Relocation blues, elderly Mom and guilt.
I'm a 52 year old female. I had been living in the Bay Area with a fairly good paying job but still struggled with the cost of living. Had decided to move to Arizona where the cost of living is lower. I love the weather, beautiful sunsets and SW culture of AZ. Before going out to AZ I went to Oregon to visit my Mom for a week. Hadn't seen her in almost a year. I had everything arranged for my move to AZ. After spending a week visiting her I was very concerned about her. Her health has deteriorated and even though she has a carer come over 1-2 x a week, she still needs more help. The carers don't do all that needs to be done. My Mom can't afford assisted living housing nor would she go if she could.
A day before I was to leave to AZ I decided to give it a go in Oregon (find a job and room rental) to be near my Mom and offer what assistance I can with laundry, shopping, etc. If after several weeks I didn't get work/housing I would go to AZ.
I was able to get work and housing within a week. I felt very lucky to have attained this so quickly. Now that I've gotten this I have felt depressed. Not a day goes by I don't think of Arizona and the things I had planned to do there. I had previously lived in Oregon for 30 years and was so glad when I left. I don't do well where the sky is mostly gray and it rains 9 months a year. I don't judge the same interests of things I wanted to do in AZ being in OR. I also didn't feel depressed living in sunshine.
I have only been at my job a little over a week and I already feel miserable. I want to go to Arizona but feel tremendous guilt. No one in my family had expected me to live in Oregon and it was a huge surprise to everyone I had radically changed my plans, especially my Mom.
I feel if I leave that I'm abandoning her. I feel if I stay even though I love visiting with her and helping out I will feel trapped and miserable here in Oregon.
I am the only one in the family that can help her.
I know that someday I could move to AZ, but my job is part-time and doesn't cover all my living expenses, let alone be able to save once my savings I have now is gone. Staying I have to dip into my savings each month to cover living costs my job doesn't.
I love my Mom and want to help her. I feel torn and don't know where else to reach out for insight on all this.