Riding the roller coaster.
My mom is very high maintenance. She always has been. My grandfather did everything she wanted and then she married my dad at 17 and he became the one at her beck and call. My dad passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I moved my mom to Indiana from Arizona because she was in poor health and unable to care for herself. Now I'm exhausted.
She doesn't live with me. She's in assisted living. She's well cared for and loved at her residence. She's made a couple of friends, three meals per day are prepared in the dining room. Nothing is good enough for her though. She curls her nose if you ask how anything is (people to food to the weather). Last week two separate caregivers came to her apartment, which I furnished because she broke her hip a week before she was to move in. It's really nice. When these two women came in and commented on how nice her apartment is, she curled her nose and shrugged her shoulders. She may as well have punched me in the stomach. Everything I've done for 2 1/2 years is wrong or not good enough.
Now she's mad at me because I hired (after she met and approved) a home health care company that can help keep her out of the hospital. She's battled lung cancer and heart disease. She called me Monday and said she was congested and coughing with a bad cold, so I called the nurse practitioner went to her place, wrote a prescription, checked on her via the phone today and is going back to see her again tomorrow. She is acting like I had her locked in a closet!
She wants me to take her to the doctor instead (the doctor she doesn't like, of course). I'm at my wit's end. I give up! The NP just called and said she's going to see her tomorrow, but it may be time for Hospice. Now I'm angry with her still and I feel guilty because I've almost wished her dead since she screamed at me on Monday and scolded me again for something I've done to try and help her.
How do you deal with the roller coaster of loving someone that drives you to want to choke them or walk away completely and then the guilt that comes when you are reminded just how short of a time they might have?
Thanks for sharing your experiences with me.