Eek, that was a really dramatic title, but it's pretty much true.
So my mother is still pretty young (63) but she keeps having ever more frequent episodes of forgetfulness, personal negligence and other really scary aging warning signs. She's ALWAYS done stupid, dangerous things (bringing random people to my house for sex/drinking, dealing drugs in broad daylight, driving like an insane person), she's ALWAYS acted like a rebellious 14 year old, but now she's acting like a rebellious 14 year old in the body of an 80 year old. She needs help. Badly.
As an example, she crashed the car a few weeks ago. She was unhurt, thankfully, but her story as to how it happened changed multiple times (first she claimed someone was about to crash into her, then she said she went temporarily blind in one eye, then she said neither of those happened, now she's back at "I went blind").
She forgets conversations we have, and then later she blames me for lying about the conversation ever having taken place. But then when SHE remembers something that me or my dad forget, we're idiots.
She has left cigarettes unattended in her bedroom so many times that she literally doesn't own a bedspread that isn't full of burn holes. A month or so ago, I came up to find the whole bed on fire and her in the bathroom without a clue. And then she yelled at me for overreacting when I poured water on the bed. Literally, if I had not been there, she would have burned down the house.
She had a long habit of taking too many of her meds and falling down. Now she falls down and is dizzy even when she hasn't taken too many, basically because she refuses to eat. She was at about 90 pounds, now she's at about 110 and declared today she's not going to "play our game" to "make her fat" anymore. She has even said she'll be damned if she'll end up looking like me (I'm about 300 pounds, she couldn't get to my weight if she tried!)
Alright, so all these things are happening... but rarely in front of doctors. Or when they do happen in front of doctors, they don't care, and send her back home anyway. My dad and I pleaded with the social worker at two hospitals to not just brush her off, not to just send her home the way she is, and they totally gave us the runaround.
I emailed my aunt (her older sister), in tears, telling her about how myt mother had bashed up my car. Said aunt had a conversation with my mother that gave my aunt chills; she was positive she was talking to their mother (who had severe dementia). My aunt KNOWS all of these things are happening all the time, but all she would tell me was to stop enabling my mother or stop complaining about it.
I couldn't believe she would be so dismissive. My mother is turning into my grandmother before my very eyes, and everyone who could do anything is turning a blind eye. I am only 28 and I'm already dealing with horrible depression from all of this. I never know whether the person I meet is going to be an enraged, screaming demon, or my mother.
I realize I am enabling her in some ways, but she is legitimately frail. My mother literally cannot live without adult supervision. She WILL NOT EAT unless I bring her food. She can not consistently take care of herself, or clean her room, or do her own laundry. She never goes out of the house. Most of my money goes for her needs. I went in the hospital last year and for the week I was gone, nothing got done. She won't even get the mail.
I really need help.