My mother moved in with my husband and I about five years ago. With her I also got my, now, 15 year old niece. My niece is wonderful and not a problem, however my mother is having a huge negative impact on the entire household. Her health is not great (heart and lung disease), and so she is extremely limited on what she can do around the house. She refuses to go anywhere or do anything. We all feel that her whole source of entertainment is us. We are watched at every turn. "what are you eating", "what are you doing", "where are you going". What, where, when, why, how all day long everyday. then there is the starring. Always watching you. Always!, Now we are all resentful of the intrusions the questions and watching are causing. I feel like I am expected to check in with her on every damn detail of my life, and hate it! I want her to just move out, find her own place. When I was growing up I thought my mom was the toughest, most amazing person, but having lived with her these past years I have become completely disillusioned with my childhood memories of her. My anger and frustration is leaking out of my ears. I feel guilty that I don't even want to spend time with my husband or my niece because my mom has me so amped up with frustration that I just don't want to be around anyone. How sad is this?...When she had to stay in the hospital over night we all feel like a breath of fresh air was blowing through the house. The stress levels drop two fold and everyone was practically gleeful. I know that there has to be a better way to make this work, but I really am at a lose to see any light at the end of this tunnel. So I ask you for suggestions or comments that could help bring about some resolve to this issue that we are struggling with.
Does she have the resources to afford to go to a nursing home if that what the doctor recommends or does she qualify for medicaid?
Use the search site box in the upper right hand corner of this page and do a search using the word detachment and you will see some articles about detaching emotionally with love. Right now for whatever reason, your mother is sucking the life out of you like an emotional vacuum cleaner. She can't stop, but you can detach for your own self-protection.
Your not wanting to be around anyone is a clear sign of emotional depletion and possible depression. Get yourself some help. You need your husband's support. So, please try not to isolate yourself from him, but if you do just explain to him that you are totally drained and need his patient support. He's probably feeling very anxious and wondering how to fix things with seeing you suffer with this so.
If she has not seen her doctor very recently, then call her doctor this afternoon; tell the person you speak to that you need to make an appointment very soon, and ask to speak with his or her nurse who will probably need to call you back today, but that will give you some added support ant get the ball rolling!
Please keep in touch, keep venting, keep asking questions, and keep us updated.
Please try to find her an adult day care where she can be with people of her own generation, you might find this will perk her up, she will develop new friends, and she would then be less noisy about what everyone is doing in the household.