can hope one of them wins a lottery and moves out, so your Mom's name moves up faster!

You say you can't afford therapy, but there are sources that use sliding scales, are subsidized, etc. Please look into that -- you deserve all the help you can get.
Thank you for sharing your hardships about your mom. You completely took the words out of my mouth about my father. I have so much sympathy for you as I live all of these emotions about my father. He is also a miserable person. He's been negative, blameful towards others, and miserable for as long as I could remember, and now it's getting worse because of his age, and the fact that he can't do everything by himeslf now. He's 86 years old. 4 years ago, my husband an I moved him in with us 3000 miles away because no one cared about him in his home town. But he was so difficult to live with, and picked physical fights with my husband to a point where we had to move separately from each other. I got my life with my husband back which I am grateful for, but having to care for my father separately, paying out of pocket for a caregiver (who also has an extremely hard time with my father) has been just as stressful. I am so angry that my father is making things so difficult with his misery. I'm also completely resentful that I'm stuck taking care of him. I seriously don't want this responsibility. My mother died 15 years ago and I remember being really angry with her for dying and leaving me with my miserable father. I have no solutions about how to cope, but just reading your share really helped me to see that I'm not alone. Also, I am an only child, and used get really angry that my parents didn't give me any siblings because now I am stuck alone with the responsibility of my father. But I am seeing from your share that siblings don't always share responsibility.

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