Five years ago on this date my precious mom passed away.
Sometimes I advise people here that it will always hurt, but not as much. I am learning, though, that one never knows when the pain of loss is going to be there. A lot of you today are beside your moms as they are at death's door. My heart is with all of you. Some of you know that your moms' deaths are in the near future and wonder how you will possibly live without her. Some are like I am. You have learned that you never know when the arrow in your heart is going to hit and you would give anything for just one more minute with your mom. The first year, I couldn't mourn, because hubby and I were having a bad time due to the time I had spent with mom for the prior 6 years and ignored him. The next year, it hit me on mom's birthday. The next two years it was on my birthday. I thought things were OK now because I can see something of hers and smile or remember something we shared and laugh. This year, for the first time, the anniversary of her death is the most difficult time for me. I want to sit quietly and reminisce about the times we sat in her room and sang gospel songs along to the CDs. The last day mom couldn't talk, but she could hear! So, talk to them! I said something about mom's dry lips and told her I was going to put chap stick on them. She moved her lips as we ladies do when applying lipstick or gloss! So, I read some of our favorite things to her, played the songs we loved, and talked about anything that came to mind. I held her hands and told her how much I loved her. When the Hospice nurse gave me the look, I told mom if she could see people I couldn't and she was ready to join them, it was OK with me. I would miss her, but I knew she was ready to go. Then, her one concern was leaving her only child alone, so I assured her that she and dad had given me all the tools with which to make a good life; and, I appreciated them. I told her I might not have family, but I had hubby and friends who were as close as family. I assured her I would be OK and not to worry about me. I had gotten the last word out, then mom took one more breath and her spirit was on its way! Looking back, it was actually beautiful.
The nurse said she had seen it happen time after time, that patients wait for a loved one to give them permission to go and to reassure them that things would be OK after they left. She said I had told mom just the right things, and that's what mom wanted to hear. I suppose I never will know which holiday or which day I just get up without expecting it, the pain will return and I will miss her. On the other hand, however, I was given a gift by being there for the last few days 24/7, while she was able to talk with me, and on the last day when we said our last farewell. I like to think of her as healthy, happy, and maybe even driving her red car around Heaven. She has forgiven me for selling it now. She promised to be waiting on the other side of Jordan for me, so if I am fortunate enough to go where she is, she will be there to meet me. If anyone can, I know my mom will do it!
My friends, don't fret about what might have been in the past. Enjoy the good memories if there are any. If there aren't any, let the past go. If you have your moms today, be thankful and enjoy every moment. You are making memories, whether happy or not; you will remember these days and wish you could call them back. And, for daughters who thought the pain was diminishing and would eventually end, it is not so. So, be prepared and make some quiet time to spent with just you and mom. No matter what, we only have one mom.