My siblings and I placed my mom in assisted living this week.

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She was fine the day we moved her in, but refuses to talk to us. Very angry. We have called and she tells us to we kicked her out of her home or just hangs up on us. She has been there 5 days and we are planning to all go see her together this weekend


We got to this point after mom was in AL for about 6 months. It was originally her idea to go there and definitely her idea to stay!! So this sudden change, along with frequent falls and obvious delusions, led us to immediately seek Guardian status. She was very agreeable to that with the court evaluator, so Guardianship was awarded. Shortly after that she said she was calling a cab to go home. She was going to throw the tenant out. We are so glad we had that court order. She continued to decline and only lasted 15 months in AL, then had to move to NH. By then she had no idea where she was at all. She died three months later, one more stroke took her out.
I think I would check in with the social worker on how mom is doing before going to visit her, especially as a group. Send cards, pictures, letters, certainly. Each of you might call to say a quick "I love you". But she may need time to settle in. Has she seen a geriatric psychiatrist? If she has dementia, it's probably a good idea to have her seen, at least as a baseline for her mental health and behavior.
She might need more of a medical evaluation, or she might just need more time to adjust. It is hard to say.
Dmc0520, before visiting, call the facility and speak to whomever is in charge... tell at person what is happening and ask for their opinion whether it's a good idea to visit Mom this weekend or not. Don't be surprised if the charge person says no, wait awhile.
Thank you all for your responses she is in a dementia unit. The director told me she is pleasant to the staff and having her meals and meds. It is just us she is mad at. He suggested we still come over so we will see what happens
Her brain is broken. She's in a lovely place with nice people. But she's not home, and it must be someone's fault. It must be the kids!

"The doctors say that this is where you need to be right now mom. We'll talk with her/him soon about how you're doing. Can you show me the list of activities for next week?"

Make sure that your siblings all understand " dementia reasoning". You don't want them to be defensive, wheedling to get her to agree with them, or worse, blame the placement on one of you and try to be the hero. You need to present a united, authoratative front.
My mom was the same way. The nursing home told us not to visit for 3 weeks or so. She still wants to know where her money is but has calmed down. My sisters have to redirect her when she gets like that. They also tell her that the Dr said she needed to have positive thoughts. Funny she will do anything that a Dr tells her but will cuss out her own daughters.

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