My aunt says my mom wants off all legal papers as POA's and wants all her money spent on in-home care.

Started by

O.k here it goes,I'll keep the first paragraph short. mom has PPA,sis and I havePOA so does her fiduciary.moms sister come from Michigan and raises hell. before getting into that Sis I,have gotten mom 2 inhome care ladies who we trust and mom finally likes, we have thrown meds,chemicals etc..away for moms safety,we have meds she takes in a lock box every one comes for 3hrs aday (one person a day) including me on sat sis sun. everyone knows we love mom and neighbors know us and I actually work for most of them they know we are doing a good job. O.k. Aunty blows into town and has an attitude because we mentioned assisted living just looking into it. to add fuel to fire she opens mail and see's an adendum sis got a loan for a house down pmt. and I'm taking the car which mom can't use, aunt flips out saying we arent out for the benefit of mom! and yells at moms Lawyer on the phone and demands a meeting ...first off the loan for sis was decided when mom was still sharp,and the whitness was moms fiduciary and I . Now Aunty says MOM wants us OFF legal pappers as POA's and wants all her investments spent for in home care until every cent is gone! and when its gone then use her $1/2 million of long term care! my dad is litterally rolling in ____ so to speakhate saying that. Dads intentions were LTC when needed,(he had alz) mom be comfy with $s and sis and I have a nestegg when they both pass-on. Aunt is saying mom said this their is know way in the world! so lawyer has to proceed with taking us off. aunt also wants to get all activity with moms financials! is it rotten in Michigan??we are fuming ! not just because of POA and $ dispercement but who in their right mind would reverse a good thing? god we go to moms lawyer in the morning what can we do say? HELP... We in gods eyes are trust worthy and honest and love our mom so much, and aunty is upsetting her so bad.:(

15 Comments

Maybe I am missing something here; but why is your aunt involved at all? It seems you have everything under control and have POA. Aunt doesn't have anything to do with your mom's financials right? It seems you are looking out for your mom's best interest and assisted living is a viable alternative and you are wise to be looking into it. From sounds of it; Auntie is trying to be involved with something that is none of her business. Sorry - but she should not have anything to say. Good luck tomorrow - let us know what happens.
I'm with pinkroses. By what authority does you aunt have to act in any capacity?
You and your sister love each other, right? And you would probably take an active interest in each other if one of you in a position of needing care. If one of my beloved sisters were ill and I went to visit her and thought her kids were not acting in her best interests, I'd probably butt in. Sorry.

So, while she probably has no legal authority at all, I can understand where Aunt is coming from. Note that I am not saying she is right ... just that her intentions may be noble.

Is Mom still competent to make decisions from a legal point of view? If so, her lawyer will (I assume) follow her wishes -- not your aunt's, not your sister's, not yours, and not even your late father's. Mom gets to decide how she wants to use her money, and who she wants to manage it.

If the PPA is advanced to the point where she cannot communicate her wishes or understand what is communicated to her, then I would imagine the current POA will stand.

I imagine that this will all be resolved or at least the issues defined during the meeting with the lawyer. Stay calm. Be truthful. State your concerns and observations. Try not to get defensive or accusatory. Try to stick with stating facts. The lawyer isn't a judge who can decide who is right or wrong. He or she is your mother's advocate and will be acting in accordance with her wishes, and advising her from this or her knowledge of laws and potential consequences.

It is not required for an elder to leave nest eggs or inheritances. If Mother wants to remain in her home with expensive in-home care as long as she can afford it, that will need to be respected (if she is in her right mind). I don't know how old she is or what her prognosis is. It sounds like her long-term-care policy might last, what, 5 ot 6 years?

I sincerely hope this works out for everybody. I hope that when the dust settles you can still have at least a civil relationship with your mother's sister.

Please let us know how it goes at the lawyer's.
Did you go to your mom's lawyer?
Yes and I was sooo tired which is good because I was so upset mad etc. My husband came to be my counsel (speak for me or on my behalf because I can't believe this woman. Anyway My moms Lawyer was all for My sis and I and said the right words to let Aunt know that we are so called "watched " and come to find out the long term care CAN be used for in home care. Thank you god for your hand; All in all we all agree mom lives in her home as long as possible.
I am so glad for that outcome! And thank you for sharing.
momslife: As jeannegibbs said. Thanks for sharing. I'm glad it worked out for you and your sister and that the attorney had the right words to satisfy your aunt. Happy Easter. Cattails.
New update now Aunty has taken mom to michigan without letting us know!
I had this weird feeling she would do this. ugh that woman is really under my skin. We went by moms sunday(easter) aunt mom were out. monday aunt was leaving and we were happy to see the sky blue again. Then the monday caregiver showed at moms and mom was not their. apparently Aunty told moms fiduciary that sis and I said it was fine if she took mom 2000miles away. We told her weeks before no not good for mom. I don't know what is aunty's problem. We know mom will be safe in loving hands; but when she gets home she will be confused and we'll have to get her back on track.
You mention the fiduciary. Who is that person? How old is your aunt? It seems wrong for her to take your mom 2000 miles away. To do that without consulting you or even leaving a note is just wrong. I'm sure your Aunt loves her, but does she understand her meds and will they need to be refilled? Your aunt seems upset by the discussion of AL. What gives you the idea that Aunt plans to return your mom?
Cattails: aunt just retired; I went to moms and counted the meds in our lock box and she took 2wks worth and 5 days after she gets home is their. And of course its wrong. And I would not put her past not returning her home . But Mom has all of us "mom team" here in calif. Lawyer ,fiduciary , sis , I, and neighborhood friends. If it comes to not bringing her home Auntie has another thing coming to her, we aren't push overs, I wish she would answer her phone so i can speak with mom though.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support