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We all have different backgrounds and history with our "charges". We all have our own reasons why we are in this situation. It helps me to tell about how my mother used to be. This is why I do what I do now, even though she is driving me nutz and wearing me to a frazzle.

Mom was a war bride and later, a stay-at-home mother. Being a farm girl from a large family, she was a fabulous cook, seamstress, bookkeeper, and homemaker. She made sure her children were clean, well-dressed (even though money was scarce), and introduced to church and discipline. Though not comfortable with physical shows of affection, Mom was a nice person, unselfish, and cared most of all about her family. One day my girlfriend commented that she loved the dress Mom made me so Mom spent the next few days making one like it for my friend. For free. My boyfriend came home for lunch with me every day so Mom fed him, too, for free.

Another time, Dad won some points for sales at work and he told Mom to choose us some things from a catalog. She chose something for him, something small for each of us kids, and a pretty watch for herself. When I saw the watch, I loved it and thanked her, believing it was for me. She didn't correct me...she let me have the watch that she'd waited 18 years for and I knew no difference until someone slipped and told me years later. Dad was the provider of our "Leave It To Beaver" household, but it was Mom that maintained the family.

Now she doesn't have AZ but is obsessing and demanding, picky, hypochondriac, and narcissistic. But because she was so good to me, giving me a dream childhood, I will endure whatever I have to while she lives. She's wishing she was dead, wearing my brothers and me down, and exasperating her doctors, but we all love her and are trying to be patient and grateful.

If you have good memories of your parent's or spouse's good points and it will help you to recall and write about them, I'd enjoy hearing about them. It might help to remind ourselves why we are doing this.

This is just a respite for me, though...I fully intend to utilize the whine section!

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My Mom also is a war bride. She raised 7 children on little money and we never wanted for anything.. She also doesn't show any physical emotions, that often confuses me and to this day I feel lonely because of it... I can't understand because my grandmother her Mom was the kinded most loving women with hugs all around!

This dreadful dementia has made my loving Mom who enjoyed being a homemaker into a confused women who doesn't even recognize her own kitchen or to make a cup of tea...
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my dad passed away several years ago . mom and i found that our own personal beliefs were very similar during the next few years . we lived in the shadow of a person ( dad ) who accepted no variation on his own beliefs . he was a good person but he didnt understand beliefs . his way was the only way . it was unhealthy for the kids because its difficult to unlearn something that was drilled in at a young age .
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Captain, are you caring for your father now? It's difficult enough when you have good memories; I can't imagine how challenging it is with a tough history. I, too, have changed my faith in a way that is more comfortable for me. Thanks for responding with your thoughts.
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in our family there was religion and not much else . my mom helped us escape by reading " worldly " books to us in the evenings while dad was at work . i spend a lot of time now trying to recall good things about my dad but the closedmindedness and tyranny keep surfacing instead . kids need more than food and water . they need exposure to the real world and strategies for coping that produce better results than just " praying about it " .
my mom was quite self educated and i wish her life had been more fulfilling than it was .
i dont hold a grudge towards my dad im just glad i broke away from his belief system . my sons have simply been taught that selfish decisions are destructive and that none of us has the answers to every question . the world is ever changing we have to be openminded to adapt .
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