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On Thursday, my grandmother calls my mom to announce that she has scheduled her surgery to have her other knee replaced later this month. Some how, something triggered a fight. The hospital that my grandmother had the first knee replacement, was horrible. Not much in the way of physical therapy and they kept her for 7 days. She was loaded with pain pills. She has always had a problem with the bottle and since she couldn't drink her booze, she wasn't going to refuse pain pills. After the 5th day, my mom said that grandmother was really out of it and couldn't follow the simplest conversation and was it necessary to be on that dose of pain meds for this long. After that, they discharged her to Mt. Alverna's for rehab. Nothing but whining, complaining and tantrums. The food wasn't good enough, they didn't have the bennies she wanted (cable, etc). My mother said that this wasn't a resort, she was there for rehab. Now two years later, she is going with the same surgeon and same hospital and wants the same rehab place. Mom reminded her about what happened the last time at Mt. Alverna's and she wasn't going to get the rehab she really needs. She doesn't want to go to the rehab where athletes go when they need rehab. Grandma had to be reminded about the rehab places that she has been before and she really didn't get better. Her response was, it wasn't so bad the last time. I think she is afraid that the therapists won't be tolerant of her shenanigans and she will really have to work at therapy for it to work.

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My DW was in rehab the first of this year and did good with all but one of the therapist. That one did not get the transport belt on correctly and when he tried to lift her into the wheel chair he crushed her breasts. It hurt her something fierce. He never got any co-operation again.
Therapy continued at home and it was always the same person (not the ones from rehab). She did really good and discontinued use of the walker in short order. Now I need a leash to keep her from wandering off. But when we are out shopping I put her in her wheel chair and she is a good girl and does not get lost.
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Grandma's knee, Grandma's decision. Mother's time, Mother's decision. Both adults can make decisions about their own behavior.

I hope Mother has learned by now to say no when appropriate.
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Sorry, but if parent is considered "with it" they cannot be made to do anything. When it comes to Medicare if patient is not doing the therapy Medicare won't pay and patient is discharged. Maybe Moms bad experience is her fault. And no matter where she went she would complain. It's been explained that she was unhappy in these places and still wants to go. It's her decision and tell her that and that you will not listen to her complaints and will not visit if all she does is complain. The patient only does as well as they are willing to work.
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Good thing mom is learning how to say no to her. My grandmother wants mom to take her to the rehab center instead of the hospital transport because grandma doesn't want to pay the couple hundred dollars. Well, she's going to have to pay for what Medicare and private insurance won't pay.
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Isn't her rehab paid for by Medicare?

You know, you CAN say "no" to those demands.

Back in the 1960s, my grandma broke her hip. She announced grandly to her friends that she was going to be an invalid and that my mother would tend her.

Well my mom had three young kids and packed grandma off to rehab (possible ONLY because of that newfangled Medicare). Grandma was outraged. "How can you do this to me?" "Leaving me with strangers! The very idea!"

Grandma learned to walk again. And I learned to say "no" to unreasonable parental demands.
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I don't know if it's because of money. So much is about money and she has the money to pay for a rehab facility that will help her more than the last place. I know my mother isn't looking forward to this and I'm not either. Tons of demands, wanting mom to come out to take her dirty laundry to wash, bring her junk food, needing someone at all time to entertain her. I think she doesn't want to work all that hard at rehab.
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Hmmm... has Grandma's surgeon had any input into this discussion, by any chance? Why is she so keen on the place she's choosing?

Don't worry about the therapists. They are nicer to brave little soldiers than they are to whiny wimps, but your grandmother isn't likely to be anything they haven't had to work round before.
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