Recovering caregiver.

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Hello to all my forum friends who were so much there for me over the months of frustration and worry over Mom. On Thursday, it will be three weeks since she passed. I think of her a lot and I wish I could get rid of the pictures in my mind from the last couple of months. It still feels like I'm going to wake up and this will have been a dream. My Dad visited me in a dream after he died, but Mom hasn't.
The memorial service is over, I've found homes for most of Mom's little possessions, pictures, etc and I'm close to wrapping up the legalities, paying bills. I thought once the worry and responsibility was over I would feel so much more relaxed but I guess the after effects hit me.
Our planned 1500 mile camping trip to visit family, leaving Friday didn't happen. I haven't been feeling well for a couple of weeks, maybe from months of pent up stress and I was too sick to go. A doctor visit, and two days later Urgent Care, a UTI and IV for hydration.
My GP had put me on an antidepressant and the very first pill made me sick for four days which aggravated my persistent vertigo.
Wow, I thought I was so strong, that I was dealing with things, but I guess emotional recovery is going to take a while!
How is everyone else doing?

5 Comments

((((((((hugs)))))))) I am not surprised amygrace but sorry to hear that you have been sick. The years of stress of care giving add up and the extra stress fo the last months and job of the funeral, executor etc. all compound that stress. No matter a good or bad relationship there is still grieving to do after someone passes and that in itself is exhausting, Yea, emotional and physical recovery will take some time, Look after yourself, do some things that are good for you, and cut yourself some slack.
AmyGrace - I'm sure you getting sick and feeling off is the result of all you've been through as your mothers caretaker. A UTI, huh? Kind of ironic as that seems such a common illness with our aged loved ones and a source of endless frustration for caregivers. With each passing day, I think you will think less frequently of your mom as the failing elderly person that she had become and more of as the mother from her healthier years. Its a process that takes time and moves at its own rate. It's interesting though, isn't it - how we think we will react when the time comes? I too, am thinking I will feel mainly relief but have read enough posts here regarding feelings of unexpected grief and remorse. I guess the best way to look at it is, there is no "correct" response. Expect the unexpected and take care and be generous with yourself.
AmyGrace, I know what you are going through. Yes emotional recovery will take time, as our whole world had been turned upside down dealing with everything that was thrown at us over the years. And especially the last couple of months when your Mom and my Mom were in long-term-care.

Plus we have aged ourselves over that time, I feel so elderly myself where before I could do just about anything I put my mind to. Today I went out to pull weeds and I squat down to do that, my gosh I had a hard time trying to stand up and keep my balance. How did I get so old so quickly !! Bummer !!

Yep, good old Urgent Care, they know me on a first name basis. This past Saturday I was trying to carry out heavy trash bags from the basement from my parent's old house and I started to get chest pains... of course I went into full panic mode... sig other took me to Urgent Care as I was scared I was having a heart attack. Whew, turned out it was a pulled muscle.

I haven't traveled in over six years, I really should change my screen name from freqflyer to noflyer. I refuse to get on a plane. I just don't want to leave my house, as it is my comfort zone. I still have my Dad to content with, but he's easy to work with and he's safely tucked in his Independent/Assisted living apartment. So I am breathing a bit easier on one side of the coin, but still a tried mess on the other side of that coin.

We will get through this... hopefully the beautiful spring weather will make us enjoy life once again :)

yes, emotional healing takes a very long time...
I also thought I would go stay in a bed and breakfast or cottage or visit out of state. Uh No! It has been seven months since mom went into a home and I am just now being able to use my memory! my body has also aged a good 10yr.... Give yourself a break- Oh and dont let other people influence you saying you should be DOING things- I have and it just made me feel guilty that I wasnt.
Your body is talking to you, it needs to decompress and heal.
It takes time. As they say "this too shall pass". It's been seven months since my mother passed and, after 7 years of my life in the toilet, I'm building a new life. I neglected myself, aged terribly over those 7 years and spent the past winter just hanging out at home. Just got new glasses, getting my teeth fixed and eventually getting carpal tunnel dealt with.

House renos will be completed this summer and now spring is here there's so much to do around the homestead. Too chilly to seed yet but planted potatoes the other day. I don't bend well so I work raised veggie beds sitting on a stool. Getting the greenhouse prepared and chickens coming in a couple of weeks. I can't do everything and my house looks like a bomb hit it but I've only myself to suit.

Take it one day at a time and do whatever makes you happy.

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