Resentment, depression, and physical limits.

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My husband has been bed-ridden since 2006. I used to rely on him to drive, fix up the house, and work. Okay, the money thing is always bad, and nothing will change that now. I, as well, am on SS Disability for mental issues, but I am seeing a doc and dealing with it. Depression right now is overwhelming, in spite of meds and counc. etc. Recently, I had a city worker come out to the house. I have to level my yard so it drains properly, put on a new roof, and generally get things better. I have a bad back, tendonitis in my shoulders, and am going to physical therapy to help that. I have already used the only help the city can give when the main water pipe busted last year in my yard. If I move, I owe that back. I don't have it to pay back, nor does hubby want to get rid of the house that's been in his family for 100 years.

Problem right now is I have to do all of this alone, with little to no help from those who I have helped over the years. I am feeling angry, furious, resentful of hubby for his illness that will not allow him to help, and I want to lay down in the front yard and scream until the men with the white jackets come to take me away. I'm also sobbing far too much.

18 Comments

{{{Lisa}}} Where are the kids? You had a lot of people living with you a while back! Where are they? Can you call Foresters or a benevolent group of men in community to help you? Ask everyone, everywhere. Someone will have the answer. Praying for you and the assistance you need right now, Dear One:) xo
called everyone. have done everything I can. kids have work and kids of their own and no time for mom. Im feeling very abandoned right now.
Lisa, you are worn out. Can you go to nearest Home Depot and ask there? Church-- although I have noticed people at church mostly want to receive help, not give it. What happened to Benevolent Societies?!? This world sucks! My husband, general contractor, would help you in a second:( Sending out the word to the Universe, Lisa. Hoping for an answer. Try to rest today, ok? xoxo
I put a plea on craigslist. lol and i've gone down to a bucket and my little trowel to move a mountain. I wanna quit, but I just can't. Something in me won't let me. And if I don't keep moving, the city will red tag the house. So far, the guy I'm working with is giving me time to get the roof done, but I'm getting that time because I keep making improvements. When it comes time for the roof, little Lisa, scared of heights, is going up there alone. Honestly, I'm terrified of being homeless.
Okay, I've calmed somewhat. I called my daughter and cried. She rushed over here with her two kids and new boyfriend, and consoled me. She cooked dinner, and cared for the kids. I know I have to relax, just take it day by day -- hour by hour if I need to, but it's very difficult sometimes.

I'm also ordering my son, who does still live here when he isn't roaming with his friends, to stay home tomorrow to finish up a small portion so I can reward myself. I want to put my roses in the ground before it rains tomorrow night. He can finish it in an hour, when it would have taken me days to do it. I kinda expected Mommy's day to include the kids coming over with shovels in hand, but I was dreaming again. I barely got phone calls. I'm feeling angry, resentful, and hurt. But that won't stop me from saving this house.
Hey Lisa. Good job. Yes, son needs to support you. Maybe he can petition a couple of his buddies to assist? Learn the work ethic, perhaps? Make a few demands. I'm there with you, Dear One. Tomorrow will be better and progress made. Keep us posted:) night night xo
Tell your son that literally, if he wants to continue with the free or low cost roof over his head, he needs to hlp out. Get some friends over to get some work done cuz if YOU are homeless, HE IS TOO.

BTW, I'm just curious: if your son lives there, why did you call your daughter to help out with the house your son lives in? I'll bet your son would be very upset if your daughter called on him to keep a roof over her head but he was fine with letting his sister sort things out about keeping the roof over his head for the house he lives in.
Night Christina. And Thank you from my bottom to my heart (as Gram used to say.) :) Sweet dreams.
Annnie, ah yes, the two kids. My son wasn't home, nor was he available until after I'd called the daughter. He was off with his friends, which are all girls, and I wouldn't ask them to help if my life depended on it. I keep him home because he truly needs help right now. If we lost the house, he would go live with friends. Hubby would go to NH., I would be alone, prob living in my new truck.

Son did, when he realized the state I was in, give me a hug, and tell me he'd help. But he's a lazy kid, and we'll see what kind of help it'll be. Daughter and me, well, we're also best friends. She's 24, but she's been through so much in her life since leaving home that she acts and thinks much older. Plus, son would rather let daughter deal with distraught mother. lol but yes, definitely, I'm not allowing him to leave the house until I feel enough work has been done each day. I'm a soft touch, but I don't want to be leveling the yard forever. And daughter will be here with kids and boyfriend on Sat. to help if it doesn't rain. I'm hoping Sunday will bring my stepson over, but he's got pneumonia, and he's also a bit of a hypocondriac, so not counting on it.

But, my goal for tomorrow is to have my roses in the ground on the fourth of the yard I want finished by tomorrow night.
Would it be possible to take out a small equity loan on the property to have the roof replaced? I know money is tight, but I'm one of these people who feel that roofing needs to be done by a professional company. They have the equipment it takes to get in and out, and have tarps if the weather surprises. You can get a 20-year roof for a reasonable amount. In these days, that just means they will take a leg, instead of an arm and a leg. House repair costs have certainly skyrocketed. (I priced gutter replacement the other day and saw that it would cost what replacing the whole roof would have cost just a few years ago. What is going on with these costs??)

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