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he expect of me to take care of mom while he sits back and let him rest and not opt help do anything he never help when i was living at home with mom since 1 was 2 till 17 and i moved out married have 5 children now 42 years old he's 57 lives in east st louis i stay in peoria il my mom was in a car accident 2 years ago stayed in the nursing home down east st louis .il he he was at the present staying there and i was in decatur ,il at the time and he never paid a visit . im on a a monthly fixed income helping out with my daughter going to school with a new baby and me and my husband went to visit whenever we could till we help her gotten out of the nursing home into my apartment untill she gotten her own my mom is a very hateful abusive racist and she expect everything to go her way she accuse her housekeeper of stealing and taking her to their house and she called the aging social worker saying she was abused ? while me and my husband was their and then she changed her story but my brother never visit or called untill yesterday i told him she wants to come back he told me he took all his time with her which is totally false she was catching a buses .and ride with friends till she gotten a car and wreck it before all this happened my mom supported himand his drug habits and when she went into the nursing home he never vow to help get her out and helped like me and my husband done and he telling me its my job MY JOB TO HELP HER CAUSE IM THE ONLY FEMALE
AND HE CANT HELP HER LIKE I CAN LIKE CHANGING HER PAMPER SHES NOT EVEN ON THE DEEPNDS YET HE NEVER VOW TO HELP ME NEVER WITH MY MOM I HELP PAID RENT PUT FOOD INTHE HOUSE she was an acoholic till i moved away from home he barely never was around till money involved they never gotten along with each other both are just alike demanding what i should do my husband had to talk with my brother because he was out of line bout sending my cousin money in a correctional institute i barely deal with my people on my dad side of family sometime i wish i can because they're better my dad said before he died my brother says she dont need to come back stay wher she;s at i know why and the both trying to ruin my life with my husband and kids and grandkids i have a life and they're out to evvy me i never caused no trouble for neither one

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Your mother was abusive. As far as I'm concerned, neither you nor your brother owes your mother hands-on care. If you help her find a suitable place to live, and to arrange any assistance she is qualified for, that is fulfilling your duty.

If you decide to do more than that, that is your decision. It does NOT obligate your brother to make the same decision. I don't say this because you are female -- I say it because of past abuse, and that EACH OF YOU needs to decide what is best for you now.

So, whatever you are going to do, know that you are doing it on your own. Your brother has made his decision clear. Vent if you want to, but no amount of moaning and wishing and expecting will change the situation. For the present purposes, you are an only child.

Personally, I think you should put your husband and your kids and grandkids first, and turn your mother's care over to professionals.
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