Dreaded sentences for a caregiver.

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On a lighter note -- I have come to live in dread of the simple question my mother often asks: "Do you know what we should do?" This is not really a question. It is a way of telling me that she wants me to devote a half or whole day to doing something that is not important. Not willing to throw my time away so freely, I have started asking her if she has a mouse in her pocket. Of course, I have to explain each time what I mean. Oh, does she get mad. But I save myself from a lot of unneeded chores. This "we" thing means me and always takes a lot of time.

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I had a client whose mother used to ask that question all the time too. What she really wanted to know is what was going on. No one was really telling her (and then reminding her) of what her situation was. She was in a nursing home but her son didn't want to tell her that she was never going home and that she was not getting better. I spoke with her and explained frankly and clearly what was going on and discussed with her closing her apartment, which her family didn't have the guts to do. She was greatly relieved and stopped asking that question. In cases such as that one, where the family is not being up front and clear with their parent, it makes perfect sense that the parent too is speaking in veiled terms. Consider the fact that your parent may be in a confused state for a variety of reasons, you don't need to add gaslighting to the list! Good luck and stay positive.
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PCVS~Unfortunately we don't have an attorney "friend". It's a palm tree, the branches are really light and pose not risk to her, but the berries that form in the spring do fall on her patio and could cause her to slip. The problem is the neighbor moved out of the house, it is not up for sale, there is not lockout on the door to indicate it was repossessed. I think he moved in with his son, for what reason I do not know. There are 2 boards that have fallen of the fence that runs along my mothers patio and he won't fix that either. The boards need to be fixed on his side of the fence so we can't fix that without trespassing. He is obviously still paying the mortage. My sister and I went over to the house when he was still living there but he wouldn't answer the door. My mother has been very rude to these people from the beginning simply because of their ethnicity. His wife died about 4 years ago from ovarian cancer, he is probably in his late 40's. I have no idea how to contact him at this point. Thanks for your suggestion.
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To the person whose neighbor's messy berry bearing branch might fall and cause your mother injury: if you have a friend who is a lawyer you might consider having the lawyer friend write an official letter asking them to have the branch removed because if they don't and your mother is injured you will sue them.

;)
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...sorry, I'm still puzzling out how she breathed in dust and got a yeast infection....I mean....I'm a guy, so...nope. I give up. All I could think of was, "Someone got a reeeeeaaaaalllly bad facelift if everything got pulled that high."
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ROFLACGU!
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Jessie, funny you should mention that...In addition to all the other weird/odd behaviors, dad is also paranoid about mom "running around on him", like she has time to fool around while taking care of him. Anyway, one day he was complaining about all the (imaginary) people in and out of the house, and said we should put chairs in the hallway, like a waiting room. After he went to bed, I looked at mom and said, "It all makes sense now. You're screwing around with all of dad's imaginary friends. Four of them? Tramp!" Mom and I still laugh over it, but other people don't really get dementia-related humor. Oh well.
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The stories can sound very logical. The workers sanded old paint and it blew back in the house. She breathed it and got a yeast infection.

We had workers here this summer getting rid of the sag in the floor. They supported and lifted the floor. Mom said it caused cracks between all the boards, letting little bugs and noxious gases in. They were causing her itching and breathing problems. (She doesn't have breathing problems, except the one created by generalized anxiety.) I'm dealing now with keeping the towels and throws picked up off the floor. She puts them down to cover the "cracks," even though she has already sealed them with multiple layers of wax. I don't worry about the cracks, since there are none, but I do worry about the trip hazard she creates putting towels and throws in the floor.

We haven't had four men in the bedroom yet. That would be kind of scary. If that happened, I guess I could just say, "Two for each of us!"
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Jessie, I have to ask...what in god's name were the workers doing in 2009 that gave your mother a yeast infection? You REALLY need to report that to the better business bureau. I always get a chuckle from the stories that come from imaginationland/dementiaville. Dad's usually comes when he doesn't want to go to bed. He talks about the 4 other guys that are in there, and what they've got going on. That's usually the one I hate to hear most, because it means it's going to be a struggle to get him to go to bed. Sometimes I stymie him with "There's only one bed in there. What are you doing in bed with 4 other dudes?" Recently, it wasn't HIM that soiled himself. Obviously, someone else (one of the 4?) pooped his pants. Silly me for thinking otherwise.
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Sounds good to me Jessie, it better than you and me playing Chip N Dale, Lol!!
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I understand that. Mom always said/says "what we gonna do today". Like, you need to include me. Too cute
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