Share your annoying request or demands that happened to you today.

Sorry Tiredreader, I know its hard. And you are trying to what you can for your grandmother. Now that my dad has passed away, I can only wish he had a annoying request or demand to give me. Before he passed I felt like I had never ending to do lists. Calendars were my friends. I would mark each day off like a prisoner. Now I don't even know what to do that my dad is gone. Still feels surreal I don't have to do anything for him anymore. And this reality pains me more.

I feel for you cdnreader. Actually I wish my Mom had annoying requests when she was alive but she was always the kind of person who didn't want to bother anyone. Would put up with just about anything just so she wouldn't be a burden. When I finally discovered what she had been hiding it was pretty much too late to do anything about it. Dear, sweet Mom........I miss her so.

Mom wanted me to floss her teeth for her - I said my fingers won't fit in your mouth
She said, then there must be something wrong with your fingers

Yes, TiredReader, that is pretty annoying, or funny depending on your mood I guess.

Since she has dementia she may have forgotten how to do it, or wasn't confident that she could do it correctly. Or she may have concluded that since she is retired from cooking she shouldn't be doing those kinds of things.

But, yup, being called back to dump oranges onto cottage cheese could definitely be annoying!

Sorry, but that's a little ridiculous! Calling you in the room just to have you put her oranges in her cottage cheese? Putting myself in your situation, I would simply say, "sorry lady, you're a big girl, do it yourself!" I then storm right back into the other room and resume what I was originally doing. Even my demented foster dad had enough sense to do little things for himself, and I'm amazed at how far he even got before he was forced into a nursing home from a second hospitalization. As long as a person is still able to get around and do things for themselves, I won't cater to them. I would make them get whatever it is they want themselves or any other little thing they can do for themselves, I'm just not catering to someone who can still care for themselves. I figure if you can still get up and walk around and do little things, then do it all yourself, don't ask me because I'm not doing it

Mom keeps asking for ice water. I get her glass (still has water in it) dump it, rinse it out, fill and add ice and bring it back. This happens a couple times a day. Yesterday I stood next to her for several minutes because I was interested in a bit of news on her TV.

While standing there...the cat jumped up and mom offered the glass of ice water to the cat!

Guess who drinks the ice water? Cat is apparently so spoiled it requires the water to be ice cold now too!

My plan is to just bring a low ball glass of ice water every so often...whenever I am going to her any way. Save me the time and trouble to deal with it on a separate trip. (Just one more item on the tray.).

Honestly, that cat is a much bigger bother than mom!

We are a human beings. Whatever we happen to feel, whether annoyed, amused at an elder's antics, or nothing in particular, we have the right to feel whatever we happen to feel at the moment. I don't think it's anyone's business to be judgemental in telling us our feelings are right or wrong. Since when is anything moral about what one feels inside? We do not have to justify nor defend our feelings. And so often, the immediacy of feelings and our lack of perspective means our feelings might not seem to make much sense to us. Later, the gift of hindsight may soften what we felt before.

I feel your pain. My mother asked me to get her a roll of toilet paper out of the closet because she couldn't pick up the three rolls of paper towels that were sitting on top of the toilet paper to get the toilet paper. She lives alone and I am just here for two weeks. I don't know know who will do this for her after I leave.

When my daddy came home from open heart surgery, my sister and I took turns weekly taking care of him. On my week, every time my butt hit the couch, he'd think of something for me to do. Usually while I was doing another task, he was telling about the next. At the end of the day, I was calling my husband crying. It was get me this ,hand me that. I couldn't wait for my week to be over lol. Lets not forget to mention him peeing in a urinal at anytime in the living room. HA!

Three dates, stones taken out; 1 bottle of Actimel with the lid taken off ready; half-size helping of oatmeal with golden or maple syrup in a squirly L-shape on it; tea not too strong, not too much milk, one sugar and must be hot and don't spill it whatever you do; one hi-juice orange squash with the Omeprazole pre-dispersed as per pharmacy instructions; one cranberry capsule softened in water; Chinese man egg cup for other meds...

I could practically put that breakfast tray together in my sleep. Now, I just regret that I didn't sit with her while she ate. Couldn't spare the hour at the time - who's got an hour to spare in the morning? But you don't get it back again later.

I'm laughing now, but totally under stand TiredReader's feeling. Love the one about the cat and the ice water too. LoL. I probably should not laugh though, as I remember all the ludicous and petty things my Dad used to demand. Like the time he called up at one in the morning and insisted we go buy him some more CokaCola. He only had four cans left in the fridge, and insisted he was going to run out. "What am I going to dooooo? " in a whining voice, in the middle of the night only pissed me off. After three call backs , and me slamming the phone down each time, I finally shut the phone off. ...About a week later I found out that Dad then went over to the neighbor's house (still the middle of the night) and asked them to go buy him CocaCola. ....Their self centerness knows no bounds.

