Siblings and caregiving responsibilities.
I know this is going to be long but in some ways I just need to vent. I am the in-law who is involved in the caregiving of my mother in law. My husband comes from a family of 4, 3 of the siblings live in the same town as my MIL. We live 3 hours away. My father in law passed about two months ago and at that time my SIL was the POA of both parents. They were in assisted living after my FIL declined following a surgery which left him unable to take care of either my MIL and himself. During her time as POA, we offered up as much help as possible and came in to visit whenever we could. She found herself with the burden of paying bills and hiring sitters for them, etc. On many occasions we bailed her out financially when she would call us crying that she had run out of their money and ultimately we gave about $25,000 of our own money to help out with that situation. My FIL passed away and just prior to that, my SIL who was POA stopped paying bills etc. We obtained access to their bank accounts and discovered that the $25,000 that we handed over was money that was actually spent by her, on herself! Of course we were livid but didn't say anything about it. Another brother knew about the situation and spilled the beans to her which then caused her to freak out and completely shut down offering no further help to my widowed MIL. We approached my MIL and asked if she had authorized use of that money and of course the answer was no. At that point we figured it was best that someone else take POA to protect her assets, etc. The other (responsible) brother who LIVES in the the same town refused to take it and that left my husband the only one who would (the 3rd brother has a drug problem). So we are now managing her care from 3 hours away and no one from the family will go and see her at all. I have become increasingly frustrated in my roll, which has become like a full time job, having no one there to check in on her etc. Ive had to hire sitters to fill in for family to be with her in the emergency room on several occasions. It's truly despicable how little they have offered in helping us out and I am finding myself depressed and angry and unable to let it all go. My SIL basically screamed at my MIL for giving us the POA when it wasn't any fault of hers at all. She has no reason to be mad at her. On a side note, this has been a family with LONG standing dysfunction and my MIL has always been very difficult, but in my mind that doesn't give them the right to walk away from her like they have. Any advice that anyone has to offer in regards to a way that I can somehow "move on" from my frustration is welcome. I find myself completely consumed with anger and it's truly never been in my nature to be this way. I am getting help from the responsible brother with some of the financial stuff, which is helpful, but I still get angry when we need to drive in all the time to check on her when they are RIGHT THERE and don't ever see her. Sorry for the lengthy nature of this, but I know someone out there has dealt with something similar ??