My siblings refuse to help our parents when they need care.

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Mother recently experienced GI setbacks. Through many trips to too many DR's over many months of not finding anything-had a procedure to help. That turned into several trips in and out of hospital. Finally discoverd she has issuses with anxiety which could have been going on for years causing problems. I have found myself being the only one caring for her needs. I have 5 siblings-one out of town-one at a distance but still in state-three, minutes away. I am frustrated to learn how they will not help with the everyday for Mom. I have my own family and I must say it has been a learning experience to juggle the needs of so many in such a little bit of time. They respond to a few hospital stays, but after a few days disappeared. Mother loaned her vehicle to one sibling;when the time came to renew tags-sibling would not/"could not" bring me papers. Excuses and guilt are powerful for some, but I see it as purely pathetic! I have decided to seek support in this way. I must say it is strange to do this, but I feel alone. My husband has learned to really just listen and let me rest on his shoulders. One sibling will talk to me about Mother, but sibling is at a distance for travel. Two other siblings are hanging onto the past they have had with Mother and I believe are holding her at a distance out of spite. Again-pathetic. I have had difficulties with my parents too, but I can't justify throwing them under the bus. Our parents weren't perfect, but they did the best they could and I believe we can still care for them and grow up and get a handle on how to deal with our own feelings about the past. One sibling makes snide comments about me-I just ignore her. But I admit it takes effort to not react. My default would be a body slam-it wouldn'thelp things I know. Mentally I can get a way with it. Mother is taking steps to secure and protect herself-I remain neutral is my advice to her. They aren't interested in helping, so I say they should just shut their mouths. Thank you for reading

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I would first like to say.. the main reason I am reading posts such as this, is to support and hopefully assist others with some type of stress relief. It takes a certain type of personality to deal with ageing parents health. It is almost always thankless and unappreciated by others in the family. The most important thing you need to remember is "YOU". I am trying to make this simple, but that sounds harsh, what I mean is if you are not well and emotionally in control of your situation it will overwhelm you. From what you wrote you seem to have what it takes. You ARE focused on your parents which is the goal. Your heart is in the right place that is the strength in all of it. Your husband is probally doing more than most just by having and open ear
and not creating more stress for you. What you are showing your own children is a learning experience, that they someday may have to deal with by caring for you and your husband. As for your pathetic siblings I would think about thier individual personalities and situations. You can try to eliviate some issues by sharing tasks that they can or find it easy for them to handle. If that is not an option don't waiste your time and energy just stay focused on the issues at hand and eliminate the stress in trying to involve them. As for the car, I would tell that sib that you will report it stolen unless it is returned. Unless they have title your Mom owns the car and if anything happens mom is responsable. It is a ruff road but I would rather be you than them. You may have the struggle now but clear conscious later. Wish you luck!
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