I am sick and can't care for my mother and there's no one else to help.

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I've been caring for mom for 13yrs I am sick now. I can't even tend my own house anymore. Iam the only one here. My bro & sis live far away.we have no other family. My mom has dementia, diabetes, gloucoma,a hernia, and she doesn't ever listen to me.to her I am a bad daughter & god is going to punish me for that. She is hard to deal with I have been awful depressed with some suicide taughts. My mom lives alone but she wants me to do everything from paying bills to buying her groceries taking her to her appointments. She can't do anything for her self. I still love her but she has put me through a lot. She always blames me for everything. And I can't deal with her anymore and I cry because if anything happens to her it be my fault. She runs all her friends away cus of her attitude. Lots of people hate her.I don't know what to do.


You have cared for your mother with dementia for 13 years? Amazing! What an awesome daughter you are. I hope that your have not taken your mother's repeated statements to the contrary seriously. You are a fine person and you are not about to face punishment from god.

Something is going to happen to your mother. No one knows exactly when, but she is going to die. AND IT WON"T BE YOUR FAULT. She is mortal like everyone else, and she has serious health problems. This is not your fault! She may want to make you believe it is, for who know what demented reasons, but you really don't have control over what happens to her.

You need to look after your own mental, emotional, and physical health now. That is your current job. Mom needs someone to do things for her, and at the moment it can't be you. So call Social Services in your county, explain that you have been taking care of your mother and that you are now sick and can't continue doing it. You love her and you can't abandon her and you need help determining what kind of services are available to her. Make that call Monday morning. It is an important service and kindness you can extend to your mother. You have been caring for her for a long time. This is just another caregiving step that may be hard but that you can do for her sake.

You say lots of people hate her. You don't hate her, although at times you probably hate what is going on in your relationship and you hate how she makes you feel. You have shown great love in continuing to care for her. Starting the process going to get other help for her now that you can't do it is another great act of love. Your mother may not see it that way, but, remember she has dementia.

When (not if) something happens to your mother, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Cry, certainly, when something sad happens, because it is sad -- not because you are guilty. Your mother has dementia and perhaps some additional personality issues. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

You have done your heroic best to deal with the situation for a long time. Now it is time to turn it over to professionals, while you get a grip on your own health.

Please keep us informed of how things go. We know that you are a good daughter and a good person, and we care about your health.

Good luck!
There is a thread on this site The Caregiver and dysfunctional families. It sounds like you would benefit from it. Many times we are caretaking for an elderly parent who is dysfunctional and has always been because of personality disorders. This complicates things when they get Alzheimers'/dementia. You have a lot of choices available: 1) home health care 2) depending on how advanced the dementia is, assisted living 3) full time nursing care facility 4) adult day care. None of these options mean you have let you mother down. What it means is that you are only human and can only do so much. None of us can be "All" to to our loved one we are caring for. Take some time and read the posts on the thread I suggested, you may be surprised that your situation is very similar. Take care of yourself, because if you don't, you are no use to your mother.

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