Siblings are providing round the clock care for Mom.

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My two siblings are retired. I'm still working full-time during the week. One of my siblings refuses to work on weekends which leaves me and my sister to cover weekends. I work every other weekend and 3-4 nights during the week and they want me to add two more shifts. I am burning out as this has been on going for eight months. I have refused to work the extra shifts for self preservation. They state that I now have to pay them for any shifts I will not work out of my own pocket. I suggested paying for an outside care giver to give us all a break and pay for it with the estate money ( which I have POA). They explained that I should pay out of my share because I am the one messing things up with having a job.
To sum it up in a three week period there are 42 shifts( two per day, day and night) I do one less shift than each of them in that three week period. I'm desperate for feed back to know if I am being unreasonable.


I think the whole situation is crazy. If your mother needs round-the-clock care, why is she not in a facility where she can get that care without all three children giving up their lives and driving themselves into exhaustion?

To answer the question you actually asked, you are entitled to draw your boundaries wherever you choose to draw them. Your siblings will just have to deal with that. Your mother's care should be provided with her own money.
Why isn't mom in a nursing home? If she can get in as private pay and convert to Medicaid after 2 years, she will be able to get into a nice facility. It's her money after all.
I agree the situation is crazy. Im assuming that you work full time during the day and are taking the night shift. Day and night shifts are completely different for the fact you are most likely getting sleep at night and not dealing with the daytime drama. Caregiving is a full time job whether people believe it or not. Do your siblings actually want to do it or are they being guilted into it? It is not fair of you to say you need self preservation and completely ignore their needs or wishes. The reality is anyone who needs 24 hour care needs to be in a facility not in at home.
Thank you for your thoughtful answers. The reason our 24 hr care started was mom entered hospice.The care we provided apparently stabilized her. So what started as a temporary solution has now become long term. Mom is still in hospice and they say she is not getting better or worse.
Vic, I think you all need to come up with an alternative. My mom was in hospice for years. Dad was full time caregiver. I was a fulltime worker and took over the shift when I was not working. I was very resentful that I could not get my weekends free. But I also understood that dad had to have his weekends off, too. Everyone wants some time off to do their own thing. To live a little of the 'normal' life.

How about a nursing home? You all can still do your visits with mom and stay there for hours with her (or not). But atleast you the facility has people that can take care of her 24/7 - in shifts.

And, I don't think you should pay for someone to cover for you. It should be from your mom's money. I used to do that for years. I finally realized (after finding this website) that Dad should be paying for the paid caregivers. He has the money, it's for his care, and so be it.
They can complain all they want.. You are POA because your Mom choose YOU to make the best decisions on her behalf.. It's time to respect your Mom's wishes i.e. nursing home or pay someone to homecare...

If mom is on hospice and not getting better or worse, the "emergency" that started the need for 24/7 care is over. Now you are into the "long term" part of her care. You need to make a better arrangement for her care. Doing that sort of hands on caregiving while working full time will cause you to have a breakdown of your own health. Mom's funds need to be used for her care.
This situation is totally crazy. I can understand how it started as a short-term deal, but to let it go on and on is absurd.

You are POA. It is your RESPONSIBILITY to make financial decisions if Mother cannot. Your siblings want YOU to pay for mother's care. Absolute nonsense. Mother's money should pay for her care.

Mother can continue to be on hospice in a care center, if she remains eligible.

I agree with jeannegibbs... Take charge..
I agree with Jeanne, absolutely. Your big advantage is that you have POA. You don't need your siblings' permission: you are free to use your mother's funds to pay for her care. Moreoever, to do that not only for shifts you're not able to cover, but also to take the pressure off your siblings too.

Her children's presence is good for your mother: excellent. So be around as much as each of you is able and willing to manage; it is lovely that you are able to benefit her in this way. But there is no need for martyrdom on the part of any of you - you three are a supplement to hospice care, not the other way around.

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