Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
1 2 3 4 5
Dad is bedridden. He refuses all "white man's medicine". He only takes herbal. When he was in the hospital, the only way the doctor was able to give him the prescription was to tell him that he will not be released until he took it. So he did - with HIS demands too. He had to also be allowed to take his herbal pills. And We All Know that hospitals are Not Allowed to have patients take medicines not provided by the hospital - some kind of FDA regulation. I know because I got caught taking Gas-X for my severe acid reflux on the 2nd day after a major stomach surgery. Sigh...sorry, Reverse, it's only 830pm and my brain seems to be getting tired. Getting difficult to think. Later...
(0)
Report

Caregiving is never boring that's for sure. It is not for sisses
(0)
Report

Book, can you get your Dad on depakote, did you ask his doctor? you can sprinkle it on his food if he wont take it I suppose, it comes in capsules you open and they work wonders for calming their brain. Do you put him on the toilet ? This morning I was a bit slow getting my Mom into the bathroom because I was trying to figure out where to put the hosp bed thats coming Anywhooo I lifted her onto the toilet and she did her big bm load. Mom cannot speak but a few random words, nor can she tell me her feelings, but for some reason she holds her bms until she is on the toilet, what a good girl huh? This is why I have the problem of lifting her on and off as I cannot do it with the hoyer. Would your Dad understand how to take off suspenders or whack you if you put them on, we gotta have some humor here.:) My Mom beat up a caretaker after she talked her into going outside and mom was taking off up the hill, awe yi yi, thats the day I called and got the depakote. She didnt quit, my neighbors thought she would, they ran out to help and I was on my way home from work at that time 3 year ago. Hugs 2all
(0)
Report

LH, I will think real hard of good thoughts for your mom. You and your mom just hang in there, too! I'm just soooo glad she's happy.
(0)
Report

Book, check it out and maybe give it a try. Maybe trying, like Reverse said, to sew one pair of pajama top to bottoms before buying one to see how it goes. Hugs to you!!!!
I spoke to my SIL's fam member who is having the party and told her why mom and I wouldn't be there. She wasn't surprised and was completely disgusted with how they are treating my mom. She has had her issues with them as well. It seems everyone just tolerates them and all are disgusted with them. All agree karma is a B_ _ _ _. Wish us luck today.
Book, hang in there. Great big hugs to all!
(0)
Report

Reverse, thanks...I don't think dad would cooperate with that! Remember, if I get him angry enough, he will punch me. And I have to go near him to change his pampers. If I was my oldest sis , who doesn't change pampers, then it would be great. But, after the 1st time, he would never willingly let us use it. But, I will check out the online store.
(0)
Report

Hi Book, when my Mom went thru that I bought one piece pjs that zip up the back so she couldnt get to her you know what parts. Then I sewed her pj top to her bottom, and used suspenders with a cover shirt after that. there is a store online called buck and buck that sells unstripable clothing, hope this helps.
(2)
Report

LH, mails from the states to my little island takes a Looooong time to get here. Sometimes like...2 months!

I'm fine now. It's a constant up and down...I know what triggered it and there's really nothing that I can do about it. My bedridden dad is now going through the "poopy stage." The stage where they Touch and Spread it all over. I kind of went over the deep-end every time he does it. It's something I'm going to have to learn to handle and not go into "shut down" mode. I need to view this poopy stage as just another "obstacle" on the road that I overcome it by going Over It or Around It. Not just stop and freeze - like I just recently did.

Thanks for asking. I agree! Hugs to all of us Caregivers!!!
(2)
Report

Hey Book, Sallie and All. Yeah, been a bit busy lately. Mom is doing ok. Loves the Adult Day Care!! I'm so happy for her! We're going to the hospital tomorrow for her PET Scan to see if things have progressed. (Send prayers, please that they have not!). The sibs are still treating us like S_ _ _. We're supposed to go to another fam party this weekend -- my SIL's fam. We called and explained why we wouldn't be going but we would come by some other time. Funny thing, no one is surprised. They all have seen the treatment they have given my mother and me and are not happy with them.

