Siblings having house key.

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I live with my parents and am the primary caregiver. I have POA for them. Siblings have recently, without even asking my parents, gotten house keys. They did only have one key, but now they also have made a key for the deadbolt. This is the lock we use when we are at home. When there is someone at home to unlock the door I don't understand why they would need to get in? My mother is not happy that they would also be able to come in and 'snoop around.' She has already caught DIL looking through financial papers. I am worried that they will come in before we have gotten up and scare me - thinking that a burglar has gotten in. My mother wants to change the lock but also worried that they will just stop coming to help with anything. We are getting the feeling that they will help when they can control everything. Already had some boundary problems. Caught in the middle - help!


If you don't want to change the locks you can install some simple night latches, at least they will ensure nobody walks in on you while you are at home.
Sounds like it is time for a family meeting. Mother needs to express her wishes to the entire family. She needs to ask for the keys back, or to say she is changing the locks, and why. She is entitled to make those kinds of rules for her own home.

You should not be caught in the middle, if Mother is still able to express her wishes.
My gut reaction was "change the locks - today". But jeannegibbs is right, the more mature route would be to call a family meeting. Having keys to the house is wise when you have vulnerable seniors living alone - but since you are there it just doesn't seem necessary at this time and it is in fact, an invasion of both yours and your parents privacy. The fact that they got keys with anyone's knowledge or permission is a red flag for concern. If you can not get them to surrender the keys, get the locks changed. If it were me, I'd take the added step of getting a sturdy locking file cabinet and ensure that sensitive material is always locked up.
Oh, I second the locking file cabinet!!
I agree that it's time for a family meeting and a locked filing cabinet.

Be aware of the fact that "asking for the keys to be returned" doesn't guarantee you anything; they may have made more copies.
I would suspect that mother isn't big on confronting family members and telling them to turn in the keys.....I mean...who would feel comfortable doing that? Many seniors are low key and don't want to rock the boat, set off family feuds or create a scene. I know my mom or dad would never do that. They would likely be a little more devious and just change the locks, without warning anyone. And hide the new keys, so the nosey family members can't make themselves a new copy. And if anyone ever has the nerve to ask, you just say that so many keys got gone, that you had to put new ones in.

If you are the duly appointed POA, they don't need to be nosing around the paperwork.

You may need to have a way for family members to get in in case of an emergency, but there are ways to do that to, that might not include other family members having a key.
Something else just occurred to me; does you mom have dementia?

My mom has dementia, and frankly, before I believe ANYTHING she tells me these days, I look for outside confirmation. So, siblings have keys (do they?) and she's caught SIL snooping (has she?).

These kinds of situations are SO fraught for families. Before you accuse anyone of anything, see if there is a way of ascertaining the facts. Just a caution.

Check out the new numbered door locks with the key pad. They replace the old deadbolt door locks. You can change the 4 digit code every day if you want. Just say that it had become apparent that there were too many keys running around and that you all as the house occupants were uncomfortable with that many keys out. Ditto the locking file cabinet. Better yet, take all the REALLY important papers to a safety deposit box in the bank that only Mom and the POA have access to. Being the POA is hard enough without having to worry if somebody is going to "borrow" important papers. Just my 2 cents.
I like the idea about the numbered door locks that you can program with a code, but, I would reconsider placing the POA's in the bank deposit box, because unless you are listed as an approved person with the bank, they won't let you gain access to the lockbox if mom or dad got sick and you needed to get to them.
I am curious how did the siblings get the house keys without even asking? Somebody had to give one of them the keys in order for duplicates to be made.

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