Mom is still argumentative about the car and gives the caregivers fits about driving.

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Thanks y'all, here's the background/questions. My mom's dementia is undiagnosed. We originally hired caregivers for Dad, and then we all began to notice mom's decline. Her PA, (the only doc she'll see in their very small town) did a basic memory test in August and she failed tremendously. At that time we were trying to get help from him in stating NO MORE DRIVING, due to the # of "accidents" which she had. She still perseverates on the driving, keys are hidden but every time they go anywhere it's a problem. Some days she acquiesces somewhat amiably, but others is very vocal in her anger. She is on Xanax, and is given one on "driving days" as soon as she awakens. We have considered moving the car to another place on the property, but she is bothered when she can't see it. Also, considered selling it, but we would like the caregivers to have a car for transport that is comfortable for mom and dad and doesn't require them using personal vehicles for family business. The scenario of why she can't drive changes in her head, and she has visited all public officials in this little town to plead her case. They are all old friends of the family, and kindly tell her to accept being driven, and NO she can't drive herself unless she wants to end up in the pokey! She will laugh and accept it, but 20 minutes later at home, forgets she has spoken to anyone and it all starts over again.
Hope this is not too long, I could go on and on.
Thank you to anyone who has input. God bless,

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Here is what we did: Discussed with people who were to give her a license renewal and told them our concerns about her safety and safety of others. They called mother in for an interview and she failed every test they gave her. Ultimately they took her license away which gave me the leverage I needed to sell her car.

This did not stop her daily insistence that she needed her car, nor did it stop the stories she made up for why she needed to drive. What it did do was give me a piece of paper that I could give to her that showed her she was no longer able to drive and then I remind her how lucky she is to have a personal chauffeur (me) to take her anywhere she wanted to go. That usually stops it for that day. :-)
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My parents primary care physician requires a driver's exam from a state certified examiner any time a patient exits skilled care back to assisted or independent living. That required dad to take the test, which he failed. Then mom took the test and failed. The examiner notified the BMV and the physician's statement specified NO MORE DRIVING and NO RE-TESTING. Thank goodness. Of course they forget-so I put a "club" anti-theft device on the car. It's available at their AL community when I need a larger vehicle to chauffeur them around, but they can't drive it. I tell them it's to keep someone from stealing their car.
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We used my mom's inability to drive (she recognized herself that she no longer felt alert enough to drive) to convince her to move from her suburban house with no sidewalks, no public transport, to an independent living situation. So, good deal all around. Yes, get the docs, DMV, the police involved. Dont' let parents personalize this.
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My mother has dementia and stopped driving about 2 years ago. It was really not hard to convince her not to drive (fortunately). I actually had a harder time with the insurance company trying to remove my father as a driver from the insurance after he could not walk anymore. Finally, I just let his license expire. My mother is listed on the policy just in case she does decide to drive sometime. I don't leave her car at her apartment, but one can never know for sure what they will do. I keep white boards around the apartment to remind her to do things. If you could get an official letter, such as from the DMV, telling her she cannot drive anymore, put it where she can see it frequently (such as on the fridge) maybe she would come into contact with it enough that it will start to sink in. My father disabled his mother's car, but that does not solve the problem of having a car in which they are comfortable or not using the caregiver's car. Perhaps your parent's car could become disabled and another car appear for their use, but that magically does not belong to them. She probably would not ask to drive a car she thinks does not belong to her. Depending on how bad your mother's mind has become, perhaps just a paint job and detailing would convince her it is another car.
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ruralwannabe~We are in California.
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sharynmarie, what state DMV did you have?
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HI I have been a caregiver for 25 years , just take the battery out of the car and throw away the keys, i know this is harsh but other people are involved. yes she will be upset,
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Aloha ia 'oe,
First, let me say that the comments and suggestions on this thread have been of very great help to me. One of the things I want to mention is that, for example, Oregon (I'm in Hawaii) has NO restrictions about the age of the licencee. At some point (now?), those of us who are concerned about our elderly parents must work with our legislators to make mandatory a driving test (written & road) annually once a person reaches a certain age. Dad LOVES driving, although he scares the pants off of us. Would I want MY little ones in the car while he's driving? Since I'm so far away, the task of working on a solution falls on my mother and brother. I do not envy them this mission. Dad was a teacher and coach for nearly 40 years, which shows that he cares greatly for others - he can also be awfully stubborn. Dad would be devastated if someone were to be harmed by his actions.

After having read comments here, I feel that getting his doctor involved in the process is a great idea. In some cases, having the doctor write a prescription that says "no driving" might work, and if that doesn't, the doctor can send the prescription to DMV who will take away his license.

I wish you well...this is a very difficult time for all of us broaching the subject when we may feel scared, perhaps intimidated, and extremely concerned. **HUGS**
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Please take the car away. My friend's grandparents had both lost their licenses but insisted on keeping a car for their caregivers to drive them places. The grandfather bullied one of the caregivers into letting him drive and he ran right through a stop sign and into the path of another car. Their grandmother was killed by the impact. Sad, true story.

My MIL's car had dings and dents all over it when she was diagnosed with vascular dementia. We hope she never hurt anyone.
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This was a hugh problem with my Mother. She would take the car out for "little errand" and come back all frazzled because she had "lost" the car in the parking lot. I do not understand why in this country people are allowed to drive long after they should have had their licenses taken away. I understand the loss of independence, blah blah blah - I am more concerned with the family crossing the street as my Mother barrels down the road oblivious to anyone but herself and runs into them. So we sent the form into the DMV and her license was revoked. The consequence for me is that since I am her caregiver I have to listen to the rumination about how unfair it is that at 90 years old she should not be able to take a 4 ton weapon into the street. I just let her ruminate, words are just words but a car running into a toddler is too horrific to even imagine.
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