Book, have you gotten the book yet? Just curious on your thoughts. How are you doing?

Sallie, how are you? Hope all is well with you!

Hugs and prayers to all us Caregivers!!!
(0)
Report

First and foremost you have to get a break! You must think of you! Second talk to her doctor and have him write a script for her to get evaluated for home health care and therapy. He will know of a company to contact or do some research and find one call them. When they evaluate her they can tell you what she will qualify for. Look in to your local area on aging and see if she qualifies for any programs. Also it would be good for you to speak to an attorney as you family does not help there will be issues when it comes time to divide the estate...if there is one. Call your local hospital and find a support group. hope you find help and some relief...
(1)
Report

Hi Amitaf. I guess you're really worried that after your sister's hard work, she will be rewarded with nothing. It is a very strong possibility. As for myself, when I was helping my dad care for mom (these past 23 years), he had told me upfront that this house and land will go to my brothers who live in the states. He said that I can marry a man with land. Yeah, when would that be? When I'm 80 years old? Hello?! By that time, why on earth would I want to have land?

Is there any other way you can help your sister? When you do have spare time to go visit, does sis at least get complete relief from your mom? Every little help counts. How about just writing to her by email? It's lonely to be here at home with the parent. I would email my 3 siblings in the states. Most don't even answer. And one just sends maybe a 2 sentence email. Sometimes, I would just love to just hear what is happening...but whatever you do - Do Not mention any vacations! Whenever one of my siblings (who says she can't give money) mentions Las Vegas or New Mexico, I get so resentful. She says she has no money to give but she has money for the trip, for the hotel, etc...I have another sis who works in the library. I enjoy hearing some of the stories she tells! You know, the scary dude, the irritated parent who got mad cuz sis politely asked her to control her out-of-control children in the library, etc...I'm sure your sister would love to hear something ...as long as it doesn't make her realize she's missing out in life.

I had to smile when you mentioned about your husband not contesting the will. Later! Oh, and welcome to AC!!!
(2)
Report

More. HE didn't contest the will because I told him he could have done a better job helping out. He had no excuses.
(0)
Report

Having to watch my sister care for my mom is difficult for me. I live far away and work full time. My sister lives next door and has never held a job. So, some people accuss me of being that sibling that doesn't help out. Nothing much I can do. I can't give financially, and my cars won't take me back and forth on weekends that often. Money is tight. I can't afford to lose my job since I am supporting five people on one paycheck. My sister probably feels along most of the time, plus my mom is manipulative and vicious taking out most of it on my sister. So, you might say I am able to see both sides of the story. Ask you siblings outright if there is anything that is preventing them from helping you. Ask them to work with you on arranging for you to have some time off. Ask. Don't demand. My husand has very little to do with his parents care. It was all dumped on his sister who lived next door to his parents. She also didn't work at the time, but had two young boys to care for. He avoided going over unless she picked up the phone and called him. He would go when she called. Some people are like that. I felt bad for his sister, but I was working full time and also had two young children to care for, and never felt that comfortable around the father. They had the money for extra care but choose not to use it. My husband was effectively cut out of the will and I didn't even bother to contest it because that poor sister deserved every dime she got!
(1)
Report

It's Friday night here...I'm waiting, Sallie! Any news? I was suppose to write to you tomorrow but...I keep wondering what's happening.

Hey, LH, is it too soon to ask how you're doing? Should I wait until my Monday which would be your Sunday? Confusing. I wanted to wait until Monday to ask how you're doing after the weekend. For me, weekends are so much more tiring than the weekdays.

I didn't notice I was having one of my depression until another member here commented about not hearing from me on the other threads. I like to surf this site on the diferent topics and then comment. Then I stopped and was only commenting here. I even put on my "On my mind: Life Sucks!" I just didn't notice I was going into depression! It is soooo sneaky!

