How to resolve the tension between "happy" and responsibility for ones health when caregiving is involved?
hi everyone, I could probably write a 20 page paper on this so making it in 5000 characters might be a challenge! I came home to take care of my mother a couple of summers ago. she has parkinsons, depression, osteoporosis, crohn's disease and pretty bad arthritis to name a few. she's on 12 prescription medications and a handful of OTCs. when I first came home she was spending 22-23 hours a day in bed. I started her doing exercises 3x a day, sitting at the table for meals, and reading/doing word puzzles. occasionally she'll get angry enough at me, resistant enough to whats going on, she'll refuse to do anything that's in front of her, and she'll go back to spend 22 hours a day in bed. the last time that occurred, the deterioration was visible shortly, and it wasn't long before her decreasing mobility and cognitive deficits led her ending up on the floor in her bedroom in the of the middle, having defecated on herself, and note being able to get up. my response was "okay, did you like that?" so we went back to the exercise and out of bed regime---until just a couple of days ago where again, some resistance has cropped up again and "im not going to do what you want me to do anymore" is the order of the day. she has a 98yr old aunt who may be heading soon to the long care nursing home and is more or less being forced down that path by a relative who has POA. after a visit to the short term rehab/nursing home, I asked my mother if she wanted to end up like aunt **** and she said no. I asked, okay, how do you help prevent that from occurring---"doing my exercises and eating well." when I brought that up by way of a counter to my mothers recent position of "I don't want to", her response was "I lied." im at wits end---she's back to 22-23 hours a day in bed and I trust its just a matter of time before the deterioration sets in, and she's back on the floor with her drawers full of feces. given im the one who has to pick her up afterwards im feeling pretty strongly about having some say in the actions and behaviors that are done prior to that point in terms of preventing it from occurring. the challenge is how to go about that. some years ago at the beginning of this all, I was around when she returned from a multiple month hospital/rehab stay. I put a porta-john in her room, but then after a few days, took it out so as to force her to walk to the bathroom. as a part of that fight, she called the department of aging on me and as a result, I got a visit from a couple of the officers from the sheriff's department. my mother's default position is "I don't want to" and mine always is "that doesn't matter, you have to"---so we're pretty philosophically at odds with each other. at the moment, id estimate she has the mental faculties of a young pre-adolescent and so reasoning through these conflicts doesn't really work. im not sure I have an actual question here---so much as maybe one or two will appear if some people respond and the conversation might generate them.