The wake-up call has come. My sisters won't help me care for mom.

Started by

Talked to one of my sisters today about working out a break schedule between she and my other sister for taking care of mom. Discussing each of them taking a weekend each month and coming to stay...they are approx. 1 1/2 hrs. away. My sister said that may not happen, after all they look at it as this is "my job!" I seriously thought they had my back because my brothers are no help. Turns out they really are no different...really hurts.


Yup. That's your wake-up call. As far as taking care of Mom goes, you are an only child. Start working out other ways to get the necessary respite.
Yes, jeannegibbs, that is exactly what I am going to do...time to make that call to the Council on Aging here.
Sending you tons of hugs because I was in that situation for 2 years. Finally, decided to let it go and let Mom just enjoy their little hour or so visits whenever.

Found a lovely lady who came daily for 5 hours giving me time to myself and time to keep up with a few of my regular activities.

Good luck and God bless!
Gotta love this site. This is where you find out you are NOT alone!! My mom lived with me 32 yrs until a few weeks ago when we had to put her in a NH due to the dementia overtaking her. My mom still tells me she can't believe my sis is her daughter! Yep, they don't do anything, expect you to do everything.....then get mad because your mom makes you the POA! Go figure....and, I don't know how it is with anyone else, but she trained her kids to be exactly like her. Last time most of them saw their grandma was at their weddings (where she provided them with an "envelope"). No visits, no calls. They know I take care of her, so why should they be bothered. And their kids are being raised that way. They don't even know my mom (all 10 of them). BUT to those of us who have had to be there to do everything: Hey we may be burned out, but our parents know us and love us. They know our children and our children know and love them. They know our grandchildren and our granchildren know and love who's the looser here? The one who didnt' do anything! My mom's eyes shine when she sees my daughter and my grandchildren, and my heart shines knowing none of of would be here if it weren't for her....and I tell her that all the time!
Of course, I meant None of US would be here if it weren't for her! :-)
Mstone I hear you on this one as I am in the same place myself. I don't know how my brothers can sit back and not do anything as it is all left to me. It has been rough but you get to a point where the relationships with your grown siblings just isn't what it used to be. If feel for you and totally understand where you are coming from. I found in this site that when I read a story such as yours today it really makes you know that you are not alone. Hugs to you.
Mstone...I know how you feel. I am also caring for my 91 year old mom with progressive dementia. I have a twin sister and another sister who both live close and on the weekends do you think they could come and give me a break. Oh no. But I'm always hearing about all the shopping they get to do. I'm sorry...I feel bad for you and me both. But check into the Area on Aging and Disabilities in your area. There has to be something out there that is based on the income of your mom. My mom has a low enough income that they will pay for her depends and poise pads and any other supplies that I need for her. Plus I will get 20 hours of respite a month. Someone to come to our home and sit with mom. Or do light housekeeping, making meal or helping her with hygiene needs. I am so taking them up on it. Bless you.
WOW there are alot of use out there in the same boat!!!! My Dad passed away 7 months ago and I put my house on the market and moved in with my Mom who is confined to a wc (end stage copd and ms). When I decided to do this my 3 sisters who live close by all said they would be here to help whenever...... well one has never helped and one gives me the run around so bad I said I would never ask her for help again... So that leave me working full time and then rushing home to care for Mom full time with the help of one other sister. I feel bad always calling on her, but I can't do this alone. Amazing how they disapear so soon. Sad they are missing out on so much.... Dad dedicated his life to keeping Mom out of a nh and I just couldn't put her in one, she has already lost to much this year. They were just months from their 50 wedding aniversary.
Truly, couldn't get through this without this site...I am so grateful to all of it such a validation just knowing that I am not alone and that dysfuntion comes in all sizes and variations. We will survive and I am so blessed that my children and grandchildren know their grand/greatgrandmother. Thank you, each and every one.
Mstone55: You are so right. This site is worth more than gold and so are our parents. We are the ones that have been blessed, and we are the ones who will have no regrets. Hugs to all of you!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support