So, since I haven't heard from either one of you, I'm here asking. I've seen Reverse commenting other other threads, so she seems to be doing okay.
(0)
Report

Sallie, Venting is good. Take care of yourself.
(1)
Report

Thanks all, It is really nice to be able to vent here. I have given up on venting to family. I have bigger fish to fry right now.
(1)
Report

Sallie I am so sorry for all you are going through and come here and talk whenever you need and want to do that-we can all offer support that most do not get from their families-some times I think living with friends not family is a good idea -I met a very happy lady last summer who lives in a commion I think that is the word-just friends and they all get along so well it is a blessing to all of them-if your family can not be supportive detach yourself from them.
(0)
Report

Wow book, you've been thrum the ringer too. Thanks for your kind words. I do have a daughter 25 and a son 22. They both work and go to school, but they do what they can to help. My husband helps with mom and is more than understanding. My husband and kids have been my rocks with all that I've been through. I'll keep you informed with my health. I'm making appointments this week. I believe us care givers have a special place in Heaven waiting for us.
(1)
Report

Sallie, please put yourself first and take care of YOU! I hope all goes well. Book is right. Do not go back unless you are well healed! HUGS going out to you!!!!
(0)
Report

Sallie, Maybe those tumors are not c. I can relate to all of you, but in my case, I am considered the wayward child who doesn't help. Believe me, I have my reasons. I want to help but can't much. I have constant back pain, I have fibromylagia, my husband has dementia, and a dozen other things.I am disabled bc of a car accident. I almost died in this car accident and my sister never sent even a card or came to see me in the hospital. My sister wants me to do much more than I am capable of. If she would be more cooperative I would find a way somehow, little short bits of help anyway. Her cooperation would involve inviting me and dh to thanksgiving dinner, easter dinner, Christmas dinner or coming to my house for these holidays. She hasn't invited me or been with me for years for the holidays. Yet she invites half the town and lets me find my own way. Then the next day after the holidays she emails me and orders me to do something. So I do have my reasons for not being as helpful as she probably is telling people. She probably is on this site telling you all what a deadbeat sister I am. If she would dig deeper, she would find that I am not a bad person, but an ill person, with sickness. Maybe your relatives have reasons and not just being mean.
(0)
Report

Sallie, I am so very sorry you have to go through all of this and pray it will all be okay. In the mean time, you have a lot of doctor visits and will need help . Use your Moms money, social security, pension, whatever she has to find help,and take care of yourself !! Use one on the online sites like care(dot)com and find help. Best of Luck to you, keep in touch.
Bookworm, glad you liked my post!
(1)
Report

Sallie, I hope, really really hope it's just benign. You already have so much in your cup and plate and maybe the whole table - you don't need any more "stressors" in your life. I'm not surprise of your sbiling's response.

When I was suffering with severe endometriosis, (my doc thought it was cancer)- the pain was really bad. You ever have those very, very painful menstruals? Well, endo is much much worse than that. Can't sit or stand or lie down - it just hurts soooo bad, like you're constipated...I described it to my doc" the pain is so bad it feels like there's a bowling ball inside.pressuring down." I finally decided for drastic measures, when the pain was so bad I thought I was going to die from it, cold sweats, shivering badly, and in the restroom torn between throwing up and diarrhea. (Difficult to do both since it's from opposite sides. Solved the problem by throwing up in the trash can at same time doing #2!!) Seems, my endo had progressed to the advance stages of whatever it's called (???). For several days, the pain was so bad I could barely walk too far or sit too long.

I alerted fam of next door of my pain...no help. I have changed my dead-weight mom's pampers all by myself in severe pain. It would get so bad, I would do a little, stop and pant in pain, do a little more, stop and pant, etc...I think I was bent over too long, the pain just flared and I almost fainted (saw the darkness coming and fought against it.)

