Resentment towards siblings.

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I guess I'm not alone with this problem. I'm the one with all the responsibility for the well being of my parents. I too feel like an only child. I have a brother and sister-but their backs are turned and here I am. My husband has had to hear my venting - sooo I think I have found the perfect place !!! My Mom has MS and my Dad has some dementia going on. I recently was able to get them into an Assisted Living. (Had to do this alone-very hard on me). I am mad at my brother and sister for leaving this up to me. My sister lives far - but doesn't work. She came recently for a few days and left. She is like in the Bible: Has already recieved her reward. She makes sure to toot her horn always. My brother is worried about what he is going to get, rather than helping out. I don't want anything to do with them - never thought I would feel this way. I have become bitter. What hurts the most - my mom favors my sister over me.

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I'm kind of dealing with the same thing. Two brothers who are concerned about how much money my mother is going to leave them. She barely has enough for her medical expenses and funeral expenses. They all want control over the money and since my dad died 21 years ago I have had my name on her accounts and home. I have not taken one penny from her, my younger brother takes the majority of her social security every month for this drug habit. I like you want nothing more to do with either of my siblings.
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My siblings did stand up and do their unequal but nevertheless vital parts of parent care. I feel so lucky.

As an often lazy sibling myself, I want to remind people to use their words and ASK for the help they need. Some people who would never offer to help would be willing to do a specific job if asked. Of course, you know your own family, but don't expect people to read your mind.
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It could be that when people are raised in dysfunctional families that they don't have good social skills when it comes to family. We never can know what was going on in their minds. It may be that they realized that taking her out to eat would be too difficult, so they didn't ask. If I had had a bit more warning, I would have picked us up some food to share at home. (Of course, they could have done that, too, but it probably didn't occur to them.)
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Jessie - you may not blame your brother and his family, but I blame them on your behalf, as well as your mother's. Sure taking care of a crotchety elder is no fun, but an invitation every now and then on special occasions such as Mother's Day should not put them out so much. They should have invited both of you, and you could have taken your Mom in your car (which it sounds like is doable for her).

I have the same issue. Nobody invites my Mom for Christmas dinner, so the last two years I've cooked for her at her house. It's a pain, but I'd rather do it than feel guilty about my Mom spending the holiday with no company and no dinner. I agree with blue55 - as long as there is one sibling who will do it, the others feel that they can just turn a blind eye. It's very disappointing.
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It didn't surprise me, because they do prefer their own company. It doesn't really bother me. When I think about it, I do think it is odd. But then my family is odd.
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JessieBelle - that is horrible that your brother could not have asked your Mother to go. Sounds familiar. It really is something isn't it how siblings can just turn a blind eye as long as there is one sibling who is there to do it all they don't want their lives interrupted at all. Unbelieveable.
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Yes, I don't even think it occurred to him to ask her if she wanted to go. Their life is really all about them.
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JessieBelle, my aunt (who almost never accepted an invitation if she could possibly help it) still said "it's nice to be *asked*."

It would be nice if your brother could stir his imagination to think that his mother might like to feel included. Especially as it's not like it'd put him to any trouble, seeing as she'd say no anyhow. But she'd feel happier, and he'd get that nice fuzzy feeling. You'd have thought.

Or apparently not, then. Makes you spit, doesn't it.
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My brother came over with his family the day before Mother's Day. They stayed for a couple of hours, then left to go out to dinner together. My brother asked my mother if she and I were going to dinner on Sunday. She said yes, we always did. When they drove off to go have dinner, I wondered why my brother had never taken my mother to dinner. What he did was very rude, but really, my mother can't get into their vehicles, anyway. Their whole life is built around cutting her out of it as much as possible. I don't blame them. This is no fun.
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I am also working on resentment toward family for not keeping in touch with my mom. I realized that I have to let it go and not let it eat at me. I've started having my mom "call" them. I actually make the call. At least this way she gets to stay in touch and not feel so isolated. They're always happy to hear from her, and it makes me feel a little less angry.
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