Sending Mom to nursing home, I feel bad but it is necessary.

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The state worker from Adult Protection Services came by and told my mother that when I left she would have to go the nursing home. Both of us wanted her to stay in the home but I must work and will not be there all the time. She has one caregiver who comes in 2-3 days a week but next week will out of time. I was laid off from my job in Dec. but unemployment benefits will soon run out as in the 3rd week in April. I will HAVE to work somewhere. I hate that my mother refuses to be cooperative with the state. She does not want us in her finances so we could possibly hire another person so that takes care of that. So it is in her best interests to be placed in a nursing home since I am the only child and would am an only child and there is not any oneelse to come. I am praying that she will go on her own in her mind.

25 Comments

Butterfly, you are doing the best that you can in the face of an uncooperative elder. Does your mom have dementia? Is that why she can't see the need for someone to be able to manage her finances?

Good luck with your job search; you will be able to visit mom with a clean conscience and a lighter heart, knowing that she's safe.

Thank you Bablou. It is the best decision. Adult Protection Services were at the home to evaluate her. They will make the final decision. Her doctor has said she needs 24 hour care. So if she goes to the nursing home, I will have a clear conscience that I did all that I could to help her.
And yes Babalou, she does have dementia
You are doing the right thing!!! ((((((hugs))))))
Thank you so much.
Butterfly, I am glad the APS is there to support what you need to do. I know that you are doing the right thing, because you have to pay your expenses and live. I hope your mother will settle in fast and maybe enjoy her new home. I know it will be nice to be able to visit her, instead of worrying about all the extra things that go with being a caregiver with an outside job. I hope you find a job you love.
Thank you so much JessieBelle. It is so much love here. I am eternally grateful.
I dont envy you, I know it must be so hard. My day is coming with that very thing. Please keep us posted. :) Hang in there.
Butterfly, assisted living places are a lot nicer than nursing homes. You should check them out. After you find a wonderful place, show your mother, it may be a nice compromise. My mom's apartment was beautiful and we furnished it with her own things. They took way better care of her than she was getting at home with a 24 hour staff. However, you need to be included in her finances, because she has dementia and you are her only child. You can use the money from the sale of her house to pay for her new apartment. You're in a tough spot, but don't worry because you are headed in the right direction, there's only so much one person can do!
My dad lives alone, 100 miles away from me. He's 89. I'll be 60 this year, and just can't do the drive any more. He has an aide, but alone on weekends, which is when I visit twice or more/month. I visited 3 assisted living places this weekend. I'll visit more to compare. Most near me also have "Memory Care" areas. Butterfly, do check these out. You will have peace of mind, less stress, and can begin a life for yourself again. Good luck!

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