Family will ONLY step in when you are hospitalized. A word from the experience (that's me! done it Twice -major stomach surgeries) - if you ever need a major surgery, do NOT go back home where your parent is. 1st surgery, I spent 1 month at sis, then came home. You go home, your "helpers" disappear. You're still in pain from the major surgery and now you're stuck doing elderly care. 2nd surgery - I learned from 1st surgery. This time I took 2 months away from home and caregiving. Sometimes, you have to put yourself first.

Well, we care about you. So, please update us. If it comes out worse than we expected, you need to figure out your mom's situation. You will need to concentrate on your health first. I can't remember, if you had ever mentioned children? Do you have kids? Are they adult who can help you, etc???

Gosh, when my doctor mentioned "cancer" , I went into shock. I remembered lying on the exam table, then next thing I know, I'm sitting up, doc is talking (like those silent movies - mouth moving but no sound) and holding both my hands, patting it. After that, he never mentioned that word to me. With all my visits after that initial pronouncement, he would use the word "complication." I bring this up because all my follow-up visits,I wished I had someone with me. To give me courage and words of comfort. So, I asked if you had children (teen or adult) to be with you.

You take care! And please keep us updated. HUGS!!!!
(0)
Report

Before I get distracted, LH and all, I just finally checked out the thread "Caregiver Olympics." It's funny..Even Sallie just commented on it. (For the past few days I've been too tired to surf this site on other topics.)
(0)
Report

Sibling *
(0)
Report

Hi girls, I just found out yesterday I have a 9mm tumor on my pituitary gland and a 2.3cm mass on my breast which I have to get a biopsy on. I have to see a neurologists about the tumor. I told the one sinking out of 4 who "helps " once and a blue moon. Do you think she'd offer any help? No, she is once again going away for the weekend. This will be getaway number 4 for her this Summer! Ugh.....
(1)
Report

Ha!Ha! While I was reading your joke, I wanted so badly to skip to the end to see the punchline. I had to force myself to read it all the way through. That was funny! And it was basically what I was visualizing with your words...That's a good one..Thanks for the laughter! Sometimes we need this to help lighten the stress. Take care!!!
(1)
Report

Bookworm, phew I get it, oh do I get it. Did you ever hear the 3 old ladies joke? One old lady was upstairs in the bathroom and she yelled to her sister "can you come up here, I forget whether I was getting in or out of the tub? her sister started up the stairs and stopped and said "what am I going upstairs for? The third sister said "oh my god has everyone lost their mind, thank god I am still ok, (and she knocked on wood) and said " I will be right up as soon as I answer the door!"
HAHA love it!
(4)
Report

Hey Bookworm, good to see you, and I am a visual person too, have many pics in my mind sometimes reading posts.... hugs across the miles to you....
(0)
Report

Reverse, when you said that she will be with their own people, I had automatically visualized this in my head: one person (with Alz) with start a conversation and then forget what she's saying. Another will respond with a totally off-the-wall comment in response. Whatever one was saying, will make another person think of something in the past and bring That up. Etc... Nothing BAD!! It was just that your words triggered in my head this scenario. LH, I'm NOT saying that your mom is like this. It's just that when I spend all my hours with my dad, he does all these...stop in midsentence cuz he forgot what he's going to say, or something triggers his memory of the past or he says something that has totally has nothing to what we're saying.

Reverse, you did Not say anything bad...it was my vivid image of what you said. Sigh...this is what happens when you read books a lot. I tend to visualize things when I read... ;)
(2)
Report

Barbsvineyard1
I am crying for you. The tears are rolling down my eyes right now as I am typing
this to you. Because I feel your pain, sorrow, grief, heartaches and your broken
spirit. Never wish death for your mother. Maybe God is not finish with her yet.
And your other siblings will feel the pain of their gross neglect maybe when your
mom closes her eyes and be at peace forever. My comfort as a burnt out
sibling is in the book of Job, the 23rd chapter. It gives me so much peace
and I read it every morning. So I praise God for you without case. Tthere is a extra star
up there shinning for you for your hard work and dedication. It is hard to do
but forgive your siblings. Not for them but for yourself. Peace
(0)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter