Siblings having house key.

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I live with my parents and am the primary caregiver. I have POA for them. Siblings have recently, without even asking my parents, gotten house keys. They did only have one key, but now they also have made a key for the deadbolt. This is the lock we use when we are at home. When there is someone at home to unlock the door I don't understand why they would need to get in? My mother is not happy that they would also be able to come in and 'snoop around.' She has already caught DIL looking through financial papers. I am worried that they will come in before we have gotten up and scare me - thinking that a burglar has gotten in. My mother wants to change the lock but also worried that they will just stop coming to help with anything. We are getting the feeling that they will help when they can control everything. Already had some boundary problems. Caught in the middle - help!

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I'm sure it must be stressful but as long as they are competent and don't want to change, it's a moot point. Even if they were found incompetent, they would have to prove some great negligence or misconduct by you. You mentioned before that your mom doesn't like drama, this is definitely drama so I would mention that. Also, it sounds like your mom has a habit of giving mixed messages and getting you in a bad guy position. For example, if she says she doesn't want them in the house but leaves it to you to enforce and plays dumb when they ask her, they can interpret it as you're interfering with things of your own volition. If/when someone comes to interview them, they are going to have to say what they mean, otherwise this issue is not going to end. So many people don't like to cause trouble by speaking up and don't realize they are making it much worse. Good luck
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After thinking about this a little more, I wanted to add two things. First - your brother can not go to court to have you legally removed as POA. This is a "power" that was given to you by your parents and your parents are the only people who can take it away and appoint anyone else. The exception would be to prove that your parents are incompetent and rather than having POA, your brother would have to file for guardianship - which is a long, expensive process, especially if your parents fight being deemed incompetent. So you need to really find out where your parents stand on this - without them playing both ends against the middle. The second thing - my brother at one point had the brilliant idea that he would assume POA, take care of all the finances - and I would continue to do all the grunt work - dr appointments, filling medication boxes, shop for depends/baby wipes etc and visit twice a week. HA HA! Ya, right. I told him it was an all or nothing deal for me. I would suggest you let both your brother and your parents know it is the same for you. If your parents realize they may loose you as their caregiver, they might just take a stand and stop vacillating. My attitude was - shop for the depends and then have to ask my brother for the money to pay for them? I think not.
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I have been calling on him to do more things and I think that's the problem - they have a certain lifestyle and it is putting a crimp in that lifestyle ( yet they had no problem with me constantly being busy) Honestly, if someone can not give their parent only one or two hours of their time....
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Well, bummer! In my first reply I mentioned a red flag of concern - I guess this is it. Try to keep in mind that if you've done nothing wrong and your parents are supportive of you remaining POA and their caregiver, you likely have little to worry about. Personally, I'm an obsessive worrier so I understand how this is easy to get you spun up - but try not to let it. Still - if it were me, I think I would try to jot down a few notes documenting this whole key thing. I doubt a judge would look kindly on your brother sneaking keys and lurking around the house without permission. I have to say it would almost serve them right if you said "fine", gave them what they think they want - pack your bags and leave. So many siblings huff and puff but when it comes right down to it, they don't have a clue as to all that you do, how hard it is to be a caregiver and just what it takes in terms of commitment/loss of personal time and freedom to be the responsible party. My brother went through a short phase saying he was gonna be POA and about a year ago actually was visiting my mom three times a week. But after the winter and spring came - things he wanted to do, vacations he wanted to take etc, soon it was only twice a week visits and last week he didn't visit at all - fresh off two seperate out of state vacations. I haven't had a vacation in almost six years! Needless to say I think my brother has finally gotten the point - that he's just not up to the personal sacrifice it takes to do what I do. Sooo - deep breaths and solider on doing what you do and try not to dwell on this bump in the road until you actually receive legal notification that something is in the works. If your brother has no proof you've acted inappropriately he may even have a hard time finding an attorney willing to represent him.
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I would consult with an Elder Law attorney who is experienced in litigation with this type of case, so that you know the law and what to expect if they do file an action.

It might be stressful, but I would work on making things calm in the home. If your parents are competent, then the siblings will likely lose in court. And even if they are found incompetent, the person who was the appointed POA and already helping the parents would mean a lot and carry some weight.

People can say a lot of things, but what does it really mean? I wouldn't let them make me sick.
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Well it appears that brother and sister in law are planning to take me to court to get the POA away from me - the key that my mom was upset about ( I 'planted' the idea in her brain, he says) and having to get my dad's keys. These people have went off the deep end and seem to want control of my dad (he says, 'no way') I think they just want me totally out of the scene - this is how much hatred.

I asked dad if he wanted them to have guardianship of him, or control his finances, driving, etc. I told him that if he wanted it, I would do it. He said he did not want that at all.

I was told today by caregiver support office that I should call police when they came in belligerent, and get them escorted off the property. They are very active in their church so all the members would likely take their sides. God only knows what cock and bull story they have told people. My parents are very private people - especially my mom - and have felt that sister in law had too much influence over my brother. Hence the concern about the keys.
This has upset me so much that I had to go to the ER.
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Idk what your state Medicaid long term managed care provides but in NY, it does cover rides to the dr so if they get approved, you won't have to worry about that issue. And depending on need, they should be approved for X number of in home aide hours. You can either hire your own person or have an agency send their people.
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A security system would be a good idea. No, my mother would forget the code anyway, so that wouldn't be a problem. I've had the POA for about seven years, but suddenly they are interested.
We put the chain on last night, so there would not be 'burglars' in the house early this morning.
Trying to get them on Medicaid too, so we could get help with bathing, etc. Brother apparently no longer going to help with it since they cannot control the situation. The main help has been with appointments and transport.
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Can you afford a security system? I use frontpoint. That way if you're not home and they come in the cops will come, unless you think you're mom will give them the security code. It sounds like you're in the middle of more situations than this one so are you 100% sure your mom isn't giving mixed messages and puts you in the line of fire? I get the idea that your brother is drama anyway so if he's going to be a pita anyway, might as well change the locks and let the temper tantrums happen. I know that it sucks if they are telling people lies but you have to let that go because you know the truth and you can't worry about the neighbors. How much help do they provide? Is it worth the trouble? Why is he asking about paperwork? Is the poa a new thing?
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Well the two people in my family that I could talk to are relatives and one tells me to not trust siblings one minute, and the other always seems to find some excuse for them and that I am over reacting.
Not much help there....
There seems to be some kind of divide and conquer attitude about my parents. Things seem to happen when only one parent is present.
My mom is more suspicious about intent than my dad is. I guess I am wondering why there is suddenly so much interest in financial matters when I have been holding down the fort for so long?
Now it's like the house suddenly has a revolving door.
I really hate to think that they may have went onto my bedroom when I was not there.
I told my mother about the suggestions and she is all for changing the locks - but I just feel
like we are being blackmailed. 'Either do what I want, or I won't help you anymore.'
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