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O.k here it goes,I'll keep the first paragraph short. mom has PPA,sis and I havePOA so does her fiduciary.moms sister come from Michigan and raises hell. before getting into that Sis I,have gotten mom 2 inhome care ladies who we trust and mom finally likes, we have thrown meds,chemicals etc..away for moms safety,we have meds she takes in a lock box every one comes for 3hrs aday (one person a day) including me on sat sis sun. everyone knows we love mom and neighbors know us and I actually work for most of them they know we are doing a good job. O.k. Aunty blows into town and has an attitude because we mentioned assisted living just looking into it. to add fuel to fire she opens mail and see's an adendum sis got a loan for a house down pmt. and I'm taking the car which mom can't use, aunt flips out saying we arent out for the benefit of mom! and yells at moms Lawyer on the phone and demands a meeting ...first off the loan for sis was decided when mom was still sharp,and the whitness was moms fiduciary and I . Now Aunty says MOM wants us OFF legal pappers as POA's and wants all her investments spent for in home care until every cent is gone! and when its gone then use her $1/2 million of long term care! my dad is litterally rolling in ____ so to speakhate saying that. Dads intentions were LTC when needed,(he had alz) mom be comfy with $s and sis and I have a nestegg when they both pass-on. Aunt is saying mom said this their is know way in the world! so lawyer has to proceed with taking us off. aunt also wants to get all activity with moms financials! is it rotten in Michigan??we are fuming ! not just because of POA and $ dispercement but who in their right mind would reverse a good thing? god we go to moms lawyer in the morning what can we do say? HELP... We in gods eyes are trust worthy and honest and love our mom so much, and aunty is upsetting her so bad.:(

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Thanks for the update. I know it sounds ood, but a speech pathologist is the appropriate person to deal with swallowing problems. It has nothing to do with getting the person to talk.

It sounds like your mother's needs and wishes are being met. She is lucky to have the resources to do this, and she is certainly lucky to have daughters who love her so unconditionally. Very often with chronic, expesive final diseases the resources are all used for the person's care, and there is little or nothing to leave as an inheritance. This is a sad fact of modern life. People live longer. More of them get expensive diseases.

If you know it to be your mother's wish not to have a feeding tube, and if it is writing in her health care directive, I wish you the strength to follow through on her wishes. This is a very hard responsibility. If your mother can communicate her wishes, have her confirm that she still feels the same way she did when she wrote the directive.

Best wishes to you as you deal with these difficult realities.
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Hi folks; Now mom ; she has 24/7 care in her home. we have had 2 agency's and did not like it so now it's a job finding place for independent care-givers. after a few weeks things are getting into place, we also have something called GENTIVA,
they have a nurse come in to check mom and a physical therapist ( mom has lost ability to walk but can stand) (part of PPA) and has a speech therapist for ? her swallowing problems?, a S.Th. is ridiculous for speech she cannot regain .
An elevator type thing for 2 steps into the house because of the wheelchair, a hospital bed, etc...But geeze talk about health care, moms $500g LTC will last maybe 1 1/2 years, compared to 8-9 years in a facility. so I guess we (sis and I arent going to be beneficiary's of anything . This is because of our Aunt and the Fiduciary (this is a profession ) We like mom having to live in her home but Fiduciary is not looking at finances as she should be, at least the elderly I work for are telling me this is wrong, I reaaly don't know, and am happy if my mom is happy, but soon I will have to tell all that no intro-tubes for feeding will not be allowed and I don't think I can do that but thats in her health directives of my power of att. paper of health. I'm ill.
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It's been a while...but I'm back and pooped out! TTL ( try to laugh)
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We have ( sis and I and fiduciary, and 2 doctors ) declared mom unable to care for herself financially and health wise ; we all agreed for the fiduciary to be the trustee for now; mom is with inhome care for a week now and its was misserable for her and us; she could not understand why, I finally said " because you told us to get you in home care", she actually said Oh o.k.; she has a vocabulary of maybe 2 word sentences ,, like" so nice" oh sad, why you?
so how___? you so good- she is declining fast, she falls every 3 or 4 days!
we try to keep her sitting; I guess we need to lock her down for gods sake; she is running to a boyfriends house in the middle of the night! LONG story of suspected abuse....can't say anything else, she is under.his influence.
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Well, momslife, that just takes the cake. Love it when people just decide to do whatever they want and then not answer their phone. I'm sure you don't want to have more hard feelings with your Aunt, but is your mom considered sound of mind. I didn't read your profile and if I go there now, I'll loose this post. What I am suggesting is that it could be possible for your Aunt to talk your mom into giving her POA. If your mom is of sound mind, she can do that. Again, who is the fiduciary? Is that her attorney or someone else? What is your mom's physical and mental state? Could you be more clear about these questions?

I can understand that your Aunt, newly retired, now has more time and that she cares for her sister. I'm sure she means well and wants the best for your mom, but it is a little unnerving that she would take her home and not advise you.

You should talk to your lawyer about this. Keep him advised and ask his opinion of how best to proceed. Ask him about contacting the local law enforcement in your Aunt's city to do a "check the welfare" call. I don't know if this is the best thing to do, but maybe your attorney could offer some advise. It's hard to know if it's better to sit this one out or speak up.

Good luck. Cattails.
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Cattails: aunt just retired; I went to moms and counted the meds in our lock box and she took 2wks worth and 5 days after she gets home is their. And of course its wrong. And I would not put her past not returning her home . But Mom has all of us "mom team" here in calif. Lawyer ,fiduciary , sis , I, and neighborhood friends. If it comes to not bringing her home Auntie has another thing coming to her, we aren't push overs, I wish she would answer her phone so i can speak with mom though.
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You mention the fiduciary. Who is that person? How old is your aunt? It seems wrong for her to take your mom 2000 miles away. To do that without consulting you or even leaving a note is just wrong. I'm sure your Aunt loves her, but does she understand her meds and will they need to be refilled? Your aunt seems upset by the discussion of AL. What gives you the idea that Aunt plans to return your mom?
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New update now Aunty has taken mom to michigan without letting us know!
I had this weird feeling she would do this. ugh that woman is really under my skin. We went by moms sunday(easter) aunt mom were out. monday aunt was leaving and we were happy to see the sky blue again. Then the monday caregiver showed at moms and mom was not their. apparently Aunty told moms fiduciary that sis and I said it was fine if she took mom 2000miles away. We told her weeks before no not good for mom. I don't know what is aunty's problem. We know mom will be safe in loving hands; but when she gets home she will be confused and we'll have to get her back on track.
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momslife: As jeannegibbs said. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad it worked out for you and your sister and that the attorney had the right words to satisfy your aunt. Happy Easter. Cattails.
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I am so glad for that outcome! And thank you for sharing.
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Yes and I was sooo tired which is good because I was so upset mad etc. My husband came to be my counsel (speak for me or on my behalf because I can't believe this woman. Anyway My moms Lawyer was all for My sis and I and said the right words to let Aunt know that we are so called "watched " and come to find out the long term care CAN be used for in home care. Thank you god for your hand; All in all we all agree mom lives in her home as long as possible.
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Did you go to your mom's lawyer?
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You and your sister love each other, right? And you would probably take an active interest in each other if one of you in a position of needing care. If one of my beloved sisters were ill and I went to visit her and thought her kids were not acting in her best interests, I'd probably butt in. Sorry.

So, while she probably has no legal authority at all, I can understand where Aunt is coming from. Note that I am not saying she is right ... just that her intentions may be noble.

Is Mom still competent to make decisions from a legal point of view? If so, her lawyer will (I assume) follow her wishes -- not your aunt's, not your sister's, not yours, and not even your late father's. Mom gets to decide how she wants to use her money, and who she wants to manage it.

If the PPA is advanced to the point where she cannot communicate her wishes or understand what is communicated to her, then I would imagine the current POA will stand.

I imagine that this will all be resolved or at least the issues defined during the meeting with the lawyer. Stay calm. Be truthful. State your concerns and observations. Try not to get defensive or accusatory. Try to stick with stating facts. The lawyer isn't a judge who can decide who is right or wrong. He or she is your mother's advocate and will be acting in accordance with her wishes, and advising her from this or her knowledge of laws and potential consequences.

It is not required for an elder to leave nest eggs or inheritances. If Mother wants to remain in her home with expensive in-home care as long as she can afford it, that will need to be respected (if she is in her right mind). I don't know how old she is or what her prognosis is. It sounds like her long-term-care policy might last, what, 5 ot 6 years?

I sincerely hope this works out for everybody. I hope that when the dust settles you can still have at least a civil relationship with your mother's sister.

Please let us know how it goes at the lawyer's.
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I'm with pinkroses. By what authority does you aunt have to act in any capacity?
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Maybe I am missing something here; but why is your aunt involved at all? It seems you have everything under control and have POA. Aunt doesn't have anything to do with your mom's financials right? It seems you are looking out for your mom's best interest and assisted living is a viable alternative and you are wise to be looking into it. From sounds of it; Auntie is trying to be involved with something that is none of her business. Sorry - but she should not have anything to say. Good luck tomorrow - let us know what happens.
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