Recently reunited with my long lost (alcoholic/aging) father who lives in another state.
I'I'm 32 years old and have recently reunited with my father (65 yrs old) after 30 years(we had been in contact only 2 times after I was 2 years old-only by phone before our reunion-once when I was 8 and then again when I was 25).He is a self admitted alcoholic and has been long before I was born.His words: '...This didn't happen over night'.There has also been off and on drug use of every kind since before I was born up until only a few years ago.I 'found' him a little over a month ago through my half brother(27 years old)who lives in the same state as our father.They've had an on and off relationship his entire life.Alcohol and drugs affected that and alcohol still does.Through talking to my long lost brother,who I had never met in person,I got the sudden urge to finally meet him and my father in person.A few weeks ago, I flew down to meet them.My brother and I took a day to go spend with my father while I was there.We couldn't tell him I was coming because of the potential of him drinking more and earlier than he usually does with the anticipation.My brother agreed to come visit him(after 3 years of them not seeing each other)as long as he was sober when he got there.Our dad promised him.When we got there,he was drunk(at 9:30 in the morning).Honestly,I expected it.All in all it turned out to be a great visit-after the first 2 hours of practically babysitting).Ever since I came back home,I can't help but worry about our dad.I worry about his health and his living situation and his care.I worry he's going to die alone and no one will know. Maybe 65 years old doesn't seem old to a lot of people,but this man looks like he's 85, no lie.He's lived a hard life,still does,and it shows.He's about 5ft 7in and probably weighs about 110 lbs.Hunched over.Toothless.Sun damage for sure. Scares on his face and body that all have a story to tell.No telling what's going on on the inside.Possible COPD, liver damage,maybe even brain damage and I can't imagine what else.He smokes cigar cigarettes with the filters ripped off,pot and drinks alcohol practically all day every day.My brother doesn't seem to be in contact with him hardly ever. Maybe a quick phone call about once a month or less.And I guess they see each other maybe once every couple of years. I don't think my brother is in tune with the possible severity of our fathers health and the fact that one day,if that day isn't already here,he's no longer going to be able to care for himself and how any of that is going to affect either of us.I don't think he's considered any of it.My father lives alone in a small RV an hour and a half away from my brother. The only other family my father has is a terminally ill adopted sister who lives 2 hours away from him.Up to this point, she has been the one who provides transportation once a month to a grocery store.She provides him with a cell phone and pays his lot rent for the RV(which she also purchased).He lives soley off of social security.It's my understanding that she is near death and I worry about what will happen to my father when she's gone.Who will pay his lot rent?Will I lose contact with him because he'll no longer have a phone? How will he get food?Get to the doctor? He has no means to take care of any of this on his own.He can't even save our phone numbers on to his phone because he doesn't know how.He has my brother and I as well as his sister's numbers written down on paper that he keeps in a 'pouch'(which contains other important things such as his ID,his EBT card,social security card,etc.)that he frequently misplaces because he stays intoxicated. He loses all contact with everyone until they contact him or he finds it,when that happens.In his current condition, my biggest fear is that he dies....alone.Who will know?How and when will my brother and I find out?These worries and possibilities have been haunting me every day all day(and night)ever since I left him.I just don't know what to do or where to start.If I could do what I wanted to do I would go 'rescue' him and bring him home with me and get him help/treatment for his alcoholism and regular care from a physician.Try to get him some quality of life,of what he has left of it.He's basically just been a survivor his entire life.I don't want him to die like that.I want him to have some level of comfort.The reality of the situation is that I'm afraid to talk to my husband about how I feel,because he'll probably be against it.We don't have the money to financially care for another human being.I've tried to contact my brother since my visit to try to talk to him about my concerns but with his work schedule it's impossible for us to connect.I just don't know if there's any hope for my situation or if there's anybody that could even relate.If anyone has any insights, ideas or advice on how I could possibly find a solution to any of this I would greatly appreciate it.Thanks in advance.