My sister & I wanted to spend time with our mom but it helped to be able to share each day. Things that might have bugged us had we been alone, instead would be part of our daily reports to each other so it ended up with our laughing (with love) instead. When my mom did things I saw them as windows to her childhood. Kids are sometimes reluctant to do things without permission of "adult" (and you may be seen as parent now). Maybe HER mom would have been angry if she had mixed all her food together so her request might have been more for your permission than for your serving her.

It took some time to reach this stage. It is easier once it is perfectly clear something has changed. Hardest years were before we had a clue what was going on. At one point I thought my mom was faking and had just figured out a way to have our attention. How wrong I was.

PS. On another note: Our three homes were next to each other. (another tip: We had baby monitors in each house so we could hear when our mom woke up at night. Baby monitors worked from across the street.)

My mother has become spoiled by the daytime caregivers who spoon feed her. Last night at dinner, she asked for a spoonful of soup. I told her no way. I was trying to eat my dinner. Guess what....somehow she remembered how to work a spoon.

Spoon feed her. Ha, I barely even spoonfed my babies back in the day. I gave them a couple of months to figure it out and let them feed themselves.

My Mom has Alzheimer's, so she can't remember how to do certain things but she doesn't ask us to do it for her. She will just eat what ever is brought to her the way it is. I think your Grandma probably just would like you to sit with her during breakfast. I used to help out at our local hospital in the mornings after I got my kids to school and would help the patients through breakfast. They do need help and assistance, some can't cut up their food and other's were diabetic and I would make sure they were actually given a diabetic breakfast because the hospital does make mistakes and found that many times. Help your Grandma she won't be around forever! When my Grandmother was dieing of cancer, my Mom & her siblings took turns staying with Grandma 24/7 around the clock and she never complained or was in pain unti the last week of her life. No one ever complained about having to stay with Grandma, they were all glad to be able to spend time with her. I know not everyone is the same so you should sit with her and ask her about family history, stories of times past, record this stuff as you won't be able to ask her once she has passed.

Hey, guys. TiredReader started a thread for everyone to share their annoying things of the day. I don't think she meant for judgment calls on her own interaction.

Okay, I'll share my annoying thing for the day. It is when someone says something bothered them and other group members say that they will feel different after their loved one dies. In many instances I think there is unresolved grief issues that may not be relevant to everyone.

The one thing my mother won't ask me to do, for some unknown reason, is change the television channel. I went in to check on her and caught her watching a football game - my mother is absolutely NOT into football. The programming had changed and the game came on so she just sat and watched it... for hours.

No, I know, JessieBelle, sorry, you're right. I'm just feeling tender at the moment, everything makes me sad. God knows the fussy fiddly faffy bits drove me round the twist at the time.

These made me chuckle-a little. My hubby is 65, still working FT, and certainly able to feed himself..BUT...if he is sick, he will lay in bed until I come in to see what's wrong. Won't take any meds other than his prescribed ones--say he has a headache...he literally "waits" for me to dx the headache, bring him something to eat and hand him ibuprofen. If there is not an actual meal sitting on the table at 7 pm, he eats cereal w/o checking to see if I have left him dinner in the fridge to heat up. PLUS I always leave a note if I am not home, and instructions on what there is to eat...how to warm it ,etc. He seems completely incapable of caring for himself in any way other than washing and dressing. If we run out of milk...we're out until I buy more. If his shirts have been taken to the cleaners, he doesn't know how to retrieve them. Bless his heart--his mom fussed him, and I guess I inadvertently made this monster worse. He keeps saying "I am so glad you will outlive me"--well, I guess he hopes I do.
I try to find humor in this (the kids think it's hilarious) but he is the last "generation" of this kind of dinosaur, I think. I see my boys walking through the door at the end of their work day and seamlessly stepping into "dad-mode" and I KNOW I did something right. My hubs wanted a cold drink at the end of the day, and I always took the cap off the soda for him. He never stepped up into child care at the end of his day--that was MY job.
Tired Reader--you hit a tender spot with a lot of us!! I am also a PT caregiver for my Mother and making her lunch salad is like putting together a puzzle--if you put too many beets in it, she pouts. It's crazy, but it's the crazy I know.

Good place to vent--esp today. Fed hubby 2 meals in bed since he didn't feel well yesterday.

... no mom, your "pads" go in your briefs like a Christmas tree (the design on the incontance pad if placed correctly appears as a Christmas tree shape) ... "no mom, read the instructions I put on your walker, you soaked thru because since when does a Christmas tree stand upside down".... "what? There are no green spices that go on lasagna, let me see what you're eating out of the fridge... oh for gods sake mom that's mold." ...... "What? Pringles potato chips are not a good source of nutrition no matter how many times you tell me they are" ........... "um mom, why are you wearing your grandsons basketball shorts?"..........

