Now that my mom died, my dad doesn't have anyone to "tell him what to do." This seems like an impossible situation.
My mom died on December 24, 2011. My dad was left and he was showing signs of dementia a couple of years before she died. Now that my mom died, my dad doesn't have anyone to "tell him what to do". That's the way he puts it. Up until a couple of weeks ago he was living in him home alone. I visited every day. I would clean his house as best as I could, but it's old and they didn't take care of the house for years. My mom was pretty much wheel chair bound.
Its not like I didn't want to help the both of them, but when I would do things to help them out, my dad would get mad. I always felt like I could be doing something even when my mom was alive, but she wanted to keep the peace, so I didn't really do anything much, unless I was asked.
So two weeks ago, I noticed my dad couldn't move his head, like his neck was sore. He also had a big raw place on his forehead. So I told him we need to get him to the doctor. Keep in mind, he wouldn't take any medications prescribed since my mom died or who knows how long. I took off work and told him I was going to take him and he told me to butt out of his business and that I was too nosey. My dad still drove and that was scary because he would go places and not remember where he would go. I know he was going places and spending money he shouldn't because I do his bills online. (I am the power of attorney). He would go to the pawn shop and spend money on lawn mowers and vacuums. At one point he had over 15 vacuums and right now he has 6 lawn mowers. He also has a John Deere tractor. So why buy all those mowers? He urinates on his pants and its obvious with the smell. He would frequent a local diner and the waitress recently pulled me off to the side and told me they were having to clean the seat up after he left.
I would have to tell my dad to change his clothes because he smelled like urine and he would deny going on himself. Family members would call him and he wouldn't remember and would say they don't care about him. He was burning pots on the stove, I could see the pots, they would get unusable. He would leave garbage everywhere and the garbage can smelled spoiled.
Anyways, the day I told him I was going to take him to the doctor and he told me no and to get out of his house, I told him I was going to call social services. I did and they said I should go to the courthouse and do a Baker Act on him. I did and the police came that very night and determined he needed to go to the hospital. He was extremely angry at me and called when the police were there. I didn't want to be there for that.
So he was in the hospital for a week and they treated him for several things, including he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was benign and wasn't causing any of this behavior. He constantly tried to escape the hospital. The psych doctor told me that he didn't need to be living alone and needed in a nursing home. As well as the other doctors.
So the time finally came when the social worker arranged for him to go to a nursing home. He is on Medicare and Humana, so it only covers him for seven says in the home. He was livid at me once again for taking him to a nursing home. All I hear from him is "TAKE ME HOME!" and when I repeat to him why I can't he gets mad and tells me to leave and don't come back. He has also called me from the nursing home asking me to get him out of there. When I don't comply he hangs up on me.
The doctor at the home says that they are going to give him an occupancy therapy test to officially determine whether he should or shouldn't go home. I can't see him living by himself. It would be the same thing over again. On top of all that the insurance runs out this coming Thursday. I or he cannot afford the $50 a day co-pay. So the nursing home and I are going to apply for Medicaid. I just hope it all goes right. Because if he goes home he won't allow any home care. He has already declared that no one is coming in to help him.
This is the worst thing I have ever had to go through. There doesn't seem to be a real solution. Its mentally and emotionally trying. For anyone that will read this post I appreciate your input. It just helps to talk about this situation, even on this website.