Setting Boundaries in Toxic Relationships.

Thank you Jeanne,
This is very helpful information. I know things are going to get worse, so I am preparing for the future (if that's possible with this Disease) mentally & emotionally as a caregiver to take care of myself
Thanks again for listening.

The author, Carol Bradley Bursack, is a very wise and compassionate person with lots of caregiving experience.

I would like to point out that she is writing about situations with abuse in the background. She specifically excludes dementia. The loved one with dementia who says or does hurtful things may not at all be intending abuse. That can be extremely heartbreaking and difficult to deal with, but it is not the same as long term willful abuse. Also, while leaving the room momentarily during a dementia outburst may diffuse the situation, it isn't really intended to "teach" the person with dementia new behavior. That may be beyond their capacity. With an abusive person you really do want to teach them new behavior.

Of course, some parents who were abusive all their lives do get dementia. Personally, I think having professionals care for that parent is the best course of action. That is just too many layers for someone emotionally involved to deal with.

Thanks for your reply Jessie,
I believe is that my Mom is voicing her frustrations with the situation she is in, by lashing out at me. I also feel that she is probably wanting to give the impression to the "world" that she's OK and doesn't need help and I don't need to be her and that she doesn't know why I moved to her home.

When I explain the situation to the aunt, she says "I know you are telling the truth, but it's just so hard to accept", however, she talks to my mother in a different way often supporting Mom's negative talk about me. She tells my mother that she should still be able to do and not do (like driving for example and going for walks alone). The Dr's have advised against this. The Primary Dr says absolutely no driving among other things.

Tonight was just awful. When I called to give aunt my side of the story, I had to get off the phone with her when she started on the same cycle of thought she does every time I called her in the past & I have to explain the same story over & over. Aunt also has early Dementia.

Her daughter, my cousin: I have tried explaining in writing but was constantly being sent insensitive emails. I drew the line when she told me that I was an awful niece and, as my mother's only sister, her mother needed to know what was going on and I was wrong for not calling her to giver her updates. They both tell people that my mother will "snap out of this", because on the phone my mother says she is fine and sounds fine.

I stopped calling my aunt when each conversation she went over the same things I had already told her regarding the situation and she told me to never put my mother in a nursing home. Her daughter in a nutshell told me I wasn't doing enough to make the situation better.
I feel so frustrated and I am only at the top of the first inning of this loosing battle of Dementia :-(