One of my favorites was Dad calling me from the dining room to ask if I had his pen. No, haven't seen it. Then climbing out of his chair, grabbing the walker, and getting face to face with me to ask what I did with his pen. Haven't seen it. I walk into the dining room, it's on the table next to his checkbook. You can't see this I asked? No. Then I'm taking the car keys away, you have no business behind the wheel. Never lost his pen again.

I completely agree with JesseBelle. No one needs to hear "you'll feel differently when they die" as if you the caregiver has no right to be tired or fed up with putting your life on hold so they can live theirs.

My father moved to AL. I did not unpack all his boxes as I thought it would give himself something to do and help him settle in. A few months go by and he tells me he has no warm clothing. Yes he does, I know it was packed. I had to drive 25 miles to lift the lid off a box marked clothing to show him a box full of sweaters. Another time he said I needed to buy him more shampoo. I did only to find a computer sized box in his closet marked "bathroom' filled with bottles and bottles of shampoo and other necessities. When I asked why he didn't go through these boxes he said he just "didn't get around to it". Seriously? What has he been doing for all those weeks???

Does anyone think I am really going to miss all those trips to the ER and wasting more hours than I can count over frivilous and made up ailments? Or all the times he dumped plans with me because one of his nephews were going to visit? Or all the vacation time I gave up to run him to all those doctors? Or all those phone calls that always started with "I've got a problem..."? Or all the conversations that revolve around what he did in the bathroom.

Please caring for an elder is a very hard job. Please don't condemn those of us who do not find doing this fulfilling. Sometimes you just need to vent and have others tell you they understand what you are going through. The guilt trips are not necessary and quite frankly uncalled for.

Aaarrrgggghhhh! Something really minor happened today, but it annoyed the heck out of me. I was with my mother, taking her around to her usual weekly errands and shopping. She mentioned that a few days ago the folks at Panera had messed up her order - failed to include her bear claw in it. She didn't have the receipt so it wasn't clear if she had paid for it or not.

She said she was going to complain to them about it, and I asked her nicely not to do it while I was in the car. Reason being she gets so loud and confrontational that I'm embarrassed to be seen with her.

So today we had to go to Panera on our way home to pick up a smoothie for my sister who was sick at home. As we're leaving the first window after ordering, she says to me "You didn't say anything about my bear claw." and I said "No, and I'm not planning to. I asked you not to bring that up while I'm in the car." So as we're being handed our order she shouts rudely at the headset-wearing woman at the window "YOU OWE ME A BEARCLAW!!!" The poor woman had no idea what my mother was yelling about and luckily was more frightened than annoyed. When my mother repeated it, the girl just meekly threw a bearclaw into a bag and handed it out the window. This is just typical of my mother - rude, obnoxious, and zero regard for anyone's feelings but her own.

Umm today... mediating between the ceiling fan and my MIL.... Yes the ceiling fan was having a conversation with her and she was NOT happy with the repies.. No she doesn't have a UTI, just new grannie post 4th stroke.. sundowning can be a biatch,lol

Never mind...seeing others raked over the coals for expressing remorse, I've deleted my response.  

tiredReader, I read your post and absolutely guffawed. Momma died two weeks ago and I have not had such a genuine eruption since before her passing. Thank you.

I don't know if it helps...probably depends on your mood in the moment...but she may truly not know how to combine the two - or just fear that she is wrong about how to do it. Hard to believe but it happens. I remember asking my mom what she wanted to drink. We went around it for five minutes and she would not tell me. I asked "do you want coke or milk?" and she would not tell me. I offered other choices with the same result. I was so sick of making every single decision and I just wanted her to make this one decision. Finally, I ranted for two minutes about how it was her drink, it had to satisfy her and she was the only one who could make that decision and I was tired of making all the decisions. Then it hit me like a thunderbolt. I asked her if she knew what the word "drink" meant. She threw her arms out to th e side and said, "I have no idea what you are talking about". In the last 12 hours she had lost the meaning of the word drink.

I had an Uncle with Alz. Who had a rash on his legs so we picked up a prescription lotion for him. My aunt sent him into the bathroom to treat his legs. After 15 minutes he still had not returned. She went to check on him and found that he thought it was a suppository and was trying to figure out how to squirt it into his butt. She had to show him how to spread it onto his legs.

Even when they truly need help with simple things, after a long day it can be really hard to remain patient. There were evenings when I snuck some bourbon into my coke with dinner because it kept me from being snappish.

Do we throw the mandarin oranges in top, or mix them in?

Susan you shouldn't have deleted your post. We have just as much of a right to say "you might regret it when your parent dies" as anyone else on here has the right to complain about their parent ad nauseum. It is a free country isn't it? Sticking to the theme of the OP's original comment doesn't happen on most threads so what's the diff?

Knew I should have moved to Canada if I wanted to be free to post.

Send you can post whatever you like. :)

Ibeenscammed, I love what you say about the gift of hindsight.