Mom sucks the life out of me. I need to screen her calls.

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I need to vent....i need to set some boundaries in a big hurry. My mom is consumed with herself and her problems and expects me to dole out sympathy. She suffers from depression and anxiety and the doc cut her dose of clonazapam so she wouldn't have balance problems. Now she's impossible to deal with. All she talks about is how depressed she is and doesnt know what to do. I lost my temper this morning because she brought it up again. I give her advice and she doesnt take it. Uuuugggggggh.

This all reminds me of my childhood role of listening to her rant about everything. I had to take on the role of counselor and have wound back up there. I know i need to be gentle and firm and tell her i will only take calls on my day off in case of emergency. Is that too harsh? She's the only family i have other than my three half brothers in Missouri.

She has a personality disorder...maybe narcissism?

4 Comments

Hi smitty, maybe u could ease her into a set schedule for calls? Say emergency calls only during work hours (do u have an employer u can blame the restricted work calls on?) Then, tack on ur own need as not getting enough done at home too, and say, maybe we could talk at such n so time ea night, or what works for you? By all means, don't let her suck the life out of u! Can u get her in some activities-Sr Ctr or something else? Then some others will provide some diversion too! Good luck n keep venting-it helps so much!!
Smitty, I don't know how someone can sit around and only think of themselves, and NOT become depressed!! Oh my gosh, that could drive a person crazy, dwelling on ones problems 24/7 wouldn't it? I personally have never dealt with a person who's narcissistic, so I'm sorry I have no intelligent ideas for ya. BUT, my first thought was for her to volunteer at the hospital. She can spend her days in the oncology dept. watching families dealing with REAL life and death issues. Or she can go and hand out wigs to women who have lost all their hair from the chemo that's poisoning their bodies. Anyway, you get my drift. But like I said, I've never had to deal with someone like your mom, so probably telling her to buck up and put her big girl panties on, and DEAL with life, won't work. Sorry.
I think it is called parentification of the child. Look it up. This is part of a narcissistic personality. When the child is supposed to support the parent's emotional needs instead of the other way around. Please read as much as you can about narcissistic personality disorder. This will enlighten you I believe. Good luck to you.
Thanks for the comments! She can also be very sweet to me. My therapist told me she's a narcissist too! You guys nailed it!

I think setting a time is a very good idea. We talk every morning at 9:15 but them whenever she has a thought about what she neefs she picks up the,, phone.

Helping those with cancer would be a big wake up call for anyone. Maybe i will do that myself.

Yesterday i handed her info about the senior center and it looks like she wants to play bingo. I told her that even tho she thinks the other people are probably blue collar she needs to get out of the house. I mentioned assisted living because she thrives in social settings but it's taboo.

I'm not going to let her suck the life out of me anymore. Maybe i'll mention the whole cancer issue and put lufe in perspective for her.

Hugs to you all!

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