Remark by counselor on sadness - "Are there guns in the house?"
I want to ask my fellow caregivers for their Alzheimer's Disease advise. My 84 year old mother with AD has been living with us for 1.5 years and she has been declining. She and my family have had a difficult situation for a long time, but I managed to at least find a place in my home to protect her. She is in Stage 6, and I am getting pressure to put her in a nursing home. In the meantime, my wife wanted us to talk to a counselor about our feelings. This is a woman counselor who apparently helps people on Alzheimer's issues. I did alone, and then with my wife. My wife has less emotional impact on this, and she and the counselor were asking me what was giving me pause, and mostly it has been that I don't think my mother is at a mental state of degradation in terms of agitation, where she would readily fit in, based on the other tours I have been to. But they kept pushing me on my feelings about, and of course, as any human being who loves their parent is, I am sad about it. I told them how painful it was to watch your mother "die a little every day, losing her identity," and I couldn't help but cry a little. When the session was over, I had to go to the bathroom down the hall, because I had just got off work, and rushed over to make this appointment. When the female counselor was there with my wife, she asked my wife "are there any guns in the house?" I NEVER said anything that would inspire such an extreme response, and in fact, I am an anti-gun person. Now, I cannot tell you how offended I am by this insult behind my back. I have a right to be sad, I have a right to grieve, the ongoing loss of my mother, just like I would any member of my family. I keep it in check, I do my job, I support my family, I care for my mother, and I do a lot more. I am a healthy, responsible, competent adult. I don't think I should go to with my wife to a counselor, who asks me my feelings, to hear behind my back "are there any guns in the house."
The one time I open up face to face with someone, and this is what I get. It is not fair. I don't want to go back to someone who will disrespect me like that. Do you agree, or do you think I am making too much of this remark? I am incredibly offended by the callous nature of this comment.