Rant only, please excuse me
So many of you have been so helpful here, thank you! So many of you have taken the time to explain your situations so that I could relate and feel better. I can't thank you enough! I think about you guys, and I send you good wishes through the airwaves, not that it helps but I just wanted you to know that you're well thought of. I am so angry about some things, and one of the people here suggested that I come here to get angry and get it out. So that's what I'm doing here. I don't know that I could be of any help or anything else, and please excuse me because I don't have a question, this is just for me. I guess for selfish reasons I am writing it here instead of just writing it to myself where no one else can see it. I am so damn angry! I'm angry at everything and everybody! Things are nowhere near as bad for me as they are for everybody else here, but for some reason I just have to say this. I'm so angry that my amazing mother has been reduced to repetitive behaviors and frustration and sadness. I am so insanely angry with myself for not being able to remember that this is not her fault. So many of the things she says and does are similar to things that have been issues for us before. Now, however, she can't fix any of this and she can't understand it and I keep expecting things to be better like an idiot!! I don't like being stupid! I'm defensive about it, and I think my mother probably said something when I was a kid like I could do better because I was smart or whatever because it's such a big issue with me. She has an oppositional style of conversation or communication, and that's something that I had to work on myself to correct so that I didn't do that as much to other people. I'm trying to be more assertive and less passive aggressive, but she can't improve, she doesn't even understand it, and, I'm just so upset. Thank you for letting me get that out and giving me a place to do it and for suggesting it. I hope I have haven't bothered anybody.