So sick of healthcare providers not providing healthcare.

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My mom has been in nursing home since December. She was having signs of altered mental status, so I called and asked them to check for UTI. A week and a half later, still nothing. Finally they checked after major outburst and she had a UTI. They treated her, but didn't check to see if it was resolved. At the same time, they also changed her medication from Wellbutrin to Abilify. Thursday she said she thought she had bladder infection as she was urinating a lot. I called and head nurse said they would check it. On Saturday, my mom has all her stuff packed and says she is leaving because they arrested a woman after she accidentally killed a baby they left in her room in the middle of the night. She is afraid she will be arrested next and they are watching her with cameras (they aren't). They still didn't check to see if infection, so I called the doctor myself and they finally checked that night. I also told the nurse on duty what she was saying and that it may be the Abilify. He has them schedule psych consult on Monday. Sunday my mom has fever, conjestion and sore throat. Lab still not back on urine, but get a phone call today from head nurse who says psych changed her meds. He tells me they are taking away Lexapro, increasing Wellbutrin to 300mg and adding Abilify. I said, she is already on Abilify and they stopped the Wellbutrin over a week and a half ago. He has to check chart and says, oh yeah, you're right. I then tell him about mom's cold and he says he saw her this morning and she was fine. He also apologizes for me having to call doctor and discuss these issues. Says nursing should do it. Well, I called my mom and she is not fine. Still congested, with sore throat and probably a fever. All which are listed as possible side effects of Abilify. So I called the pysch myself and left message. Called administrator and told her to call me back. Called head nurse back and said, you told me mom was fine, she clearly isn't, I just spoke to her. I am just so sick of having to manage this crap. It seems like nobody talks to each other at this place. My cousin works there and says it is one of the better places in the area, but I cannot imagine it being much worse somewhere else. I shouldn't have to be daughter, nurse, doctor, psychiatrist and case manager all rolled into one. Someone in healthcare should do their job.


Wow. Just wow.
Holy moly... administrator just called back and asked if I want her off the Abilify. I said, I am not a doctor... I just want a doctor and a psychiatrist to work together to figure out what the problem is. If she has an infection or if it is a side effect of medication. ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I do not get paid to do this!
Dear Staarr,

I hear you, my friend. It is extremely frustrating and exhausting managing the care of an elderly parent. All the follow ups never seem to end. I know its hard and you are doing the best you can.

I felt this way too with my dad. He was just a number. There are so many patients to push through the system that eventually things just get missed. I'm sure people have good intentions, but the horror stories you hear are never ending. And I personally felt dismissed and ignored as well. These feelings are just part of a vicious circle when it comes to caring for an elderly parent.

I wish I had this site to come to for help and support before my dad passed. All I can say is, please don't give up on your mom. Continue to do the best you can for her. I don't know if you can talk to a care manager about all your concerns. Or maybe a social worker. In these heated moments, I wish I could have stepped back and given myself some respite. Take care my friend. We will be here for you. Hugs.
Dear Staarr; I've had this experience as well and I know how frustrating it is!!!!

Does your mom tell them that she's fine when they ask her? And then compains to you? That happens to me all the time; mom will be weeping on the phone with me, I call the DON and she goes into mom's room and asks how she is. And my mom tells them nothing is wrong (GRRRRRRR).

Does she "actually" have a fever, or is she feeling as though she has one?

Let us know how you get this resolved; the last time they changed mom's psych meds without telling me they were going to do it, I called the Ombudsman. It seems to have shaken the tree a bit and they are informing me of everything.

Won't last......
Sometimes it is the way they ask the questions too. I was sitting with mom and a nurse came over to discuss whether mom has pain and at what level. She asks mom "E___, do you have any pain?" Mom says no. So I ask mom, "do your knees hurt?" Yes. "Does your hip hurt?" Yes. And so on. You would think they would know better, wouldn't you?
Oh, I know, CWillie! It's SO frustrating. My mother "doesn't want to be a bother". When she was in Independent Living and called my brother about ants in her kitchen, he told her to call the staff about it.

She said "oh, I don't want to be a bother; then they won't help me when it's something big".

My brother's response? "For $5,000 a month, they better help you with every d@mn thing". !!!!!!!!
Staarr; one more thing--about the admin calling you back about "wanting mom off Abilify".

I find that often, my messages get mis-interpreted, especially when the admin or SW goes and talks to other staff members I've spoken to. The message goes from "I'm upset because my mother's mental state has changed since XYZ" to (their interpretation) which is "she wants us to make ABC change".

Do you have a care meeting in the near future? I find those to be good times to outline the communication difficulties I'm having
I've never had a good experience when mom has been in rehab under the care of a facility Doctor, but at the very least I would think they would need your consent for any change in meds if you're her responsible party

It's very time consuming and frustrating to play telephone with the nurse who will reach out to the doctor and then maybe another nurse gets the order and no one calls you

As barb suggests, maybe it's time for a care meeting so everyone is on the same page about how communication on meds etc should be handled

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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