A place to vent...

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Another day gone by and she's starting to go down again after we talked about how I feel how she's been treating me and not listening to me as well as trying to make way for me to get on with my life but have someone to replace me or move her to a small senior community or assistant living. She hasn't eaten all day and has been imagining things all of a sudden. She fell 4 times today and she refuses to go to the ER let alone let the paramedics take her. She drinks mostly Pepsi and her friend and I told her to stop drinking it because of the sugar and acid is bothering her stomach. She won't do that either. She hasn't been able to control her functions either and she refuses to wear the diapers I got her. :( She won't even let me get a caretaker to replace me since I'm currently looking for a job and looking for a school in another city seeing how this place isn't offering me any help for work. She even made a claim of hearing on the tv that Oprah died and the tv wasn't even on. She claimed she heard it and that she know what she heard and saw. She ate some food and had plenty of water and Gatorade and tea yesterday and today she didn't even bother to eat and instead drank Pepsi and some of her whiskey she found that i hid away from her. To make things any better my boyfriend who was supposed to be my best and pretty much only friend I have that lives near me just snapped out on me and said I should had put her in a nursing home a long time ago. :/ I feel a bit hurt from him but I know there is plenty of fish out there so I won't worry to much about it. I just feel at a lost. She won't listen to me, she won't do anything on her own now which last week she could but now she seem like she doesn't want to even put the effort in to washing or putting on her diapers. I told her it's okay to be embarrassed but it will save you from wetting your clothes and I can always walk to the store to get them. But she won't she rather go on herself on her bed and say nothing to me about it. She won't let me clean her up either. I feel that she's depressed because I'm getting ready to move on with my life. I'm only 20 turning 21 in December. Yet she won't tell me what's wrong, what hurts and what isn't working right. I feel that she wants to die seeing she was just in the hospital last month for 2 months and now she's already back in the same place she was in July. Even when she was in the hospital I asked some neighbors and even him to help me out and no one except for her friend helped me. Everyone expects me to know what to do and where to start. Everyone expects me to get out more but how when you weren't allowed or couldn't because you saved your grandmother's life not just once but 3 times already. I feel that either way she will slip down again when I'm not here seeing how she won't pick herself up anymore.It's like she calls me down to her every 15 minutes to an hour or every 5 minutes sometimes. I feel that every time I try to work on me so if she goes I can be dependent on myself yet she won't put the effort into at least staying a little longer until I can get on my feet.I just feel that she wants to go seeing how the doctor took her off of her anti depressant saying it wasn't helping at all. I just don't know what else to do beside to look for a job I can do in Cleveland get my driver's license here even if i have to ask her for money for it I have to do start making plans for me. I just need time and direction. Many thanks to those who helped me here too. Thanks again for listening.


You're so young to be handling all of this. You need to reach out to services that can help you in and around your community and start to make some hard decisions for your grandmother since she can no longer make those decisions for herself. It's hard to put yourself in a parent position but you must in order to do what's best for her and you. You need to start building your life also.
{{{hugs}}} Remember these are all choices your grandmother is making! Just as you have to make choices about your own life. It is time to move on and take that first step toward all the wonderful tomorrows waiting for you. Makes me so sad for you that at such a young age you have so much on your shoulders.

Contact your GM's doctor or social services in the area and find out what is available. If she is over 65 and on Medicare there are minimal charges if any involved.

Sending you all the best wishes and tons of prayers. Keep us posted!
Please seek help with this now, while your grandmother is in the hospital, you have some resources there. Talk with the social worker. Explain your situation. I assume your grandmother is supporting you? That complicates things, but now is a good time to look at the big picture and explore all the options. Your grandmother could go on like this for a long time. You need to put together a plan for your own life.
lillyrae, I have to agree with AlisaCW and littletonway. It's absolutely time to find help among the local social services, make some difficult decisions, and focus on you own life and future. It sounds as though your GM is way beyond anything you yourself can do for her anymore. You seem so loving -- otherwise you wouldn't do what you're doing -- but it's time to realize that no matter how much you love her and want to care for her, you've been placed in a situation that's simply beyond your means to do much more. Please find community help and start caring for yourself. You deserve it. My very best wishes for a resolution.
lillyrae - I have to agree with everyone else. Do get some professional support/advice to become more independent, and to find other options for your grandmother. This is too much for you. let us know how you are doing. (((((((((hugs)))))))) Joan
I'm back from the hospital. I explained everything as well as what caused the dementia diagnoses from her 1st visit. Until she gets better which she is thankfully we will be able to move in the right direction. Me and her friend talked about what would be better for her since right now she really needs to be in a nursing home for maybe a couple of months to get her back on her feet again and as well for me to have time and with her help and the resources we are playing it by ear. I'm thinking about enrolling into trade school so i can be certified and maybe get a job and get my license so I'm able to get here and there and to see her as well. It is hard but I am happy now someone will help and has made some steps to show they will help me.Even though she and I will not be moving anytime soon it will give us time to place the house on the market after she gets out and after everything is said and done. And at least if she can not move until some time I can move while she is getting the help she needs when I am away. It will take time but with time I can heal and work on myself to become independent. In the long run I will know that she is being taken care of and happy. Thank you all for you prayers and thoughts if I dont reply in time have a wonderful weekend thank you very much everyone. This site is very helpful for me and reading others experiences it makes me feel that I am not alone. Thanks again.
Well done, Lillyrae. It sounds like you have a plan -a good planl Getting a trade is a great idea and should result in you getting a job with decent pay. Being mobile so you can still visit grandma is wonderful. She will be in a place where her needs are met, and your life will go in the direction it should go, yet you will still maintain contact. . You are a remarkable young woman indeed!

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