Planning for ourselves.

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Great discussion by susie15 about an elder who refused to get out of bed- kind of got off track. What I wonder about daily is how we can plan for ourselves so our children don't have to deal with this nonsense. I have recently been on a tear getting MY paperwork in order. Making a trust, DNR, power of attorney , laying out my burial request and having that discussion with my son. I am 60, but have been put though the wringer and continue to live with difficult elders daily. I don't want to be "THAT" parent to my kids and DIL. So any other thoughts how to make this better for the next generation??

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Susan A43, lol, I found a "green conservation cemetery" and told my kids if the cremate me I will come back and haunt them....Great minds???
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Suan, I know -- "just shoot me" reflects my attitude that when it's time, for Pete's sake, don't bury your head in the sand, it's ok for everyone to let go. I have very strong opinions about prolonging "life", but don't want to get all preachy here ;)
But I do need to formulate a real plan. I don't have kids, and wouldn't want to dump too much on them even if I did have them. So yes, it's important no matter what the circumstances are, to face things and figure things out.
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looloo - your suggestion "just shoot me" is so much like my mom. She's told us kids that if we don't cremate her and spread her ashes in Lake Superior, she will come back and haunt every single one of us. Now she tells me she will solve the problem by never dying.

Lord help me.
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itired, a tiered community is a great idea, and with all us baby boomers heading to being the next group of aging elders, developers better start building. People need more choices.

In my area [northern Virginia] we have a lot of retirement communities, independent living, assistant care and nursing homes [which they now call "continuing care"], and memory care facilities.
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1tired, you have a great question and your doing the right thing. Im sorry I dont have any different suggestions. Great answers everyone! Being here, and care giving has made me realize, I also need a will.
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my sons are no different than any other american . the unspoken rule is , if you jump in and take care of your elder , you inherite and indeed deserve the elders assets . if you dont do the job and do it well , the state will be forced to appoint someone , or an institution to do the job . imo , the elder wants the kids to have the assets but they have to earn it . go usa -- a common sense nation ..
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I have great files :) That means I'm old! But I have shown everyone my color coded files and where all the passwords and sensitive documents are plus spent a small fortune at the attorney's office . I have also written the 80 year old me a letter that I gave my oldest son, telling me that it is time to let my kids help me, maybe time to hang up the keys and reminding me that they have my best interests at heart. Looking into a long term care policy as well. I do not want my kids doing what I am doing in the prime of THEIR lives. My mother said to my sis and I many years ago," if I should become incapacitated please find a NICE NH and put me there, visit once in a while, but go live your life." Alas, my dad had different ideas that visiting should be daily, with no breaks and so we did for 4 YEARS and now he is resisting AL and being a pill as is my FIL. I think the answer is a tiered community , independent living, assisted living and NH in one place, but need more research. Have had the discussion with my son about pulling the plug if necessary, much easier to do when no one is sick. Has anyone done research on the long term care policies??? I need direction on that one too.
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looloo, sounds like a good idea if everyone in your family is tech savvy. For us, that means the next generation :)
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Freqflyer - there are so many apps out there. I spent several hours one day going through dozens of them. If I couldn't figure the app out in 5 minutes, I'd move on to the next one. Some are very involved and high-level, but the one I found just keeps everything secure and in one place, which is what I need. And I can keep separate files for my mother's stuff, my personal stuff, and my husband's personal stuff. Many are free, most don't cost too much. Mine cost $9.99 I think.
The 3 ring binder is not obsolete! In our emergency kit, we have a piece of paper w/our info (not as comprehensive though), just in case all our tech stuff isn't available for whatever reason.
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looloo... any app??? OMG, I am so behind the times. My S/O doesn't even understands apps, either. At least with an old fashioned notebook [the type that has a 3 ring binder], you don't need to turn on anything ;)
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